


Clipped

by CaffeinatedPokedex



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Love, Enemy Lovers, F/M, Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, Romance, Slow Burn, love hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 11:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 60,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/418152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedPokedex/pseuds/CaffeinatedPokedex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arcee could never forgive Starscream for what he had done, but when both are trapped and their only option out is to help each other, they might just have to grin and bear it. Unbeknownst to either of them, this whole deal might last longer than for this one meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Oh scrap," Starscream cried out as he saw the motorcycle autobot enter the small enclosure he'd found in the cave. He had one hand on a minuscule deposit of energon, and was otherwise preoccupied with keeping himself clinging to the rock face a good twenty feet off the ground.

"Starscream, I had a feeling I'd find you here," Arcee said with a cold stare, raising two guns and preparing to shoot. "This is for Cliff-"

"Wait! WAIT! This cavern is unstable from over mining-!" He curled up and covered his head with his arms as two blaster shots came his way, descending to the ground at an alarming rate. The relatively short tumble was not nearly as concerning as the small rocks that hit him while he lie on the ground; only a warning of the much more substantial boulders that hurriedly followed.

~~

~~

Starscream moaned in discomfort as he came to, a sharp pain twinging right broad wing. Without thinking much of the situation he was in, he jerked left as he sat up. A sharp metallic sound echoed through the cave.

Craning his head to see what happened he screamed in denial. "N-no! No, this... this can't be...!" Nestled between two rocks, his wing remained, while he twisted and immediately tried to pry it out. It wasn't like when he finally wrenched it out he could do anything with it; though, and he ended up just holding it and whimpering at the clipped wing.

His attention was pulled from his grievance as another cybertronian came to. He heard Arcee call out in fury at being pinned beneath rubble. It seemed his adversary was trapped and he could make a clean getaway... but Starscream knew that he was in no condition to crawl out of this hole himself. They were completely caved in, and he was low enough on energon that he could barely move a boulder half his size.

Crawling over to where he heard Arcee's attempts to get free, he noted that she wasn't buried very deep, but had little leverage. Where as, the decepticon had all the leverage he needed. As much as he hated letting out the autobot that wanted his head on a platter, Starscream knew he needed her help to escape this mining cave.

"Why do I always find myself in these sort of predicaments?" The con lamented as he set his beloved wing to the side, dug his claws into an immense stone, and hefted it to the side. Three more removed and Arcee's face came into view.

He could hear guns charging up as she screeched," Starscream! I swear, as soon as I can move, I will-"

"Piteous autobot, do you really think I will save you if you threaten my life?" He purred out, relishing her look of confusion.

"Why would you waste your time to dig me out," She asked, her guns powering down. Her expression was hard and it was clear she didn't trust him at all.

"You know me better than you would like too, autobot. I help whom ever can help me."

Rolling her optics, she scoffed," Of course, that's the only answer."

"Among other reasons," He murmured to himself and then added in full voice," Seeing as I have had little luck these past few... well there's really no time frame applicable; I've never had particularly agreeable luck... I am in little energon supply. Digging you out is already seeming impossible and you’ve buried us under a scrapload more than just a few boulders." With a sigh, he asked," So shall we call it a truce? You can't even hope for a ground bridge down here, the alloys in this cave destroy signals of every kind."

"I don't see how I can work with the killer of my comrade," She spat out," I'd rather rust."

"Oh, come now, we've both done quite considerable damage to each other's teams," He dismissed. Seeing her incredulous mien, he explained," Do forgive me, sometimes I forget that while one is a tragedy, a million is merely a statistic. How many vehicons have you slaughtered?"

She growled out something incomprehensible and Starscream took it as his cue that he could continue to dig her out. As soon as her elbows were exposed, she was able to wrench her arms free and throttled Starscream by the neck with one hand and held a blade to it with the other.

"Please! Please, don't hurt me! I used my last form of defense saving you. I can't transform, I can't even fall back on my missiles, I'm completely at your mercy!" Relief flowed through him as he was released and shoved back. He watched Arcee dig herself out now that she had freedom to move her arms.

"Why _did_ you save me from Airachnid?"

"Why, I told you. So we were even. What other reason would I have?" He asked, his voice slightly defensive.

"You're a decepticon, why would you care about becoming even?"

"Was! Was a decepticon," He corrected," and I felt it needed to be done. I may be megalomaniac, but a demon I am not."

With a shrug, she objected," I care to differ." With piercing optics, she stared at the con as she brushed off the last of the rubble that had trapped her.

With no more prompting than just the insistent gaze, he snapped. "By the Allspark! Can't a man keep his reasons his own these days," He cried out," If he is to be reviled by both sides and abandoned, left to his own devices for protecting himself, can't he at least keep his secrets his own?!" Standing up, he paced to the other side of their narrow pen.

"What was all that about?" She asked, noticeably less angered then before, now a little amused to add to the previous brewing of negative emotions.

Looking back, he stammered out," The last while has been... _stressful_... I'm just a little wound up i-is all..." Trepidation shivered through him and he averted his gaze.

"I hate being stuck in caverns," He spoke up suddenly in a last ditch effort to change topic. "It makes me feel so... grounded."

With a small laugh, she taunted," Like you need a cave to feel like that. Last I heard, your T-Cog went missing. And as I see it, your wings have been clipped."

She picked up his recently detached wing and he cried out in fury," Don't mess with that, it's mine!" She shrugged and dropped it the ground carelessly. "Y-You are an accursed wretch with no value for things that don't belong to you," He howled. He didn't care if she retaliated at his words, he was sick of  being everyone's chew toy and being bullied around and receiving none of the respect he should've!

"Relax, it's not like it's ever going to do you much good," She brushed off, mildly amused by his choice of words to describe her.

"Sh-shut up!"

She was vaguely surprised with just how much emotion rang through his voice as he commanded her silence. "I'm just saying-"

"No more! No more from you! Do you know how it feels to be stripped of power so many times as I? And finally discarded completely? To be a seeker incapable of flight?" He demanded to know. "How long and hard I worked for that lowlife, immoral, degenerate, and how shamelessly he tortured me over and over again?!"

"MY LIFE SUCKS," He shrieked with emphasis striking every word as he then stuck the cavern wall, egging more rocks to roll down upon them. "I _don't_ need _you_ to rub it in!"

"I- I didn't..." Arcee stumbled over her words as she took in the other cybertronian screaming in frustration. Her optics swept up to the rock above them that seemed a little closer to falling once more. Concern for her safety made her say," Look, we can talk rationally about this, we don't need to pound the wall in and trap ourselves even further."

His knees shook slightly before his knees gave out beneath him and he dropped to the ground in pain. "I don't have the strength to argue, I'm afraid," He spat out, cursing lightly as coughed up energon. _Scrap_ , he had an internal leak again.

"Starscream?"

He couldn't help but notice actual concern in her voice, like she even cared about him. "MECH," He cursed. "MECH may be learning of our biology and technology, but they leave much to be desired in the caring department. I don't think it's possible to cause as much damage as they did while thieving me of my T-Cog without personally trying and putting in extra effort."

Quietly picking up the useless wing and walking over beside her enemy, she held it out to him and said," Here."

Snatching it away with an angered growl, he muttered out thanks and sat back against the stone wall.

Something iridescent and blue caught the femme’s optic. Arcee left his side and inspected the small hole in the wall, confirming that it held a small pocket of energon. The autobot plunged her first in and seized the crystal, pulling it back and finding a surprisingly clear sample about the size of her palm. "Starscream," She called, grabbing his attention before lightly tossing it to him. "Now we're even."

"Thanks," He sneered," I would have never been able to obtain this on my own had you not shown up." He'd had his fingers on this very piece before she caused the cave in.

"You're welcome," She said, completely ignoring the tones of anger and abhorrence lacing his words gratitude.

"Sometimes I don't even know what I see in you. Sure you have a slim body, that with a few modifications would be perfect for a seeker, and command a very bold and intrepid air..."

"What?" The autobot squeaked with surprise.

"I'm sick of being ridiculed for no reason, I might as well come out with how I've been crushing like some young sparkling on the autobot, and enemy, that probably wants me dead the most," He laughed, slightly hysterically.

"You need your head examined," Arcee said quietly in a shocked voice.

"Perhaps. It started well before you spared my life, as well," He continued," Similarities in how we deal with situations, our shared hatred of Airachnid-"

Stomping up to the fallen con, she furiously plunged her heel into his chest, earning a strangled groan of pain from him. "I hate that spider because she terminated my partner!" Stamping his chest again, she growled," Something you did as well!" He dropped the crystalline energon and moaned in pain.

"Yes, well," He coughed out, slipping his fingers between her foot and his chest. "That puts a strain in-" He squeaked out," _Things!_ " as she reached down and backhanded him.

A little guilt must have prickled at her, because she retracted her limbs and stalked away. Starscream just seemed so pathetic and helpless, she couldn't bring herself to further beat him down.

He hated regret and hindsight... Staring down at the crystal, he suggested," Let's forget that I ever-"

"Agreed," She interrupted, not wishing to dwell further on it. "Let's just work on getting out of here."

"Just give me a bit," He said, claws gently tracing the contours of the crystal. "This energon is well needed."

"Whatever," She dismissed, inspecting their prison and how they could possibly get out. She began work of shifting boulders, soon joined by Starscream who seemed a little more stable. Contrary to what Arcee expected, he actually pulled his weight and went for the boulders that were too big even for herself.

They burned into the midnight oil, to the point that both were exhausted, but pleased with the progress they made.

"Scrap, I was hoping I'd be rid of you by now," Arcee mock-complained, taking a spot in the corner to relax for a bit.

Taking a comfortable position as far from the autobot as possible, Starscream brusquely replied," And I of you." He turned his back to the blue autobot, feeling he'd suffered enough humiliation for today.

"Starscream..." She trailed off, then in much different tone said," You know, when your loyalties aren't in question, you're actually quite proficient at your work."

"I'll keep it in mind," He said sourly, tagging on for amusement’s sake," I'll just keep my loyalties to myself and assume everyone else as an enemy."

"That's a shame."

"Is it?"

He received no reply and went back to merely sulking at the general poor quality of life he currently lived through. "It's hard to keep loyal to any one group when every time you align with any of them, they inevitably try to kill you or use you," He commented faintly, in almost a dulcet voice. "I can't count the number of times Megatron threatened my life before he finally decided I'd outlived my usefulness. I helped MECH and in exchange I underwent organ theft. Before, when I pledged my  allegiance with the _autobots_ , I let slip something I did in my previous life as a _decepticon_ , and I was nearly _murdered_..."

"I spared you..."

"Yes, and I have your mute friend to thank for that."

"He has a name. It's-"

With a sigh, he handwaved it and said," Yes, yes, I know. Bumblebee." He turned his head slightly to see the other. She appeared to be thinking something over, and had a sullen expression. "Don't waste your time pitying me," He hissed bitterly," If you wanted to waste your time doing that, you could've a millennia ago. Nothing's changed."

Getting to his feet with a groan, he said," Let's continue on. At least I am." He couldn't take another iota of this, time for emotional thinking, or whatever it was. His optics displaying images in low quality as he exhausted his systems, he continued the digging, just wanting to escape this cave already.

Examining him working, Arcee advised," You should sit out a bit longer, I'll take on some work right now."

"I'm _fine_ ," He dismissed, though clearly lying. He was making it out of this cave as soon a fragging possible, and escaping the autobot even sooner if viable. He sidled away slightly as she came up to help the process along.

They continued chipping away at the walls,  both feeling progressively better as the wall seemed to be thinner. Abruptly, a mace of sorts came barreling through, catching Starscream across the jaw. Flying back and painfully making contact with  a stone wall, Starscream yelled," You bumbling buffoon! Watch where you are swinging!"

The decepticon was ignored as Bulkhead clamored," Arcee, thought we'd never see ya' again!" He pulled her into a brief hug, much to Starscream's dismay. The large autobot was followed by Optimus and Bumblebee.

Her optics flashing to the injured decepticon, Arcee said," Yeah, same. Actually, it was Starscream who saved me from a large pile of rubble." She pointed to the fallen con and Bulkhead looked between the two with a mild air of confusion.

"Why would Screamers help you?"

The most panicked look that Arcee had ever seen came to Starscream's optics as Arcee began to answer. "Why else? The same reason as always. He needs medical attention. Again."

He looked away, seemingly embarrassed, but she caught the huge gust of relief blowing over him and the gratitude in his countenance.

"And," She added, smirking a little at the way he physically jumped," He wouldn't have been able to get out himself.

"I am proud of you, Arcee," Optimus Prime said in a deep, gratified voice, obviously alluding to the fact she'd managed to keep herself from killing to con who killed Cliffjumper.

"Well, the unexpected is always waiting to happen," She brushed off the praise.

Bumblebee posed a question, immediately followed with Prime answering," We will offer medical assistance since he helped one of our own." He still hoped that the other could have a change of heart and still regretted not offering Megatron the chance to change earlier in their war. "But we're going to need to take him back with us." He walked up to the ex con and took a knee beside him.

As the large bot reached for him, Starscream trembled and jumped at contact, but then looked down at his hand, perplexed at seeing the Prime actually helping him to his feet. He didn't understand... None the less, he rose to his feet with the other's help and looked around at the surrounding autobots.

Even when he knew they were here to help, it unnerved him to be surrounded by so many of the bots he had considered dire enemies for a very long time; especially since while they could all transform to escape should they need to, he was completely flightless.

"Forgive us, but you understand we can't let you enter our base consciously," Optimus apologized as Ratchet walked through the ground bridge holding an instrument that would put him into stasis no doubt.

Starscream meekly nodded as the doctor made his way over, began to use the device, and the con slumped into Optimus Prime's arms. "Autobots, let us return to our base."

"Just one second, something was left behind," Arcee excused herself, swiftly transforming to her motorcycle mode and heading back to where they had been trapped. She returned on foot holding the wing their enemy had left behind. "Um, he lost it, while saving me," She said, hoping it would be convincing to reattach it. She didn't actually know how the con lost it, and without his T-Cog, it was completely useless, but she knew would mean a lot to him.

As everyone headed to ground bridge, Ratchet took the broad wing and hummed in thought. "I'm not very practiced with wings, but I should be able attach it with little trouble."

As Arcee trailed the group, she kept her gaze to her feet, not daring to let her optics trail on the unconscious decepticon that had admitted feelings for her less than an hour earlier. Bumblebee pulled her out of her thoughts with a simple question, and she said," I'm fine, just a little exhausted. We dug through a lot of rock." As the word 'we' rolled out of her vocalizer, her optics found themselves on Starsream, and she wasn't so sure she was fine.

~~

~~

"This handiwork, it's so intricate," Ratchet commented as he worked on the decepticon in stasis. "Look at how many times it's been reinforced," He said, gesturing for Arcee to come over.

A mission had the other three autobots out of base, but the group had unanimously agreed that another bot had to stay behind with Ratchet since they had the enemy at base and it wouldn't be good if he awoke.

Coming over, Arcee felt a little uneasy about looking into Starscream's chest cavity, but she had seen worse, so she peered in anyways. "All I see is a whole lot of welded metal."

With a shake of his head, Ratchet continued," It tells a story. Everything done medically does. It takes a genius committed to the job to heal without marks of what happened." Tracing a particular section with his forefinger, he expounded," It's been reinforced right there so many times, it's almost as if he was getting healed only to get beaten immediately after."

 _'How long and hard I worked for that lowlife, immoral, degenerate, and how shamelessly he tortured me over and over again?!_ ,' rang through Arcee's processors and she averted her gaze. "I'm sure working for Megatron wasn't easy," She mumbled out.

"I imagine not," The doctor concurred. “And the damage left by MECH would have become irreparable if he didn’t get medical attention within the next few months.” A few sparks flew as he started up work in the lower abdomen.

With a small laugh, Arcee said,“ I guess he’s lucky to have gotten us trapped in that cave.” Immediately feeling awkward in having phrased it like that, she went silent.

Ratchet was oblivious to the other’s sudden muteness and agreed,” Who knows how fate works, but his has an odd way of traveling.”

~~

~~

Starscream awoke in the middle of a forest, propped up by a boulder, and as far as he could tell, far from human civilization. He was dazed and confused, and couldn't recall how he got there, but remembered being put into stasis by the autobots. Surprise warmed the con as he realized how much better he felt. His systems must have been functioning at near optimum.

The joy was halted as he remembered his poor wing, but it didn't _feel_ missing. Twisting his head around, he found to his surprise, it was once again attached. A thin band of lighter grey marked where it had been welded back on, buffed almost enough that one wouldn't notice.

 His gaze fell to his forearms, only to be astonished once again. Though they weren't as impressive as what he was used to, a small missile adorned each arm.  Had the autobots decided to give him full aide out of thanks? Or had Arcee...? Starscream plunged that thought out of mind. It was ridiculous and absurd; Arcee's only response to her finding out he had affections for her was to tell him he was insane.

It didn't truly matter he supposed, it was just good to be back in near fighting condition.


	2. Chapter 2

Arcee sat in front of the school, waiting for Jack to finish. Relief surged through the bot as the final bell rang and she was assured a small wait for her human charge. When he finally arrived and mounted the seat, she was ready to take off and did, well over the 15 mph limit for the school zone.

"Woah, Arcee, you okay?" He asked, still shoving his helmet on while trying to appear as if he was driving.

Curtly, she replied," Fine."

“Yeah, try telling me that while you’re not trying to run a red light.”

She must have just realized the traffic lights were yellow and screeched to a halt, her treads feeling the burn. “I could have made it easily.”

“What’s that you’re always telling me about the whole-”

“Jack, I’m not really in the mood for a lesson right now,” She interrupted. It had been only three days since being trapped in that cave and treating the decepticon ended up being more than Ratchet had anticipated and took a full day. Seeing the other completely helpless and having to hear and see all about his injuries old and new, it had spooked her, left her on edge, far more than it should’ve. The two days since they had left him, he’d made an annoying habit of popping into whatever she was thinking about.

“Arcee, you can tell. Whatever’s got you down, I’ll listen; I’m here for you,” He offered, placing a hand reassuringly on the dash.

“It’s Starscream,” She confided. “While we were in the cave...” She trailed off, unsure if she should continue. It was weird, or at least, she couldn’t get used to the idea. “He told me he had a crush on me.”

“What?!”

“That is the correct terminology, right?” She asked, feeling a little more insecure than she already had been. It was the term he had used, so she assumed it was right. “A mildly infantile conveyance of affection towards another?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s a way to put it,” Jack said, a little astonishment hinted in his voice. “Really? Starscream?”

Tentatively, the motorcycle autobot affirmed,” Yes, Starscream, and I don’t know how to react to it.”

Jack didn’t honestly know either, he knew what it was like to have a crush on a girl for a very long time, and to not even be noticed by the other. “I’ve had a crush on Sierra for... _quite_ a while, and she didn’t even know that I existed until the day you first came into my life. She still doesn’t know, hopefully, that I have a crush on her since I haven’t really been able to... y’know...” He hadn’t had the guts to ask her out yet, that was the truth, but he didn’t really want to out and admit. “Uh, do you like him?”

“He killed my partner, Jack.”

“Oh, yeah...” He fell silent, not really sure how one continued off of that. Something came to mind, and he spoke up,” Optimus Prime says that people can change.”

“Sure, they can, but do they is the question,” She muttered, taking a sharp right a little less fluidly than usual. They were approaching the alley that they usually used for a ground bridge, but Arcee skipped the turn. They’d loop through town again; she wasn’t ready to return to base yet. Luckily, Jack seemed to understand, and didn’t mention it.

“How do you believe Sierra would react should you tell her that you have a crush on her?” She asked, hoping for insight into... something useful for how she felt now.

“I would hope that she would be, um, happy? I don’t know. I’m kind of afraid she’ll reject me.”

“Obtaining the Matrix of Leadership on an alien planet didn’t phase you, and then being attacked by an insecticon didn’t throw you off your game, but asking out a human girl is something to fear?”

Jack nodded to himself and said,” Yeah, pretty much.”

They rounded the corner and this time, Arcee entered the alley way for the ground bridge that Ratchet would be opening any moment. “Please, don’t mention this to anyone.”

“Of course,” Jack promised.

~~

~~

“We’re receiving a high frequency message,” Ratchet announced.

Bulkhead laughed and said,” I bet I can tell ya’ who it is!”

“And you would be right,” Ratchet affirmed, but then added,” It doesn’t make sense though. It’s complete gibberish.”

“Should we even bother? Maybe he just has us on speed dial and accidentally contacted us,” Arcee said, but then Bumblebee mentioned that maybe he didn't have the time to compose a full message if he was was being attacked. With hesitation, the blue autobot agreed," It wouldn't hurt to check into it."

"Alright, Autobots, special agent Fowler has requested our presence elsewhere, so I will send Arcee and Bumblebee," Optimus Prime said. "Bulkhead and I will attend to agent Fowler's needs."

"And if Starscream requires medical aid?" Ratchet asked.

"Then decide how best to take care of the situation," Prime decided. Giving Ratchet a nod, the ground bridge opened and he commanded," Bulkhead, let's roll out." The two shifted to vehicular modes and drove through the bridge.

Ratchet shut down the bridge, typed in Starscream's coordinates, and reopened it again.

“Well, I suppose we have to go now,” Arcee sighed and transformed into her motorcycle form, then speeding through the green portal, closely followed by the yellow muscle car.

Arriving on the other side in the forest they had left him, Arcee front flipped into robot form. Screaming came from behind the autobots, and Arcee turned to see the ex con running with all he had.

He swore as the ground bridge fizzled out and shrieked,” Run! _Run_!” His hands were bound behind his back with webs, and his run had a pained limp to it. “It looks like you autobots aren’t the only ones to find me!”

As if on cue, Airachnid came spinning into view, slinging a web at her pray. Starscream managed to leap out of the way, but with his feet off the ground, they became prime target for a web to bind them together. He fell ungracefully and slid to a stop in the mud. Frantically shuffling his feet, he succeeded in slicing himself free and leapt to his feet to keep running.

“Oh, Arcee! Is this your latest partner?” The spiderly robot came to a stop and laughed. Perched in a tree, she asked,“ Confronting me once again? Perhaps you desire _another_ late partner?”

With a furious yell, Arcee charged the decepticon, guns blazing. Even with Bumblebee assisting in firing, Airachnid dodged every blast. “I’m afraid I don’t have time to waste. I had just been enjoying myself some with Screamer.” She jumped to the ground and drilled through easily, escaping the bots.

“Scrap!” Arcee said with a frustrated stomp. Bumbled offered to stay watch, and Arcee picked up the meaning. “Fine, I’ll go check on the coward.” Neither wanted to seek him out, but the seeker was beginning to become something like the team pet. She kept silent as she sought him out, weary of alerting Airachnid to her position if the spider was still in the area after all.

Hidden in the trees surrounding a clearing, she saw Starscream carefully walking and keeping a cautious eye out for any stalking predators. His walk was slow and pained, she noticed, but was more interested in what he was able to pick up around him and why he hadn’t broken free of the binding webs yet. Arcee could tell that he was aware something was watching him, but he finally gave in and roughly took a knee, extremely attentive to his his bound arms.

With a low groan, he attempted to use his heel to cut at the webs, but found it difficult to accomplish without viciously attacking the web. He was there for at least three minutes, warily tending to his bindings, when Arcee sighed and stepped into sight and asked,” Need help?” Her tone fully indicated how annoyed she was that she was bothering to provide assistance.

He almost immediately rejected the offer, but then said,” I would actually greatly appreciate that, I’m rigged to explode should I mess this up.”

Surprise rattled through Arcee as she asked,” Airachnid is using pyrotechnics now?”

“No,” Starscream answered dully,” but that blasted spider and her web slinging caught me mid firing of my missile and caught it as it was leaving its holster. I’m lucky it hasn’t blown up yet, what with the safety being off and it already set to go.”

“Wow, that’s impressive. How do you fail at timing your shots so tremendously?” She asked teased, making her way up to the decepticon. He merely grumbled something that she imagined to be quite colorful as she came up behind him and kneeled, picking up his hands. “I promise, if you manage to blow me to smithereens, you’ll have all of the autobots to answer to.”

“Hasn’t that always been the case? You autobots are rather close nit,” He said idly, trying not to let his concern show as she handled the missile. One wrong cut in the web and they were both goners.

She began to selectively cut thread by thread of the web and mockingly agreed,” Yeah, we care for eachother, how weird.”

He scoffed and grumbled,” You don’t know how strange it is. Wha- Hey! Be care with that!” She had wrenched his arms to the left to get a better angle.

“Do you want my help? I’m not obliged to give it.” The con was suddenly a lot more compliant as she continued the stressful work. One wrong snip and- “Oh frag!” She wrenched his arm again, but this time straight up into the air as the missile spiraled away, miraculously missing both of them in its voluted path.

“Look at what your clumsy fingers accomplished now!” He cried, staring up at the missile creating a light show in the sky. There went his only means of defense.

A yellow and black muscle car came racing into view and anxiously asked if everything was alright.

“Yes, Bumblebee. He was just the butt of Airachnid’s joke,” Arcee explained with a small smile. “If it wasn’t for me, he’d still be a walking bomb.”

With a jovial tune, Bee teased that maybe Starscream should just join the autobots if they were assisting him so much.

“Are you _insane_?! I’ll stay neutral, thank you very much,” Starscream spat as he stood to his feet rubbed his wrists. “Last time I tried to join the autobots, I  was nearly _murdered_!”

Bee’s eyes whirred as his expression dropped and he looked over to Arcee, who looked suddenly very uncomfortable. “Ratchet,” She called placing her her hand on her helmet,” Ready to bridge back.”

“What was the situation?”

As Arcee watched Starscream walk away, a limp still noticeable to his gait, she hesitated before answering,” He was attacked by Airachnid, but she got away before we could engage her in a proper fight. Uh, Starscream...” She had scruples as to whether she should offer any aid at all. He was walking and not dripping any energon as opposed to normal... “Do you require medical assist-”

Raising a hand dismissively, he said,” I’ll manage on my own.” His words were slightly injured as his footing failed, but he continued walking into the forest without sparing a glance back.

 Arcee didn’t understand why she was a little frustrated by this response, but she simply gave a sigh through her air intakes and finished her report with Ratchet. “It will just be Bumblebee and me, we’ll explain later.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a whole lot of interaction between Starscream and Arcee in this chapter, but it's for the sake of story line v.v

 “Prime?!” Fowler’s voice came through the console.

 “What is it Agent Fowler?” Ratchet asked, Optimus Prime being gone with Bumblebee in South Africa and obviously unavailable at head quarters.

 “Decepticons must have attacked one of my men’s bases, it has a small energon pool in it! I want to know why you guys don’t seem to even give it mind.”

 “Woah, there, calm down. We didn’t know,” Arcee retorted, walking up behind Ratchet. “Is there anything you can discern as being their cause for attacking?”

 “Well, here’s the strange thing. None of my men saw or heard _anything_ , when presumably a twenty foot robot paraded through the base while injured. And, the intruder only took two missiles.”

 “Only two? What kind?” Ratchet asked.

 “A set of AIM-9L Sidewinders,” The other responded.

 Arcee and Ratchet exchanging glances, they simultaneously voiced together,” Starscream.”

 “Starscream?” The agent echoed.

 Typing the coordinates that were presented as the assaulted base, Ratchet confirmed,” The base is not far from the last place we saw him, and he wouldn’t have had to cross through any moderately populated areas.”

 “Then he can’t have gotten far. We should locate him,” Arcee said, receiving an incredulous look and asking,” What?”

 “And what would we do when we found him?”

 “Well, you could start with making the con return the missiles he stole,” Fowler said in an agitated tone. “I really would rather avoid having to explain.”

 “We’re on it,” Ratchet assured Fowler.

 “Well, I want a report if possible. Fowler out.”

 Ratchet closed the comm link and sent Arcee a questioning gaze.

 “I can do this, without a problem,” She promised.

 “Alright, well I’ll send you and Bulkhead.” With a sigh, he grumbled,” I don’t know what we’re going to do about Starscream. We would hate to send him back running to the decepticons, but I highly doubt we could trust him to be an autobot, and we can’t leave him neutral as we can clearly see from several incidents, this one being minor in comparison.”

 “I know, but he’s saved me before, and...”

 “So he has had a few streaks of helpfulness, but I’d expect you of all people to remember how he’s wronged our side.”

 Averting her gaze awkwardly, she agreed,” Yes, he’s been helpful before.” Though, it was probably for other reasons than Ratchet suspected. “And I can’t forgive him for what he did to Cliffjumper, but Optimus wouldn’t exact revenge against a defenseless opponent.”

 “Well, we’ll play by ear then, try to figure out what he wants and decipher a correct course of action.”

 “Bulkhead, gear up, we’re heading out,” Arcee called, readying herself to exit the ground bridge and search for Starscream.

 The two autobots shifted to vehicular mode, when Miko came running up. “Hey, Bulk! Can I come along, _please_?”

 “I don’t know...” Bulkhead said as he remembered the scene while he was holding up the collapsing mine’s ceiling and Starscream went out of his way just to frighten her.

 “Just say yes,” Arcee sighed with a nettled air. Arcee’s bad mood wasn’t Miko’s fault; Starscream just couldn’t stay out of her life. “It’ll be easier to keep her safe when we know she’s there from the get go.”

 With that the autobots and human took off, arriving at an army base within seconds.

 “Bulkhead, you cover northeast, I’ve got southeast.”

 As the all terrain vehicle followed the directions, Miko asked,” What about the rest of the cardinal directions?”

 “Well from what I remember, a bunch’a cities are pretty close to the west,” He answered, gently rolling through the lush forest that was home to the military establishment. Fog curled around the vehicle as it rolled through.

 “Oh, well I guess that makes sense,” She commented before saying,” Ooh! Turn it up, Bulk!” With the music cranked up, both were singing along, or as Jack would phrase it, ‘screaming along’, and they kept in search of the cybertronian thief. Little luck seemed to be greeting them.

 Resting her chin on her hand, Miko sighed and mumbled,” This is boring. Where’s all the fire fights and brawling?”

 “I hope it doesn’t come to that. He wouldn’t stand a chance.”

 Abruptly, Bulkhead was pulling to a stop, having almost not seen a cliff in time because the fog was so thick.

 “Whew! That was a close one,” Miko exclaimed with a laugh.

 “You can say that again,” Bulkhead rumbled, about to back up when he realized a giant form was behind him.

 “Scrap! I knew you autobots would come searching for me! Why can’t you leave me alone? I didn’t harm _any_ of the fleshlings, and only took what I absolutely needed for survival,” a distressed Starscream exclaimed, both missiles pointed directly at the jeep.

 “Woah, Screamer, put away the missiles! We just want to talk,” Bulkhead hurriedly insisted, not so much concerned for his own life as he was his passenger's.

 “Unlikely, I’m no fool,” Starscream snarled,” You could crush me in seconds if I gave you the chance.”

 “But why would I? We just want to know... diplomatic... discussion, and peacefully find out whatcha’ up to right now.”

 This seemed to calm the other slightly, his cocked arms retracting slightly- though they were easily capable of aiming in the time it would take Bulkhead to access any weapon. He jumped at Bulkhead opening his door to allow Miko out so he could transform. His ruby optics didn’t hide any of his wariness at this.

 “Are you hurt? We found energo-”

 “I don’t want to talk about it,” The seeker quickly interrupted, holding one servo to his abdomen.

 “Dude, you got creamed by Airachnid again, didn’t you?” Miko shouted, running to center stage between the cybertronians.

 “Miko!”

 “Tell your insolent pet to behave herself!” Starscream growled, clenching and unclenching his servo in simmering anger.

 “She’s not my pet! She’s a friend,” Bulkhead quickly clarified, and followed up with a defense,” And she isn’t insolent either!” He wasn’t one hundred percent on the words meaning, but he knew it was demeaning.

 With a pout, the girl mumbled,“ I was just sayin’...”

 “Miko, get behind me,” Bulkhead ordered gently. He couldn’t get the ex-con’s cold enjoyment of scaring Miko in the mine out of his head. She sighed, but followed his command, glumly dragging her feet as she walked around his large feet.

 A shrill shriek could be heard as her foot caught some underbrush. Bulkhead swiveled his whole body, but not quickly enough. With horror, he realized the only way he’d be quick enough to grab her would involve crushing her in the process. He started to jump to the bottom so he could catch her there, but a spindly hand restricted him and suddenly he saw the seeker plummeting.

 Basically doing a modified pencil dive, Starscream swiftly overcame the falling human and grabbed her, now focusing on the ground and how quickly it was approaching. Spreading eagle to create as much drag as possible, he only placed his feet beneath him at the last second, guiding the human in his grasp to the ground and removing the speed of her descent.

 She groaned as he dropped her the last three feet, her whole body taking the brunt of the contact with the ground. “Ow, what was that for?” She got her feet and stretched out a sore shoulder.

 He held in a grimace at the immeasurable pain screaming through his bearings at the landing. On the drop, almost 0 to 200 in 9.6 seconds. The landing, 200 to 0 in 0.3 seconds. “That is the gratitude I get? You can still walk. You’re welcome.” He wasn’t so sure he could himself, not immediately anyways.

 “Holy scrap! You saved me in high heels! Wicked!”

 “H-high heels? What are you blabbering about, human?” He shifted as she neared him and reached out a hand to his foot.

 “You’re wearing, like, fragging stilettos!”

 Deciding to completely ignore the blathering fleshling, he glared up at the cliff and moaned,” I _hate_ climbing...” If only he could fly.

 Bulkhead came driving recklessly down the cliff, calling out,” Miko...! Are you alright?!” Seeing her standing and smiling sent warm cheer through his whole body, his spark pulsed in absolute relief. Transforming back to robot mode, he clapped Starscream on the back and clamoured,” Thanks for saving her life!”

 Sent sprawling a few meters, he cleared his vocalizer and said,” Hmm yes, Mention it to your friends.” Looking back, he hesitated before saying,” Assuming the invitation is still extended to me, I wish to join the Autobots.” Going neutral had been hard. Living while neutral had been intensely difficult. Surviving while neutral after losing his T-Cog, absolutely torturous.

 “Uh, let me call base,” Bulkhead said, a little surprised. He’d come to retrieve the missiles Starscream stole, not Starscream.

 ~~

~~

 “Autobots, we must reach a decision regarding the potential new addition to the autobot team. While he has hurt each of us in various ways, I believe him to possess a redeeming quality that he has never had the chance to reveal,” Optimus Prime started the debate with. They had to decide whether to let Starscream join or not, and if so in either choice, what to do with him.

 “While it is true that he has dealt much damage to us, having an inside eye at the decepticons would be advantageous,” Ratchet offered pragmatically.

 Bee interjected that Starscream had helped MECH with the T-Cog crisis, actually shooting the bot’s very own T-Cog.

 “And he clearly deems humans as insignificant, caring little for their life,” Arcee spoke up.

 “But he saved Miko,” Bulkhead pointed out.

 “He’s been known to do stuff that he doesn’t like if it will earn him a favorable outcome,” Ratchet said.

 “He killed Cliffjumper,” Arcee said softly, clutching at her spark. Her raw anger had morphed over her coming to know Starscream, but the residual desolation would never fade, and given the right ignition, blind fury could still come over his death.

 The group thought over this predicament pensively. To allow the murderer of their partner solace and freedom under autobot protection seemed like an insult to Cliff’s memory, but to cast Starscream aside after having shown he wasn’t completely vile of spirit would bring them too close to decepticon standards for any of their likings.

 “Pl-please,” Starscream spoke up, catching all of the autobots off guard. They had secured him so he couldn’t overhear their decision... He still wore the cuffs, but he’d managed to escape the room they’d locked him in. While the ex-con was glad that he didn’t require any cuffs on his wings, they were severely uncomfortable, it did get at him a little in proving just how much less of a threat they considered him now.

 “Please, I’ve done terrible, atrocious things over my life. I regret them all. I wish I could take it all back by saying sorry,” he begged. Starscream was too clever by half; he was well aware of how profound his silver tongue was and how grandiose his successes were, but also how massive his failures ended up.  His best chance of survival without his T-Cog, he’d come to realize, was to seek aid from the autobots. “I apologize profusely for the horrendous crimes against both cybertronians and humans I’ve committed.” He was thankful he managed to use a polite word for the earthlings, a few other choices had almost rolled out of his vocalizer.

 Seeing a spark of hope in their curious gazes between each other, he continued,” You must realize however, most of what I have done, has been as a decepticon, but I’ve shed a new light. Taking first the tentative steps of neutrality, I wish to advance to the true side of good.”

 “So you worked for MECH and shot Bee’s T-Cog as part of the decepticons?” Arcee asked darkly.

 “I did say most, but old habits are hard to break. Please, if you will not let me atone for what I’ve done and join the autobots, at least grant me asylum. I need you all to help me not further the corruption of my spark. I need a strong moral presence to keep me from sliding once more. I beg of you.”

 Arcee rolled her optics at the theatrics, but couldn’t help but feel there was some truth to his words.

 No one was given the time they needed to think about the seeker’s desperate speech as a blaring alarm rang through headquarters. “Decepticons on the move,” Ratchet confirmed.

 “Well, what are we waiting for? We can get back to him later,” Arcee said. They couldn’t afford to lose any energon race; resources were running so low.

 “Ratchet, do what ever you deem necessary to secure our base,” Optimus Prime said,” We will alert you when we need a bridge back.”

 “Understood,” The medic said as he typed in the commands and lifted the lever that controlled the ground bridge.

 Starscream arched his orbital ridges as the fleshling with shocks of pink in her hair dashed to the portal, seemingly unnoticed, but didn’t say anything. That human had often accompanied the autobots in the past, so presumably she was granted access. The ground bridge closed, narrowly following the male humans passage; Starscream was mildly surprised they made it through.

 Ratchet looked over to the seeker and said,” Well, it looks like it’s just you and me now.” He picked up energon cuffs and added,” If you please...”

 “Hmm, yes,” Starscream agreed,” Just us.” He internally groaned. The other expected him to bind himself? Though, at least that meant he could do it as it was most comfortable. Starscream would have much rather be stuck with Bumblebee or Bulkhead; the scout seemed quick to forgive and innocent, and the prior wrecker had a gentle disposition. As he thought about it though, he’d committed far less offences against the medical officer in recent times, so maybe this was for the best. The seeker winced as the cuffs activated, effectively crossing his arms and locking them there.

 Strolling around the control room, he tapped his claws against his arms in boredom. “I don’t understand why you let humans on your missions,” He commented offhand, not really knowing what else to talk about and it not being in his character to remain silent.

 “Humans?” Ratchet asked, gaze swinging to where the kids often hung out. Seeing an empty couch, Ratchet’s shoulders drooped and he sighed.

 “Yes, the female entered the bridge, closely followed by the other two.”

 “Of course she did,” Ratchet muttered to himself before opening the comm link to let the other autobots know the kids were there.

 “I take it they weren’t supposed to attend the fight?”

 “No,” Ratchet admitted, as much as he hated letting the other know the autobots couldn’t even manage their human friends.

 “Interesting,” The seeker commented before changing the topic and asking,” Must I really be bound?” It was so uncomfortable, and his missiles had already been stripped from him, it wasn’t like he could achieve all that much... Well, after glancing at the console the doctor stood next to, he conceded _he could_ , but he knew it wasn’t in his best interest.

 “I hope this doesn’t come as too big of a shock to you, but we can’t exactly trust you.”

 “You wound me.”

 Ratchet wished the seeker could have gone with the others; the medic had a lot to get done. That, and he couldn’t work on the sensitive material he’d scheduled for today. A frustrating day was nothing new however, and Ratchet continued messing with the computer terminal. The science officer decided to ignore the other and proceed working on the less secretive things.

 Starscream sat down and abstractedly watched Ratchet working since he had nothing better to do. It’d been a long time since he worked at a computer station for any length of time. The other stole uncomfortable glances in his direction, obviously uneasy under his gaze. “How could I ever earn forgiveness after all of my transgressions against everyone?”

 With a low hum as the scientist though over the question, he finally answered,” Honestly, I do not know. You’ve proven over and over again you can’t be trusted, and be it you immoral or amoral, you’ve stabbed many backs and wounded many sparks. Still... as Optimus has remained hopeful of, every mech is capable of change if they truly devote themselves and embrace a new life.”

 “That’s rather idealistic.”

 “Yes,” Ratchet said solemnly. Many times had he questioned the wide eyed idealism hidden under his leader’s growing despondency, but many times had it proven a relief that sometime optimism was rewarded. “But in these dark times, a healthy dose of optimism does the spark well.”

 “As a decepticon, the only thing that rewarded optimism was harsh, bitter disappointment,” Starscream said. “At least if you were pessimistic, you could never be disappointed, just bleakly proven right.”

 “Just another major divide between autobots and decepticons.”

 Looking downwards, uncharacteristically timorous, the seeker tentatively asked,” Do you really think a mech can change?”

 Ratchet looked over with mild surprise, reading the undertones. _Do you really think a decepticon can change? Do you really think_ I _can change?_ Of course, he didn’t get a chance to answer, though perhaps that was for the best. The medic wasn’t exactly sure _what_ his stance on the matter was.

 “Ratchet, emergency ground bridge,” Arcee called through the comm.

 “Locking onto your coordinates.”

 The autobots came screeching into the base, followed by enemy fire, a single blast making it passed the safety barrier and striking one of the tools on Ratchet’s table.

 “ _I needed that!_ ” The bot called angrily, shutting down the bridge. _Great_ , that just added two things to his list of things to do (which was long enough, Primus knew). Replace his pneumatic wrench, and take a look at the safety parameters of the ground bridge.

 “Miko, it is not safe for you on the battlefield,” Optimus Prime said as he unfolded to his great stature as a robot. His voice was thick with solemn concern and the slightest hint of exasperation could _almost_ be recognised by someone who knew him well.

 Jumping out of her friend’s cab so he could also transform, Miko looked up at the autobot leader and said,” But Bulk’s got my back.”

 “Miko,” Bulkhead sighed,” I need to focus on the fight, not-” He cut off as he looked down at her, not really sure how to properly express what he meant.

 Her eyes furrowed as he trailed off, feeling betrayed and hurt by the one being who had always seemed to get her. “Me? You don’t want to think about me? Fine. I’ll just be going then so you don’t have to watch your footing,” Miko said, rubbing at her eye as she stormily stomped out of the room into the halls.

 Bulkhead tried to follow her to apologise, but as soon as he took a single clamorous step, she raised her hand out to signal ‘stop’, and said,” Don’t worry, you don’t have to think about me, so you don’t have to feel bad.”

 Staring forlornly, he looked around to his buddies, searching for a shred of help as to what he was supposed to do. Starscream watched the proceedings, wisely keeping silent (though he had a few quips that he would have loved to use throughout the scene). Looked like the autobots had just as much drama floating through the ranks as the decepticons, even if not as perfidious.

 ~~

~~

 “Oh! Starscream!” Miko squeaked as she jumped up to her feet, sparing the other only a quick glance before looking down to her equipment. She’d been sitting and idly strumming at the nuisance the fleshling called a guitar when the newest autobot entered the room. “Uh, sorry. Forgot they assigned you this room, it’s where I always hang out, er, I guess ‘hung out’, when I’m feeling down. The acoustics are great.”

 The seeker glared down at her with a mix of amusement and curiousness. “The past tense ‘hung’, with any luck, is more applicable.”

 “Right,” She said, as she quickly fumbled to unplug her amp and hightail it out of there. If she was completely honest, the ex con totally freaked her out. Of course she’d never admit it, but how cold he could be and how much he obviously enjoyed frightening her while she tried to save Bulk, toss in that he had been second in command of the decepticon army, _and_ he’d assisted MECH with the whole T-Cog business, also frying Bumblebee’s in the process, and he was one completely twisted, terrifying cybertronian. Aside from all of that, however, her main reason for being so quick to leave was she didn’t want him to see. She’d been crying.

 “You don’t need to be so quick to leave, so long as you do,” He said with a shrug. It wasn’t like he cared about time; he had nothing to do. Scrutinizing the human who kept rubbing at her eyes, he asked,” What is wrong with you eyes, girl?”

 She stiffened at this and quickly shook her head, saying,” Nothing! Nothing at all.”

 “You’re crying,” Starscream observed, getting to one knee and peering at the human with a little interest.

 Knowing she’d been caught and couldn’t really deny it, she stared up and Starscream and asked,” What? Transformers don’t?” She propped her hand on her hip and tried not to come off as vulnerable as she felt.

 “No, _Cybertronians_ do cry, it’s just, never without reason.”

 She went back to gathering her things and muttered,” I had a reason.”

 “Really? A comrade or brother died? You’ve been horribly mutilated beyond recognition and marooned on an unknown planet? How about-”

 “I get it! You’re problems are more important than mine! Whatever, I don’t care,” She snapped. She lifted the mini amp as soon as she had all the cords wound up loosely. One thing Miko hated was letting others see her tears, it was usually worse than whatever had made her cry in the first place.

 Starscream realized with a little dread that if he let her leave and the autobots saw a crying Miko running out his room, that would be very, very bad. Getting to his feet, he crossed his arms behind his back and analyzed the problem. “You may sit, er, stay awhile,” He offered awkwardly,“ What’s bothering you?”

“What.”

“W-what do you mean ‘what’? I offered for you to tell me what caused your crying. Isn’t that how human convention proceeds?”

“Well, yeah, but you’re _Starscream_. You’re like... anti-human and stuff...”

 He shrugged and said,” I’ve recently turned a new leaf.”

 “‘Cause you were sick of getting beat up every we- _eek!_ ” She covered her mouth with her hands as she realized she was insulting Starscream and Bulkhead wasn’t around to save her sorry hide if the ex-con decided it was one straw too many. Turning leaves were nice and all, but a leaf was really light, it didn’t take much wind to send it spiraling.

 He growled and clenched his claws in subdued anger. He knew he wouldn’t get away with murdering the little girl, so he would have to put up with the impudent human.

 Setting her stuff down, she sat and brought her knees in close. “Everyone’s annoyed with me. Today, even Bulk was.” She crossed her arms and laid her head down on them.

 “To be fair, you’re brash and run off into danger all the time, causing more work for your friends then necessary. You cause more trouble than even I do,” He said offhandedly as he found a seat on the other side of the room.

 Raising her head and twisting it to glare at him, she said,” Wha-Hey! You’re not supposed to make me feel _worse_!”

 “I don’t know what you were expecting out of the conversation, I merely offered it. I may not completely _loathe_ your kind anymore, but I still don’t really like you either.”

 “Gee. Thanks.”

 “Anytime.”

 She laughed and he arched an eyebrow, then rolled his optics. Humans. “I said you didn’t need to be quick, but I still wanted you to leave,” He mumbled.

 “B-but then you...”

 “I just didn’t want you crying when you left.”

 “You... nevermind. Thanks for cheering me up anyways, even if was by being aft,” She said in her usual buoyant voice, collecting her things and heading for the door.

 He held silence as he watched the human leave, thinking of how vastly different his life was from times relatively recent. Preparing for recharge, he tried to find a comfortable position, but alas could not. Sleeping out of his alt mode always brought the dark feeling being on an operation table- something he’d slept on many times- but what could he do to change that? Without his T-Cog, he was restricted to many uncomfortable nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and sorry for those who don't like Miko, but I like to write it like it could actually come from the show itself, and therefore, all main characters will be seen at some point. That, and she advances the plot out of sheer drive of character.


	4. Chapter 4

"Starscream?" Arcee asked as she entered the main control room, seeing said mech sitting on the ground and holding holding his head in his servos. It was very late at night, so why was he up, much less in the control room?

"Oh, Arcee, forgive me," he pleaded in the tone of voice he reserved for when he was being most pathetic.

"Oh, Primus, what did you do?"

"I- I almost contacted Nemesis to give them coordinates!" He said, looking to her and getting to his knees, imploring her to forgive him more. "It was a moment of weakness, but I swear, I'll never be swayed, ever!"

Walking up to him, she glared down at him and placed her servos on her hips. "You said almost, right? Then I guess we can forgive you." She didn't really see the point of him owning up to it if he didn't actually go through with it.

"I had been thinking to appease Megatron, I don't what came over me!"

She scoffed at this. He had chronic backstabbing disorder, that's what. She glanced curiously as he continued his pleading for forgiveness routine.

"You're too kind, you're so merciful!" He said, hurriedly following up with," As it was, I did take down the telecommunications barrier before gaining strength."

"You did what?"

"I caught myself only a minute later and raised it once again. A minute only, I swear!"

"Do you have any clue how bad that is?" She asked furiously, taking a threatening step forward. He cringed at her approach and after a few seconds, looked up at her confused. It took a few whirring seconds of her processors for the bot to realize the significance. With an incredulous expression, Arcee said," I'm not going to hit you."

He seemed further confused for nanoseconds before switching to utter praise of how generous she was. Eerie relief flooded him, and the blue autobot felt slight disgust that he expressed she would've beat him (and that he'd given up to it without a second thought) until she remembered why his last attempt to join the autobots failed. Then the disgust redirected to herself and she averted her gaze solemnly.

"Should the decepticons have picked up our base, then we still have five minutes before they attack," he informed her," The procedure for finding autobot headquarters takes ten minutes to execute, but when it  _is_  executed, there will be a swarm."

"Then why are you staying here? You're completely unarmed," She asked out of honest curiosity.

"I- I had mind to flee," he admitted," but I wanted you to have fair warning whence they came."

The last part was soft, and it took Arcee by surprise. It came off so honest. Had the con really though to sacrifice himself for his mistake? Narrowing her optics, she accused," You weren't just awaiting your reward?"

His optics widened and he averted his gaze. "The thought had crossed my mind but I'm sick of winning his favor to..." He trailed off and Arcee could hear his plating clatter lightly as he shivered.

"Starscream?"

"It's as sore a topic as Airachnid for you," He snapped quickly. He held his hands in his lap, twiddling his fingers, and finished," So, please, don't pry."

She held her vocalizer silent, if only because he had startled her by bringing up the spider.

"Letting me roam free around the base was possibly the most stupid course of action your leader could choose," Starscream complained in frustration in his predicament. If the decepticons didn't show up, he was still in trouble with the autobots and would probably lose the few rights he maintained these sorrowful days. If they  _did_  arrive, then he would be split between whether to assist the autobots or decepticons, with dire consequences for each choice.

"Don't you blame Optimus for his generosity," She snapped. Giving his a rough glare, she added," Even if it was misplaced in affording it to you."

"But, I- I can't help but-"

"Backstab everyone who shows you kindness?"

"Two minutes left," Starscream stated, purposefully keeping his optics out of the autobot's view. They would reveal too much. How much he hurt. This would honestly be one of the  _only_  times he'd "backstabbed" someone who was every kind to him. Megatron was anything but nice.

"I'm well aware, I have a chronometer too."

Starscream acknowledged her statement with an idle nod and stayed silent. He didn't see the point in talking, it would only further the trouble he was in with the femme.

"Listen," She said awkwardly," If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me. I mean, it would keep you out of trouble and..." She obviously wasn't used to making such a personal offer, and Starscream was touched.

"The offer is mutual," Starscream said, hoping she'd take up the suggestion because while he wanted more time with her, he highly doubted he'd ever be comfortable opening up to  _anyone_.

With a bitter laugh, she admitted," Probably won't happen, I don't like to talk about myself much."

"That is also mutual." He especially didn't want to talk of his failures and darkest hours.

Through the strange power of both agreeing they wouldn't want to use the chance to talk, Arcee began," That vile spider tortured my partner and me, tortured us for information we didn't have. Scrap, she tortured me like it was her personal play time from decepticon work and she was just using the 'information' as a construct for the torture..." She cut herself off and covered her optics as they leaked coolent liquid. "But what happened to me, it's nothing. I would endure it a hundred, a thousand, however many times over it took so Tailgate didn't have to be tortured along with. That fragging spider killed him, so... so  _slowly_ , and made me watch. Watch his spark fade, his optics dim and life leave painfully. She let him bleed out all the energon he had and pumped in more so he could endure the pain even longer. It lasted... so long. Days, weeks," She gasped and looked to the ex-con as his long, thin fingers wrapped around her shoulders.

He was clearly not used to comforting another, holding her at arms distance, or maybe he was just smarter than to attempt to get too close and personal. She had pretty much outright stated she didn't feel anything similar for him as he did for her.

She wondered how he'd managed to get to her side so silently, but stopped caring and rested her head against his chest. He gently pulled her to the floor, which she obliged and curled his arms around her now that he had sign she didn't mind closer contact.

"I'm no stranger to torture, either," He confided.

"Why? Because you've tortured so many?"

"I've been on the receiving end far more then the delivering side," he bit back bitterly. His smile echoed the bitterness at her shocked silence.

 _... How shamelessly he tortured me over and over again?_  and her conversation with Ratchet rang through her head and she remembered that just because he'd been a con didn't mean he hadn't been a victim of the decepticons, even if he got himself into the position.

"You've never worked for Megatron before, you don't know how easy it is to disappoint him to a dangerous level. How if he needs a victim to be a guinea pig for his experiments, he'll have no qualms in using the very mechs that worked to create the terrible creation.

The worst part is he'll bring you to within a second of your life, only to have you healed completely so he can do it again. He'll break you so you're dysfunctional and patch you up to put you back on the medical table again, and again..." Starscream shuttered his optics as he stopped himself from continuing that line of thought.

"You... are well aware of the cybonic plague, I assume?" He asked. Hearing the femme hum in an affirmative, he continued," I was one of the creators. He claims he created it, but that is a loose term, as he had twenty bots working on it, including myself. Biological weapons take sacrifices to complete in the first place, diminishing our numbers. We had to watch our fellow peers suffer through it. A terrible, terrible way to go..."

"I know," She murmured," I've seen it in action."

"Have you? How unfortunate. When we finished, there was no cure, and Megatron wanted one immediately. Seeing as we were the only ones to know its genetic makeup and scientists afflicted with a disease are incredibly motivated to find a cure, he infected us all." His air intakes hissed as he shuddered at the memory.

"You were infected with the cybonic plague?" Arcee asked, horror filling her as she remembered vivid memories of Optimus at the virus' mercy.

"Yes, and the only one of my peers to find and use a cure. I held out as they all died, trying to leave behind as much help for the current survivors in the hopes  _someone_  would make it out alive. I was the only one. I couldn't come up with the formula fast enough. I couldn't save anybody."

"Oh, Starscream..." She didn't even find herself hating the other right now, overcome with how gruesome his story was.

"It... It was a long time ago," He shrugged off. "Anyways, it was my first step towards power."

"Yeah? How did that work out," She asked sardonically, idly thumbing the decepticon sigil.

"It is well past the time they would've come." Of course they both were well aware of this, but served as a well needed conversation ender; Starscream's composure was slipping and he didn't really like the idea of feeling any more exposed than he already did.

Arcee nodded and broke away from the embrace. "I, um, will forget about this...  _incident_ , just this once, but I swear... Should you  _ever_ -"

"It won't happen again."

Arcee wanted to believe him, she found herself  _truly_  wanting to trust the mech, but simply sighed. "Alright, I'll be recharging. I advise you do the same." She left as a motorcycle and headed to her personal chambers.

Starscream watched her leave, feeling oddly relieved after talking about such sensitive topics, something he typically hated. Looking down at the decepticon shield, he considered maybe changing it. Later, he decided, he'd think about it later. For now, he'd recharge. The ex-con walked to the chambers assigned to him and rested.


	5. Chapter 5

_The tip of his finger disintegrated as it came in contact with the computer terminal, rust having spread across his arms and servos in the final stages of the cybonic plague. He'd seen this happen to all of his colleagues, only one other survived. What monstrosity had he lead their team into making?_

_"Fallsteak," He coughed," I don't believe we shall make it through." He weakly turned his head, feeling the mechanics of his neck crumble as he did so. Starscream saw his companion gazing back with almost pink eyes, they were so dim. "I'm sorry," He apologized meekly. It had been on his suggestion that Megatron ordered the the biological weapon manufactured, and all for gaining esteem and power._

_Rust rash covered the entirety of Fallstreak's face, and flaked off as he opened his mouth and said," Starscream, it's too late for apologies."_

_Pain constricted Starscream's spark and he had to look away from his suffering friend. Fallstreak was probably the closest friend Starscream had made since the loss of his thrine, he couldn't bear that the other acknowledged it was too late and Starscream was to be the murderer of both of them, along with the rest of the lifeless scientists that surrounded them._

_"But I do not blame you. None of us has figured out a cure; you constructed it well as Lord Megatron ordered. Now only we remain, but I fear I cannot prevail much longer. In fact..." Fallstreak sunk forward and groaned. "I fear..."_

_"F-Fallstreak? No... Fallstreak..." Starscream stood up and trudged over, his knee giving out. In his descent, he frantically grabbed the table and landed his head beside his fallen and now silent partner. Fallstreak's air intakes didn't hiss anymore, and Starscream didn't have to try find out that Fallstreak's spark was extinguished. "Fallstreak... please..."_

_His shuttered eyes couldn't protect him from the knowledge that his biological weapon had just terminated the life of his last friend. Inspiration struck painfully, and he hurriedly ran to the lab station that had previously belonged to Cold Carnage._

_He had to shove the large, inert mech, but found the cybertronian difficult to move in his decaying condition. With substantial propulsion from his still slightly functional thrusters, he managed to knock the mech off his chair and assumed the lab station._

_It suddenly made so much sense as he mixed chemical compounds and constructed a cure._

_The perishing seeker didn't have time for testing, so he immediately drained a partial vial into his systems. The world radically spinning around him, he desperately ran to Fallstreak and injected the other with the new serum. Fallstreak_ had  _to live. If he cured the plague, then maybe his spark could pull through... Maybe it could... It had to work, it had to work._

_Desolate, Starscream finally acknowledged it was futile and slinked to the edge of the room, as far from the grey scientists, color drained along with their lives, as possible. The room was littered with bodies of his fallen comrades, and the last remaining seeker knew he had failed them all. He almost hoped his concoction wouldn't save himself so he wouldn't have to live through all of this. Letting them die only for him to make it out alive..._

_With a shudder, some more rust decayed metal fell to the floor, echoing eerily in the otherwise silent lab. Starscream shuttered his eyes and entered recharge._

Dread filled his circuits as he rose from recharge state. Silently without allowing himself time to think clearly, he arose and left his chambers, heading straight for a certain blue autobot's. His servo made a soft but high pitched ring as he rapped it against the door of Arcee's quarters.

The door opened as Arcee unfolded from motorcycle shape. "Starscream?" She walked over and asked," Why are you here?"

"I- I can't... I don't want..." He stumbled over his words before bowing his head and muttering," I don't want to be alone... Not again." He had been required to stay sequestered for a full stellar cycle before his results could be observed, the quarantine essential to ensure he truly wasn't still afflicted. A stellar cycle trapped with those less fortunate than he, all dead because he couldn't come up with a cure fast enough. Another half stellar cycle had been spent in a sterile room to further ensure he was decontaminated.

His optics couldn't make their way to the other; he was too embarrassed, but also too unnaturally lonely to leave. Realizing she wasn't saying anything, he weakly added," I wouldn't take up much room, may I recharge in the corner?" He finally had the courage to look her in the optics, and her gaze swiftly shifted as she could see his expression.

She stepped back to let him in and said," I have to bring Jack to school tomorrow morning, so you better not be a bother." She frowned as he simply nodded compliantly and asked," You want to talk about it?"

"Oh, no, by the Allspark, no," He immediately answered with a shiver.

"Oh, well, just sleep over there," She said, gesturing to the area farthest from herself, her voice betraying her awkwardness at letting him in.

He did as he was told, sitting by the wall, curling his feet in a conscious attempt to take up less space. He watched Arcee curl into her vehicular form, wondering if she did so in a similar attempt.

A motorcycle revving her engines roused Starscream, and he opened optics to find himself in Arcee's quarters. Seeing Arcee, he remembered his request from the previous night, and averted his gaze in humiliation. He had seriously came crawling to her and shamefully asked to recharge in her room because he was lonely?

"I thought you promised you wouldn't be a bother, you spoke all last night," Arcee teased on her way out.

"Wh-what? What did I say?"

"Sorry, I don't have the time to talk, I have to pick up Jack," She called as she raced down the hallway.

Starscream stared after her and frantically tried to recall what he had said, but alas, as he was recharging at the time, found himself unable.

* * *

Starscream stood in the corner of the room, observing the autobots during a time of rest. Miko and Bulkhead had already patched things up and were hanging out in a corner, Miko showing off the new song she'd learned. Ratchet was predictably working at the console and Optimus Prime assisted him. Jack and Raf were playing some earthling game on the television that sounded a lot like racing, and Bumblebee stood behind cheerfully rooting them on.

That left Arcee unattended for, and Starscream looked around, surprised when he saw her lithe form approaching him. Embarrassment flamed through his air intakes and he pretended not to see her. She'd said this morning that he had spoken during his recharging period, but not what he'd spoken of. If his intuition was correct, he'd dreamt of the cybonic plague, and that was so personal and painful. He desperately hoped he was wrong.

"Hey there."

Starscream gripped his hands behind his back as cautiously greeted," Good evening."

"So how are you?"

"Fine, never better," He lied, feeling her optics on him, seeing right through it.

"And last night?"

"Well, ah..." he definitely didn't want to talk about it, and especially not in the presence of all the autobots. "Just a bad memory loop. Nothing to worry about."

"Uh huh, that's why you-" She cut off and said a little less caustically," Why don't I take you on a tour of the base?"

For once, the chance of being alone with Arcee didn't thrill him, but he didn't see anyway out of it. "What a lovely opportunity..."

The two walked leisurely through the halls, but Starscream was anything but calm.

"Only our audio receptors," She said, curiosity gripping her expression. "So, who's Fallstreak?" Arcee stopped and turned to look back at the frozen seeker.

He couldn't immediately trust his voice to be cooperative in his attempt to remain stoic, so the silver cybertronian merely looked away. After a few cycles, he sighed and spat out," Only if you talk about Tailgate." He didn't honestly know or care about the bot, or who he was to Arcee, but Fallstreak was too painful a subject. If he must talk of him, then he expected Arcee to say something equally doleful. Also, he expected she would drop it in favor of not having to bring up her past.

The blue bot surprised him by putting her servos on her hips and saying," Fine." Crossing her arms a little insecurely, she continued," He was brave and strong, and he would have hated the idea of Earth speed limits. He..." She broke off with a small laugh, body language loosening up slightly," was an interesting choice for a scout and was a little radical in his beliefs, but he just wanted the best for everyone. Everything he did was to help others."

Looking straight at Starscream, she whispered," He went out with a smile, trying to tell me everything was would be alright, even as Airachnid stabbed him. I was powerless to help him."

"I- I'm sorr-"

Cutting him off, Arcee shook her head slowly, uttering only the name," Fallstreak?" Starscream didn't need to apologize for Tailgate's death, that was Airachnid's doing. He needed to uphold his end of the bargain. She'd talked about Tailgate, now it was his turn.

"Fallstreak... He was a fellow scientist, and after Jetfire, and then my thrine, Skywarp and Thundercracker... I guess you could say he was my only... _Friend_. We worked on the cybonic plague together, and we were the last left while searching for a cure... Fallstreak was a seeker dedicated to science, and was by no means battle ready, but that was fine since he never dreamed of being a warrior; he simply wanted to contribute to the decepticon cause however he could. He followed me in my efforts to gain Megatron's favor, as I attempted the most intense leaps of science, and... It got him killed."

She averted her eyes and continued walking, gesturing to the left as she said," Medbay, though you should know  _that_ place rather well." Starscream quickly followed, walking double time until he caught up.

"And this is..." She trailed off before introducing Storage Room Delta. He knew the base well enough already; this "tour" was just a ruse to get the seeker to talk. "It must have been terrible." Starscream had mentioned that Fallstreak had died because he couldn't find a cure fast enough, right? "I mean, feeling helpless to save his life." It was something that she could unfortunately identify with.

"The truest cruelty is that I figured out the antidote less than a breem after his spark extinguished," He replied. The silver cybertronian had spent a lot of time hating himself because his processors couldn't have worked just slightly faster.

"How is a mech like  _you_  able to invoke sympathy?" Arcee asked herself in a whisper.

"Perhaps it's a prodigious talent of mine," Starscream suggested with a painful and bitter smirk. "I managed to disloyaly follow Megatron for eons, and it wasn't until recently he finally had enough of my... treachery upon his side."

"You  _killed_  Cliff," She said in a dangerously low tone," but yet I can't help feel sorry for your loss of so many partners. I  _hate_  you for what you did, but I still find myself... liking you a little bit..."

She shook her head lightly, staring down. Covering her face, she mumbled," Tour over." With perplexed despondency, the blue autobot stalked off.

 _She'll never stop hating me_ , was the revolving thought on his mind as he watched her leave him to his lonesome once again.


	6. Chapter 6

"Starscream, give me a hand," Ratchet requested. Everyone was on patrol, and the kids had school, but Starscream was on more or less a house arrest. The seeker walked over, obviously annoyed, and waited for instructions.

"Could you just hold this here?" Ratchet asked, pointing to a clip on the engine he was working on. Starscream obediently did so without the slightest quip, perking the doctor's interest. With some hesitation, the medic began," So..." He quickly ended his attempt to start up a conversation with the seeker. They didn't really seem have anything in common, and Ratchet wasn't much of a social butterfly anyways.

"If you're going for optimum output, might I suggest you reroute the power relays like this?" He traced a path that wound in a significantly different pattern than the pre-existing one.

"Hmm, I didn't even consider that."

" _Yet_ , I'm sure," Starscream automatically added.

"No need for flattery here. It won't get you anywhere," The medic shrugged off. Taking a hypowrench to it, carefully set to the suggestion.

"Force of habit."

"I see." Ratchet turned on the engine and read its stats. Systems were running four percent more efficiently. "Well, it's not much of an improvement, but anything's better than nothing."

With a shrug, Starscream said," I've spent a long time in the field of science and engineering. I like to think that I can still offer something every once in awhile."

The autobot's medic thought about the silver mech's statement; maybe they did have something in common after all.

A buzzer alerted Ratchet to a human visitor, which the bot assumed to be be Fowler. His call of," Hey, autobots!" confirmed the doctor's assumption.

"Optimus Prime isn't currently here; he's in-"

"Actually, I was looking for you," Fowler said before laying eyes on Starscream. "What in Sam Hill is that  _con_  doing in our base?"

"I see I'm on the... down low," Starscream said, arching an orbital ridge at the doctor. Besides the fact he was an ex-con (and maybe that he had tortured this particular human) what reason would the autobots have for concealing his side switch? "Well, as I'm sure my reputation precedes me, as do... certain  _prior events_... You shall be glad to learn I have set aside ambition since leaving the decepticons and learning my lesson with MECH."

"For now," Fowler said darkly, grabbing at his side where he still bore a "reminder" that Starscream had left to show he was in control. It had been a while ago, and he'd simply had to ignore having been kidnapped and torturously interrogated to continue on with normal life, but one never truly forgot, and he sure hadn't forgiven.

"He's provided us ample information and, for what's it worth, has done several noteworthy deeds, including saving two of our own in the last while," Ratchet offered in defense of their newest member.

"Two?" Starscream questioned, then nodded and said," Ah, yes, the human." He'd almost forgot the fleshling with shocks of pink in her otherwise dark hair. For _some_  reason, he'd been rather caught up on Arcee.

"My reason for coming over is pretty insignificant to Starscream  _joining the autobots_  and the report I better be receiving by seventeen hundred hours."

"You will have a report," Ratchet assured the distressed man.

As much as it pleased Starscream to see he had such a lasting impression, he tried to cover it with the unease that also plagued him. He didn't know how much say the fleshling held in autobot affairs, but he knew the agent was important enough to have tortured him in the past. The seeker was really sick of his past coming back and ruining the present.

Reminding himself this was a tactical advantage, Fowler sighed and said," I'll just send you the debriefing via computer. I- I have somewhere else to be." He knew it was a lame excuse, but he needed to get out of there before trashing any positive relationship they had with the seeker.

"So, I see I am a secret..." He sent a questioning gaze towards the other, clearly asking why his change of faction was kept in the dark of the autobot's allies.

"After complications regarding Orion Pax's defection to the decepticons, and further troubles with MECH, we couldn't afford any possible negative publicity with America's government. We couldn't tell them of your joining us until we were completely sure you could be trusted." The doctor kept his gaze down as he messed with the engine a bit. It was a hard truth, but he would just tell it as it was. They couldn't trust the ex-con, and had to act on that. What terrible timing on Fowler's part though, they'd been planning to begin a formal report later that day already.

"Oh. I see," Starscream mumbled, trying to keep the hurt out of his sentence. "That makes sense." Really, it did, but it didn't change that all of his illusions were irrevocably smashed. He had just been starting to think that he belonged too. How foolish of him.

* * *

Starscream idly stood and observed the autobots once again, as he found himself doing so more and more often. He hadn't been confined to cuffs for quite a while, which made being in the presence of the earthlings and autobots slightly more tolerable, and sitting alone in his quarters was rather boring. That, and if he was lucky, one of the bots would awkwardly invite him to join them in what they were doing.

It was still painfully obvious that while they were trying to act like he was welcomed, everyone was (perhaps rightfully so) distrustful of his every move and leery of his company. Still, the façade upheld to comfortable levels, and they were noticeably  _less_  uneasy or rancorous around him than when he first joined. In fact, sometimes, it seemed like everyone was able to momentarily forget the vorns of him fighting against them.

"So she was trying to set the mood that dreams would be deferred?" Jack asked as he shut his book and sighed. The human had been talking about  _A Raisin in the Sun_  and its epigraph  _Harlem_  for the past half hour, presumably for a school assignment. Starscream hadn't really been paying attention, just curious as to why Arcee sat through such a boring conversation. Human theatrical performances, a real treat, he was sure.

"It has to be deeper than that," Arcee said offhandedly. From what her human charge had told her, one sentence explanations were never enough for his English teacher. "Why don't you read the poem again?"

Jack did so, and Starscream listened to the works of Langston Hughes once again. With an exclamation, the human started blabbering again, but this time Arcee seemed to think he had something.

Beeping roused Starscream from his eavesdropping and the seeker turned to face the scout that had approached him silently. How did a bright yellow bot excel at espionage?

"What is it, Scout?"

Raf was at some school event, and Bumblebee had been on a patrol with Optimus Prime, Starscream hadn't really noticed when they returned.

Coming off as fully sincere, Bee asked if Starscream was lonely. The seeker didn't really know how to respond.

"W-well, a tad bored. All I've done since joining the autobots is walk around, be looked down upon, walk around, and oh, walk around. All confined to this base," Starscream complained in as sour a tone as he could manage.

Looking down and thinking a bit, Bee gazed back to Starscream and offered to talk to Optimus about Starscream maybe joining a mission.

The scout understood how terrible being on lockdown felt, and the unyielding (insufferable in Starscream's optics) kindness of the yellow bot rendered him incapable of completely hating the ex-con, even if the seeker had been involved in what made him aware of just  _how_  bad having no T-Cog was.

"Don't bother. I may not be able to transform, but I'm not blind," Starscream sighed with a shrug. "I know full well that no one trusts me... Or likes me..." His gaze lingered on Arcee. When the silver cybertronian caught himself, he shook his head and added on acridly," And why should they?"

Bumblebee insisted that wasn't true, and that him being on their team just took a little getting used to. With a furtive glance at his blue teammate, Bee tentatively asked if Starscream liked Arcee.

"Wh-What? N-no...! Of  _course not_. W-why...?"

Bee's eyes whirred in amusement, and he held up his servos to convey Starscream could calm down. He assured the other the he was merely asking, though it was slightly evident.

The seeker didn't bother denying it any further. When the aphonic took the time to talk,  _and_  also happened to be a scout, Starscream figured he might as well take it as it was. "Well, gee, thanks. Just raise my self esteem, why don't you? Now my limited secrets are common knowledge?" Obviously he knew that Arcee was aware, but if Bumblebee knew, then who else did?

The bot shrugged and said he wouldn't exactly call it common knowledge; he just happened to pick up on it. He assured the seeker that he didn't think anyone else knew.

"Then do what you do best, and stay mute about it." The silver cybertronian winced as he realized those choice of words weren't probably the kindest, and he had just been complaining about nobody liking him.

With a broken, shocked expression, the scout stared at him and Starscream fidgeted under his gaze. "Er, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Um, don't tell anyone else... please."

With a small nod, Bee announced he was going to see what Bulkhead and Miko were doing. With a hesitant step, he asked if Starscream would like to join him.

"No thank you," Starscream declined. The strangest feeling of guilt prickled at his spark and wouldn't allow him to go. He watched the youngest autobot seek out his friends and remembered the night he shot the bot's T-Cog, and how he'd mocked him that night as well. With a bitter laugh, the seeker sardonically wondered when he'd be losing his vocalizer.

* * *

"I think I'm going insane," Arcee declared. Turning her head to head to face her human partner. They both laid outside in a hidden gorge, staring up at the night sky. She had insisted they go for a drive before she took him home, and he had an inkling as to why.

"Want to talk about it?"

"That infuriating mech! I should hate him, flat out hate him and that's it. He murdered my partner... but then he talks about his past, and I can't help but feel a little sorry for him."

Jack hummed in acknowledgement. The stars were bright tonight, contrasting with the topic of their conversation, anything but clear, and murky with confusion.

"I feel like if I like him, then it will be an insult to Cliff's memory," She confided.

Jack didn't know Cliffjumper well, no one would talk about him, so he didn't really know what to say to that. What  _was_  a good response? Was there such thing as a good response? "I don't know what to tell you, but my mom would probably say something cheesy like, 'follow your heart'."

"Spark."

With a small laugh, Jack nodded and revised his advice," Follow your spark." Pointing up at an object in the sky that could almost be mistaken for a star, he asked," See that red splotch?"

Arcee searched and nodded. "Mars, isn't it?"

"Yup. That's the God of War. The Greeks had named him Ares, and completely hated him, I think the word my teacher used was  _reviled_ , but when the Romans adopted him, they renamed him Mars and loved him."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning of violence for this chapter. This is a dark chapter, but it's nothing worse than what they put into the show, but on DeviantART (DarthMomo) one of the first comments was "NOOO! POOR (insert character name here in all caps)!"
> 
> So yeah, be warned... XD

"Ratchet, do you read me?" Arcee called frantically.

"Yes, Arcee," The medic replied, back at base. "What is it that you need?"

"Back up and soon," she responded through static. Blaster fire could be heard in the background.

Starscream listened intently and swore he could hear a very familiar laugh. "Is that Airachnid?"

"Yes, she's in pursuit. Could we take this up later?"

"It just always has to be that spider doesn't it?" Starscream asked looking over to Ratchet. The doctor was too busy typing in coordinates and commands to the console to acknowledge his comment.

"I'll start regrouping and send the team to your location," Ratchet assured her.

"Send me in," Starscream said," Until the Autobots can get there, she needs someone." The auotbots were all scattered, it would take time to get them to the battle scene, and Airachnid was well known for her predatory disposition, and even among decepticons, considered severely sadistic and dangerous.

"You're in no position to fight, Starscream," Ratchet declined. A frustrated expression took hold on the autobot though as the console alerted him that it could not comply with his command. "The ground bridge is acting up today..." It would take time between every use to allow another passage; there would be a lot of downtime between bridges, downtime that could mean trouble for Arcee.

Typing in Arcee's coordinates, Ratchet said," Remember you only have two shots, so make them count." The first attempt to open the bridge failed, but the second one worked and he saw the seeker careening into the fight. Surprisingly, he found himself hoping that the mech wouldn't get himself killed. He had a bad feeling about it.

Entering through the green portal, Starscream found himself on the battlefield and regretted it. Sure, saving Arcee was great, but what was he thinking? All he had were his two missiles; he was going to get his aft handed to him!

Seeing Airachnid closing in on Arcee and readying a web, he called out," Airachnid!" This succeeded in drawing her attention from the blue autobot, but also succeeded in her locking her sights on him. "Oh scrap." He aimed both missiles at her, but had to dodge her blaster fire before he could actually fire.

"I have to say, you seem to be decaying right in front of my very optics, becoming even more pathetic everytime I see you. Not only do you let yourself be saved by the autobots, but then you  _helped_  them, and  _then_  you  _joined_  them?" She cackled at this, and managed to land an energon shot.

Starscream growled in pain and annoyance, retorting," At least I didn't lose a limb in my falling out with Megatron." This brought more rapid fire, but that was quickly cut off by Arcee engaging her in a fist fight with her forearm blades.

Hoping her attention was fully diverted, he tried to get closer but behind her so he could get a good shot; he only had two, and it would probably take both to finish the job. His foot found a dry stick that snapped loudly, and he was positive it would catch her attention, but it didn't. His sigh of relief did.

Swiftly turning, Airachnid slung a web at him, fully rendering his arms useless once again and pinning him to the ground. The spider pushed off from Arcee, launching herself at her prey.

Arcee shifted to motorcycle form and sped to Starscream, only beating her foe there by a second. That was all she needed however to do a wheelie into a backflip, feet catching and sending the spider crashing to the ground. "Not today," She muttered at the still recovering con and rushing to Starscream's side.

"Guess you owe me again," She said as she sliced the webbing apart. She gasped in surprise as the mech lunged forward, hugged her tightly, and rolled to the side.

"And now we're even."

Arcee saw two stabbing legs caught in the dirt where they had been moments before. Swinging her legs and letting the momentum take the rest of her, she kipped up to her feet and tried to shoot down their enemy. "Doesn't count, saved your own aft too."

"How cute, a bickering little couple fighting for their lives," Airachnid taunted.

"I don't know what he's fighting for, but I'm fight for Tailgate," Arcee declared as she came in close with a blade. She managed to nick the helm, but otherwise dealt no damage.

Starscream froze for only a cycle before rushing back into the battle.  _I'm fighting for you_ , he thought to himself, but shook it off. He had to be present minded or he would be terminated for sure.

Sprinting to the other side of Airachnid, he tried to assist by throwing in a few slashes to throw off the ex-con's game. Right as he was raising his arm to fire, he pulled the shot because Airachnid held a wrapped up Arcee as a shield. It had been too fast to track, but now Airachnid was simply euphoric as she held up the struggling femme, flashing a sadistic grin to Starscream.

With a quiet curse, Starscream charged. He planned to make her drop Arcee and lead the spider away so his comrade had enough time to free herself. Or maybe the autobots would  _finally_  arrive and help!

The two ex-cons exchanged jab after jab, and block after block, and Starscream knew she was toying with him. He was no Megatron, battle (especially melee) wasn't his strong suit; he was a mech of science, taking any chance he got (which had included quite a few unhonorable murders).

The seeker didn't care if this was all just a game to the spider though; his goal was being achieved, Airachnid and he were quite a distance from his immobile partner.

Green light from behind him reflected off her gold plating, and he smirked at her expression of mild fear. Then the unthinkable happened.

Her footing slipped long enough for his slender claws to snake around her neck and throttle the femme. Within milliseconds his other servo pointed straight at her chest. At this range, he may be injured by the shot, but she was for sure a goner.

"Ha! I've finally got you!" Starscream gloated, tightening his grasp on her throat and holding her down with his foot jabbing into her abdomen. "Say your last words," He commanded with a slasher smile. He held his missile directly at her, ready to launch any second. This had to be one of the most joyous moments of Starscream's entire life, looking down at Airachnid's horrified and helpless face.

He should've pulled the trigger already, he knew, but looking down at her, he just couldn't bring himself to do so. She seemed so defenseless and the fragging autobots were starting to rub off on him.

Suddenly, something went wrong, and he knew it instantly. The seeker didn't know  _what_  went wrong, only that her optics now held a glint of pure sadistic glee. "Take your own advice," She murmured dangerously, only letting him give a questioning glance before literally stabbing him in the back.

A pained and surprised gasp escaped him as a few small points of pain burned through to his front. Looking down he saw two claws sticking out of his chest plate, a third claw just beneath, trying to plunge through still.

The autobots must have realized what was going to happen before he felt the first prick, because he was vaguely aware that someone was finishing screaming his name and it hadn't been that long since he was stabbed.

His claws let go of his enemy as he felt his chest rip in all directions from her vivisecting ways. Airachnid was able to scuttle away after, and he saw her drilling into the ground for a final escape. He cocked his missile at her and attempted to fire, instead just dropping his arm as his whole body came crashing down.

His sleek, silver body was iridescent with the liquid energon freely flowing, and random parts were scattered for at least few meters radius around him.

"Starscream!"

The same bot kept yelling his name and he painfully swiveled his head to see a blue autobot running towards him. "Starscream," She said in a hushed whisper as she kneeled down beside him," Don't you  _dare_  even  _think_  of dieing on me!"

"Didn't plan on it... I've survived worse. With a little luck they can patch me up," He coughed out, adding to the growing pool of energon.

"Your luck is terrible," Arcee cried out, distraught as he continued to fall closer to death.

"Yeah," He agreed softly. With a shudder, he rose a servo as far as he could, which was taken by Arcee and held to her frame. "But I still can't help but feel I'm among the most lucky cybertronians in the universe."

"What do you mean?"

"I never thought I'd have anyone to mourn my passing, but I have you."

"W-well, I'm not mourning your passing anytime soon, alright? Because you're not dying anytime soon, understand?"

"... Sure," He agreed softly as his optics dimmed before shutting down completely.

"Wha- No! Ratchet," She cried, twisting her head to find the medic. "Ratchet, do something!" She finally located him and saw he was already on his way. The ambulance came to a stop beside Starscream and unfolded into his bot form.

"Believe me, I'm on it," He gritted out, scanning the seeker. "I'm going to need you to step out of the way, however." With a displeased sound, he transformed into his ambulance form and directed," Bulkhead, help Arcee to move his body into my patient compartment- make sure to get every piece you find!- and try to jostle him as little as possible. Keep his spinal column straight if possible, it will inflict the least damage to internal systems."

Grabbing each ankle, Arcee made eye contact with Bulkhead to ensure he was fully prepared to lift their patient. "On the count of three. One, two, three!" They hefted Starscream up, and brought him to the cab of their friend, carefully placing him in it. The cab was intended for human use of course, so he didn't fit well and he had to curl up slightly like Ratchet warned against, but it would have to do.

"Raf, this is an emergency. Can you open the ground bridge for me?" He hailed headquarters. "My coordinates are-"

"Got it," He received from the child as a green portal came into view. The doctor didn't waste time for gratitude and sped through the bridge into Autobot headquarters. The lab came into view and he opened his doors, waiting for the other bots to remove his patient.

Once he could transform back to bot form he glanced at his patient and grimaced. This was going to be a challenge.


	8. Chapter 8

Ratchet had been working a solid two hours, the latter with Bumblebee's assistance. He just couldn't get the mech to stabilize. Noticing the scout's servos starting to fumble, the doctor called," Arcee, I could use a hand over here." They couldn't afford time for tired minds, and surgery took its toll, especially for those untrained.  
  
Coming as requested, she looked to the floor and apologised," I'm sorry, but I feel I'm emotionally compromised."  
  
"I'm sorry," the doctor echoed snidely. "But he doesn't have time for emotionally compromised."  
  
Arcee nodded solemnly, and asked," Okay, what is it you need me to do?" She was thankful to receive comprehensible orders. Ratchet knew how to control a medical situation, even in situations like this.  
  
In an ideal setup, he'd have a team of bots, mechs who could tell the difference between a rotary linkage cable and the other black cable that the blue femme swore looked exactly like it. Or, he would at least have a few bots dedicated to the learning of medicine, who had steady servos, and who had no personal connection to the patient whatsoever.  
  
In another two hours he had Bumblebee switch with Arcee again, and another hour later they were done. The patient was stabilized so that they could take a well needed break.  
  
"Will he be alright?" Arcee asked, trying to keep herself detached, but failing. The look Ratchet gave her told her told her maybe she didn't want the answer.  
  
"A lot of vital components were ripped out, and apart, but by the allspark, I did the best I could. He's alive for now."  
  
Bumblebee asked about the spark chamber and earned a sigh from Ratchet.  
  
"That's the part I'm worried about," The doctor confided. "Even a skilled master on sparks cannot necessarily fix a shattered chamber, and I only did slight study back on Cybertron."  
  
"It didn't look shattered," Arcee said, not quite in denial since it was true she hadn't seen a crack, but as a sort of guard against the possibility the doctor had.  
  
"No, it's not shattered, but there are fractures. I... should be able to weld them shut, but working on the spark chamber is a brutal task," He explained. One wrong slip and you send the patient into spark trauma. There were endless ways the procedure could go wrong, but he wisely left it at that.  
  
The older autobot sighed and said," You two should rest up." As he began to leave to room, he added," I might need one of you when I'm set to go."  
  
Both nodded and watched the medic leave, anxious at being asked to assist. Bumblebee's gaze swung from Arcee to Starscream and back. Tentatively, the scout asked if she wanted to talk about it.  
  
"No," She immediately responded, then sighed and added weakly," But thanks for the offer."  
  
~~  
~~  
  
Arcee stood in med bay, keeping her distance from the bot laid out on the medical table. She couldn't go near him, she was a magnet of doom. It was just hours after they had finished their first round of healing, and one thought refused to leave her mind,  _First Tailgate, then Cliffjumper... now Starscream?_  
  
The silver cybertronian was in multiple pieces, his chassis on the central table and the organized mess of misplaced organs and things on the workbench at the side of the room. Ratchet had said many of the parts would need to be fixed before they could even tackle the challenge of fixing up the mech. Several cables were clamped onto him, and his frame seemed completely devoid of life. Only the machines in the room told her otherwise.  
  
"You jerk," she whispered to herself. "Had Airachnid killed you only a little while ago, I would have been  _happy_ , maybe only mad because I wanted to kill you myself." Her angry expression fell as her optics zeroed in on the source of her heated despair.  
  
"But now... I don't want to lose you."  
  
The myriad of machines surrounding him projected hopeful recovery, but Ratchet had admitted the spark casing had been cracked, possibly (and he couldn't stress enough how minute this possibility was in an attempt to assuage her worries) irreparably.  
  
His silver body was even brighter in some areas with the scraped metal having lost its matte finish. Much of his lower abdomen was completely torn open, and his chest plate didn't even look recognizable. At least his face plate had been left unmarred. It was one solace in an otherwise completely terrifying predicament.  
  
A spike in the monotonous ring of one of the machines alerted Arcee and she made ready to bolt, but it was a false alarm. He didn't wake up.  
  
"You better," She mumbled, crossing her arms. "Or... I don't know, but you better wake up."  
  
~~  
~~  
  
Starscream slipped out of stasis in the dark, the room only lit by the monitors and machines keeping him alive. Confusion didn't last long as vivid memories tore through his chest, and he attributed his paralysis to the effects of stasis wearing off. Something caught his peripheral, and he realized it was the slim form of Arcee.  
  
"Starscream?"  
  
He found he couldn't crane his neck very well, and coughed out," I can't see you well." She stepped closer and into his line of sight, but still retained her distance. "Can I help you?" He asked as she stood there silently, awkwardly.  
  
Stood there apologetically.  
  
"I'm sorry. I couldn't stop her in time-"  
  
"I don't see where that is  _your_  fault. I treated talking like a free action and gave her the time to plot an escape," He said nonchalantly, a true show of how serious this was. He was always quick to pin the blame elsewhere. "You don't need to stand. There is plenty of room on this table," He joked, hoping to get under her plating with the remark. Her response astonished him.  
  
In quick steps, she made her way to the table and laid beside him, resting her chin against the crook of his neck and curling a foot in between his. Gingerly, she thumbed his chest plate where his sigil had been. Only centimeters above the scratched metal, gouged metal was roughly patched back together awaiting extensive reworking. "Your shield is gone," She stated softly.  
  
"I was thinking of changing it anyways."  
  
"The injury has left you well-nigh paralyzed from shoulders down. Ratchet said it was repairable, but-"  
  
"I've survived and walked away from worse."  
  
With a thwack to his head she said," Stop that!"  
  
"Wh-what?" He yelped as cringed from the spontaneous hit. Confusion rippled through him. What had he done wrong?  
  
"Stop being so truthful when you say things like that! It makes it too hard to hate you." Her voice had a kind of proud sulk to it, like she was too proud to admit her true feelings, and he was shattering her cover up.  
  
"Hate me?" He teased. He didn't dare ask why; it would ruin the mood since she had a real reason to.  
  
"Yes, hate you. Which I do."  
  
"Well, sounds about right. The bots who have loved me most have always hated me."  
  
With another playful smack, she repeated," I said stop it!"  
  
He laughed lightly before sighing and asking," Arcee, may I ask you a favor?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Just... Could you hold me like this for the rest of the night?"  
  
Shocked silence fell over the blue autobot, but she nodded. Unsure if he could see the simple gesture, she responded," Of course."  
  
Darkness overtook his optics soon, and when he awoke, she was gone, but he could still imagine her presence. He could feel the lingering warmth of her systems. He knew she cared...


	9. Chapter 9

"Starscream?" A young voice called, rousing the immobile cybertronian out of his boring and mind-numbing staredown with the ceiling (neither had won yet, and Starscream was half to the point of vowing to blow up the ceiling once he got movement back so that he could win).  
  
"What is it, fleshling?" He asked, glaring down at the boy with glasses, Raf he was pretty sure the name was. The boy had been thoughtful enough to remain in an area Starscream could see with his limited range of motion in his neck, or as the ex-con suspected, at least just happened to stay where he could see him out of luck.  
  
"I know you don't like humans very much-"  
  
"True."  
  
"But I was wondering if you wanted to play a videogame with me. To relieve some boredom," He offered, holding up a small case that held what Starscream assumed to be the videogame.  
  
He didn't know much about Earthling's videogames, but he did know that most required controllers or at least a moving body. Starscream had neither. "How would you have me play, little boy?"  
  
"Well, I had Bee help me create an interface so you could play. We based it off the one he uses when we play in his car."  
  
"The scout? Well, I suppose I could give it a try," He muttered," Any harm you wreak on my internal systems will probably be minimal to what's already been done."  
  
With some confusion, since Starscream couldn't transform at all and therefore couldn't open any ports, and with Bumblebee's assistance, they finally got the game ready to go with a tv mounted  in front of Starscream and Raf sitting on the ledge of the upstairs. It was the same game he played all the time with Bee, Miko, and Jack... and Starscream was _horrible_  at it.  
  
"Th-these stupid cars are rigged, the whole game is," He growled," I can't drive land based vehicles anyways, they make no sense." He had plenty of complaints, a few valid, but most just empty excuses as to why he was losing to a  _human_. It didn't take them long to quit the game and Raf apologise and say that he'd take a better look at the interface. "Don't bother. I can't drive a car anyways. Anything with wheels is impossible," He sulked, pretending to go into recharge mode so he wouldn't have to talk further to the human after his embarrassment of losing to him.  
  
The next day when Raf got back from school he approached the grumpy robot again, he held up his latest purchase, _Velocity 4_. It was the latest game in the racing genre, and consisted of flight based challenges. It had three modes, and Raf was sure that the other would like it, or at least he hoped he would. It had taken all of the allowance he'd saved up for a new motherboard for his computer he was building at home.  
  
"Screamer, I bought a new game, and I think you'll like it! It's racing too, but-"  
  
"Do not call me Screamer. My name is Starscream." He didn't want a  _human_  calling him by a nickname. Nicknames were demeaning when used by a lesser being.  
  
"Oh, uh, sorry," He quickly apologized. When Starscream didn't have anymore to interject, he continued," It has racing too, but all air-vehicles. I spent all last night recalibrating the interface so it would work with this game."  
  
Trying to keep the interest out of his voice, he asked," Does it have F-16's?" The car racing games had so many options for vehicles, perhaps this game would also have many options.  
  
"No, but there are f-15's in one level, and then you can unlock it for all of them."  
  
Starscream decided," That will do."  
  
They played the game for three hours straight. Starscream won every single time. He also wasn't very shy in announcing it every time and proudly boasting throughout their gameplay, but Raf just smiled and continued to play. He was slowly getting a little closer to winning and that was fun enough for him, he was just glad that the ex-con was having fun.  
  
"I have homework to do," He said once they hit four hours," And I have to get back for dinner, but we can play again tomorrow, 'kay?"  
  
"I suppose if you want to, I can suffer through a few more games," Starscream dismissed, not wanting to seem like he actually  _enjoyed_  an Earthling game. Even through his words of repudiation, Raf could easily pick up the notes of excitement.  
  
"It would mean a lot to me," He said with a warm smile, knowing that Starscream wouldn't play if he didn't make it seem like the bot was humoring him. "C'mon Bee, let's see how fast we can make it to city limits today!" Now it was time to make it up to his guardian for spending the whole day with Starscream instead of him.  
  
Starscream watched the autobot taking off, quickly ascending in speed and Starscream idly wondered if he'd ever have the luxury again. Not wheels of course, but flight. He wanted flight so much. The game was entertaining, as much as a visual-only simulation could be, but he craved more. The ex-con wanted to feel the drag on his wings and hear the whistling air.  
  
~~  
~~  
  
"Nnngh, watch it with that wrench!"  
  
Ratchet sent his patient a glare and said," If you prefer, I could turn off your communications,  _or_  you could stop complaining-" He paused his speech to tighten a particularly tough bolt," -every time I so much as-" another pause "-screw in a pin. I did extend you the offer to be in stasis for this. It's not exactly general repairs."  
  
"I'm not really fond of it," Starscream mumbled. He'd been stasis locked so many times, sometimes through his own over exertion, but often at another's whim. The seeker hated the feeling of coming out of stasis. He'd rather come out of it as few times as possible.  
  
"Well, your choice," The doctor shrugged, rewiring a few nerves and receiving a groan of pain.  
  
"Ugh, I don't know whether to be thankful or annoyed that you managed to save my life," Starscream grumbled. "This is excruciating."  
  
"Good. I was worried that your tactile sensitivity would be shot."  
  
"I would be so lucky."  
  
Their bickering was a well needed anchor for the mech. His whole world was crumbling like his insides had. He hadn't seen Arcee since the night he first awoke, and that was over a day ago. Had she changed her opinion of him? Had her hate for him won after all?  
  
The seekers thoughts were thankfully broken by a saw being activated. "Wh-what do you need that for?"  
  
Ratchet lifted in his free hand an organ that he had just fixed up an hour ago. "To make room so I can get this back where it belongs."  
  
"What do you mean 'make room'? If it came out, shouldn't it fit back in just fine?"  
  
"I really don't feel like patching up your fuel lines again, so I have to make a new entry."  
  
With a weary sigh, Starscream sighed and shuttered his optics. If he was completely honest, surgery made him a little squeamish. Who was he trying to impress? Why bother suffering through this? "Ehh, about that stasis..." He had been afraid of entering stasis and missing Arcee if she came by to visit him, but evidently she had better things to do than drop by his bedside.  
  
Ratchet rolled his optics and put aside the organ, folding up his tool. Getting to his feet, he grabbed a cord and brought it over to Starscream, preparing the other for entering stasis. "I knew it was only a matter of time." The saw hadn't really been necessary; only for show to get the other to change his mind so Ratchet could start with the more rigorous repairs. They couldn't be stopped in the middle, and he knew the other would definitely change his mind during them, but the seeker had been insistent that he would much rather not enter stasis.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realized I never posted all I had of this story on archive, so I'll just dump like 11 chapters over the next couple of days.
> 
> Chapter Note: Memorial Day is observed annually on the last Monday of May, and is a federal holiday in America to honoring and remembering the men and women who died while serving the United States Armed Forces. If you wish to read more about it you can find information on this lovely wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day

As his optics unshuttered, the first thing they were drawn to was the blue femme standing off to the side of the room. “You... You’re...”

She had been leaning against the wall, arms and legs crossed looking utterly bored, but at the sound of his voice she snapped to attention. Relaxing after the slight surprise, she finished his stumbling statement,” I’m here?” Folding her arms again and lazily inspecting her servo in a show of disinterest, she explained,” Yeah, Optimus said someone ought to be around when you woke up.” That may have been a slight bending of the truth.

“Oh, I see...”

Flickering her gaze up and back down, she grimaced. Optimus Prime hadn’t said anything like that; it was a complete lie, she had come on her own will. “I- I volunteered.”

Starscream didn’t quite have the energy to evade his feelings like she did, and simply said,” I’m glad.”

As if contemplating whether or not to ask, she softly asked,” So... how are you?”

With a grumble, he declared,” Sometimes I believe that the creator made me immortal just to prolong my suffering.” He’d lived through several things no mech should have survived. 

“Starscream, I-”

Whatever she had been about to say was cut off by the excited entry of Miko, closely followed by Bulkhead. Jack was much more leisurely following, and he was soon followed by the rest of the autobots and Raf and Agent Fowler.

“What is this?” Starscream asked as he saw the autobots entering, all wearing a mess of tissue paper tied together (in the attempt to resemble a red earthling flower) hanging off each of them. Each bunch of red was about the size of the human girl’s head, and she held three more, loosely hanging on her arms with long loops of wire.

“Happy Memorial Day!” She cried, running up to Arcee and holding out one her handcrafted flowers. When she’d asked her host family about Memorial Day, she’d learned about the poppies the disabled vets made to hand out at parades and things, and decided that her Transformer friends needed Transformer-sized poppies, and set to making them herself.

The femme bent down and grabbed it with confusion, looking to Jack for help. He shrugged and gestured for her to wear it. She inspected the wire loop and hooked it on the left spike of her breast plate.

“Miko, it’s a day to be observed. We’re remembering those who-” Raf cut himself off and sheepishly adjusted his glasses, looking anywhere but at Arcee. He’d been about to say _those who served America and died_ , thinking of his grandmother. While he couldn’t personally remember his great-grandfather, his grandmother always got very sad around memorial day, remembering her father who was KIA.

“Those who paid the ultimate price, but also celebrating their memory, the love they had for their country, and us who are still kicking,” Agent Fowler filled in, resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. The special agent also had a (much smaller) poppy like the rest of the humans, his pinned to his lapel. 

“So Memorial Day is a day in which respect and gratitude is given to the veterans and servicemen and women of America?” Optimus Prime asked, having gotten the briefest explanation earlier as Miko was hurriedly passing out her poppies- literally,“ _Hey Optimus Prime, wear this flower to celebrate Memorial Day, it’s for being happy that America’s free and stuff!_ ”.

“And I figured that just ‘cause you guys aren’t, like, American army people, well part of its military at all, you guys still fought this whole war against the cons all these years, and fought for what you believed in!”

“But... what are the flowers for?” Arcee asked, checking hers out.

“They’re poppies! Poppies are the... well they’re flowers for memorial day,” Miko said, just realizing that she’d never bothered to figure out why they were supposed to wear poppies on Memorial Day.

“They’re a flower of remembrance, greatly influenced by the poem from World War One, _In Flanders Fields_ ,” Jack supplemented.

Starscream arched one orbital ridge as he took this in. So the little red flowers everyone else wore was in memory of America’s military, and now in extension the autobots as well? There was something actually charming about that, not that Starscream would ever admit that the fleshlings had a good idea, of course.

“Bulk, wanna’ give me a lift?” She asked. The human jumped onto his hand and was quickly brought up to Starscream’s shoulder level. She lept to his large shoulder and rested herself on the crook of his neck as she leaned and hung a flower on the prong of his chest plating. It hung like a rose on a human male’s tuxedo, but it was a poppy and had just been given so much meaning...

“Why would you give _me_ a flower?” He’d spent millennia fighting against the autobots.

Kneeling and sitting on her feet, she planted a kiss on his cheek and said,” You’re a soldier, too.”

He flinched at this and came up with words of refusal. _He went from being a Second in Command to a simple soldier?_ But he realized she meant nothing hurtful in her choice of words; in fact, he swore he could hear more respect in that single sentence than he had ever received from his decepticon subordinates.

Air intakes hissing in embarrassment, he watched the pink haired fleshin- _human_ , he watched the human hop back down onto Bulkhead’s hand.

“C’mon, everybody, let’s go give Wheeljack his poppy!” Her buoyant voice carried as she rode Bulk’s shoulder out of the room. Her entourage followed behind them and left Starscream and Arcee alone once again.

“Th-that human did that just because she knew it would bother me!” Starscream accused, completely flustered.

“And it worked.”

“Yes, well,” He tried to come up with something in defense, but failed to come up with anything but, _so?_ and stayed silent.

Arcee approached the seeker and tentatively reached towards him. “Does it hurt?” It was a stupid question, she knew he was suffering, but for once she wanted to hear him lie. He did all the time; and she felt so guilty for his pain. If she hadn’t got caught in that con’s webs, he wouldn’t have had to engage Airachnid in a one on one fight! She just wanted to hear that he felt okay, to ease her mind, if only for a cycle.

“Excruciatingly.” He saw her flinch away, and added softly,” But not as much as some things.” Shuttering his optics so he didn’t immediately need to see her reaction, he asked,” As I cannot accomplish it myself, would you take my poppy to Cliffjumper’s grave?” He expected outrage, or her simply to leave. Instead, he felt her lips press up against his and the gentle pressure of her servos holding his air intakes.

He was so surprised, he didn’t have the sense to return the kiss before she pulled away. His optics opened to see her face plate just a foot away from his own.

“I- I d-don’t understand...” Her thumb brushed over his lips and he fell silent, still staring at her in confusion.

“You can keep the keep the poppy,” She said as she pulled away,” I visited him yesterday.”

That explained her absence. 

Once again inspecting her poppy, the blue femme said,” As I understand it, these flowers are for remembering fallen friends. So keep it, keep it and remember my friend forever.” Coolant was running down her face, slowly and dignified. She didn’t bother to wipe her tears away, they would need no explanation if anyone saw.

Stumbling over her words, she excused herself with,” Jack doesn’t have school today, so I think I’ll spend some time with him.” With nothing more left to say, she solemnly left.

Starscream wished he could brush away her tears, but he couldn’t even twitch his digits on his servo, much less chase her down to give some heartfelt confession of love or something.

~~  
~~

Hours later, when most humans would consider a proper bedtime, Starscream laid as immobile as ever, staring at the ceiling. At least now when he had his all too familiar staredown with the blank, grey ceiling, there was a pop of color. A bright red pop of color that gave him something to think about it.

_”You can keep the poppy...” with the warmth of her smooth faceplate slowly fading from his own..._

“I heard from Bee that you spent the whole day playing video games again. Better be careful, I heard from Jack’s mother that they rust your brain. Primus knows you need to keep the little you have.”

“Ha, ha. Very funny,” the seeker muttered sarcastically, unable to keep some of the joy out of his voice at the sight of Arcee.

“Your poppy...” She said as she noticed the flower’s absence from his chest. She couldn’t even explain all the emotions suddenly rushing through her processors. _Was that just a big show earlier? Did you truly care that little of Cliffjumper?_

“Ratchet made me remove it for some more repairs, so I implored him to hang it on the ceiling where I could see it.”

Raising her gaze, she found, sure enough, the handcrafted poppy hung from the ceiling.

“He grumbled about it, but eventually obliged my simple request.”

“Is that so?” She asked, walking over to him, suddenly feeling guilty for her immediate leap of logic that he had carelessly discarded it. Once she thought about it, that internal accusation didn’t even make sense. Feeling as if she owed him, despite him not knowing she had jumped to such negative conclusions, she laid beside him like she had the other night.

While surprised, Starscream tried to act like this was a common occurrence, he wasn’t going to mess up like he had earlier in the day by freezing up in shock. “I started researching human convention while I have nothing better to do, which with the exception of only four hours yesterday and three today of ‘playing video games’ _-I-Prefer-To-Refer-To-It-As-Flight-Simulation-_ has been nearly every waking hour. They have many contradictory traditions, and many regarding flowers and other plants.”

Arcee arched an orbital ridge, waiting to see where this was going. The silver seeker was a schemer, and he was setting something up.

“One such tradition is that of the mistletoe. It dictates that the two under the mistletoe must kiss; and mistletoe can have red in it. As this is a fake flower, it could be a mistletoe for all we know...”

“I’ll remind you of that while Ratchet’s doing another repair on you.”

Clenching his dental plates at the thought, he quickly changed his tune. “Well, actually, this is very obviously a flower, whereas the mistletoe is a kind of shrub. They’re really not that similar at all.”

“Scrap, and I was getting ready to kiss you and everything,” She teased.

“W-wait, what?” His mind was reeling too fast to catch the heavy dose of sarcasm in her voice.

She laughed, and the soft sound brought his world into slow motion as his processors tried to bring in as much information as possible so the laugh would seem to last longer. Starscream couldn’t remember a single other time except in a brutal taunt towards himself. It was innocent and uplifting, and Starscream would have gladly made a fool of himself that instant if he knew he would be rewarded with hearing it again.

“You’re fun to mess with,” She informed him, her voice still a little lighter than usual, though the distinctive dark tone of her voice was still evident.

“So I’ve figured out.” It seemed everyone, friend and foe enjoyed toying with him; though this was the rare time he found himself not minding. With her arm wrapped around him and her helm nestled against the edge of his chest, careful not to bump anything loose, the pain of his injuries was subdued, and the mind numbing boredom he’d endured when it seemed no one had the time for him was vanquished. 

His repairs everyday had drained him, and he felt himself growing less and less conscious. Why did he have to be slipping into recharge during such a perfect moment? Gently letting his head loll to the side, he asked,” Will you still be here when I awake?”

“Not if I can help it,” She admitted. Arcee wasn’t at all ready for ‘them’ to move forward any faster today. Boundaries of multiple kinds had been shattered today. She didn’t want to ruin it. 

“Well, that’s one thing that can be said for autobots, they’re painfully honest. At least I won’t be disappointed-” A servo was gently placed over his mouth. 

Supporting herself on her elbow, she lifted the upper part of her body and leaned over to gaze straight into his optics. Removing her servo and raising to her own mouth to signal silence, she pecked him on the lips. “The mistletoe,” She excused herself with, then got up off the table. “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

“Good night,” he called after her as she left the room.

“Sweet dreams,” She replied.

“I wish,” He mumbled too quietly for her to hear. He was in for a pleasant surprise however. His dreams were filled with Arcee and him hanging out, perched on the edge of a canyon and overlooking a twilight gorge, with nothing standing in their way of a pleasant evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Original Author Notes 6/10/12*  
> I know that it is well passed the day we celebrated Memorial Day this year (but it wasn't ever intended to line up, in my original framework, this chapter would have been written sometime in August O.o) but I felt it tied in with the characters very well, and holidays do exist and get observed...
> 
> Also, the conversation between Miko, Raf, and Fowler is loosely based on a conversation I was present to hear between my cousin, aunt and grandfather. I was young at the time (around five) but I still remember that conversation whenever I think about Memorial Day. 
> 
> It's a bittersweet day for sure. We're thankful for our freedom and liberties, but also solemnly remember those who paid the ultimate price to secure them for us. Sometimes, I think that too many citizens take it for granted ;.;  
> ***  
> Sorry for the huge explanation (that is almost as long as the chapter) but I am very emotional about this kind of stuff. Both of my grandfathers served in the army, and I have many friends who are going into the military, and many veteran friends who are proud of the service they committed themselves to for our country. I attend and sing in the local Memorial Day Service every year, and am moved by the emotional speeches every year, which is why this will probably end up being one of my favorite chapters in the long run as far as emotional connection goes.


	11. Chapter 11

“And that’s the last of today’s repair,” Ratchet announced as he backed away and set down his soldering gun. “If my calculations are right, you should have a limited range of movement in you left limbs.”

Starscream anxiously watched his left servo as he commanded it to move. At first, all that he accomplished was straining his optics as he stared it down, but slowly, the sensation of bending a single digit registered in his processors, swiftly followed by the others. Excitement filled Starscream as he managed to make a loose fist.

Ratchet gave a sigh of relief. It had been a long time since he had to do such a dramatic repair, and he hoped he never had to again. “Now don’t strain yourself. When I said limited, I meant it. It’ll be quite some time before you’re walking,” He warned, not liking how eager to test his limits his patient looked.

“I could care less about walking,” The seeker said, managing half of a shrug. “What I yearn for is flight.”

“We both know that’s something I cannot give you.”

“But a vehicon could.” Starscream grimaced as he realized he said that aloud. That was decepticon thinking. He was supposed to be changing as a mech to more autobot lines of thinking. Fear pierced the silver cybertronian as he worried what the doctor’s response would be. What if he told Prime that he was unsure of Starscream’s ability to change?

“Wh-what I mean to say, is the Nemesis is stocked with replacement T-cogs,” Starscream hurriedly added. It was true. With the decepticon’s lack of moral inhibitions, many T-cogs and other biological organs had been scavenged and stored in stasis. “So, if we did take a vehicon’s T-cog, assuming he was left alive anyways, he would have the operation completed and be good as new within days.” That part wasn’t so true though. The decepticons would never waste a valuable organ on a vehicon.

Giving the seeker a knowing glance, he said,” I’m sure you have the poor vehicon’s best interests in mind.”

With a sheepish laugh, Starscream said,” Why of course.”

Now was probably a bad time to ask, well strike that, it was a terrible time, but Starscream wanted to know. “Once my chest plate is fixed, I wish to take the autobot shield.” Receiving no response, he tagged on,” May I?”

“We’ve taken you into our lives, whether for better or for worse. Of course we’ll let you wear our shield.”

~~  
~~

“-and he says the nemesis has spare T-cogs,” Ratchet finished informing Optimus Prime.

“Too bad we didn’t know that before,” Arcee said, glancing to Bumblebee.

The scout met her gaze and uneasily shrugged. He pointed out that they didn’t have a way of tracking the Nemesis anyways. Bumblebee didn’t want to think about it, and how sadistically Starscream had shot his T-cog.

“But now we do,” Bulkhead stated.

“But do we get him a T-cog?” Ratchet questioned.

“The decepticon’s air superiority has continuously hindered our attempts on the field,” Optimus Prime said after careful thought. “However...”

Arcee tried to process this all. She knew she needed to keep her feelings out of it. “This is Starscream. Throughout time he’s proved that once he gets an ounce of power, he strives for more. Do we really want to open that pandora’s box? Should we risk giving him the ability to transform?” She didn’t want to keep him from transformation, that was a basic right of all cybertronians, but the threat of Starscream switching alliances in the pursuit of more power wouldn’t leave Arcee’s processors.

“But like Optimus said, their air superiority hinders us. With Starscream on our side and flight capable, we might be able to close that gap,” Ratchet pondered aloud.

“Well, we could get the thing and hold off on giving it to him,” Bulkhead suggested.

Bumblebee agreed, volunteering himself for the mission.

“I-I’ll go too. Bee and I have already sneaked through the Nemesis before,” Arcee offered.

“Since we’re not sure if we’ll give him the T-cog, we should present our reason for requesting his aid in finding the Nemesis as an energon seeking mission. We _are_ dangerously low anyways,” Ratchet suggested.

“Sounds good to me, but what if there aren’t actually extra T-cogs on the Nemesis? Didn’t he add that the cons had extras after suggesting organ theft? What if he’s trying to make himself look good?”

“I considered that,” Optimus Prime admitted,” but at some point we must place faith in his words, or we will never be able to say we trust our teammate.”

“That, and it is consistent with the decepticon’s abundant resources that we lack,” Arcee added.

“Then it is decided. Let’s commence the plan tomorrow,” Ratchet said, gazing to Optimus for their leader’s approval.

“Affirmative. Ratchet, please have Starscream locate the Nemesis under the guise of finding energon,” Optimus agreed, finishing the meeting.

~~  
~~

“Starscream, after our latest medical emergency, we are severely low on energon. Low enough for drastic measures to be taken. Would you be able to locate the Nemesis?”

Starscream gave the doctor an odd stare. “You, the autobots, plan to steal energon? That doesn’t violate your morals?”

Ratchet sighed and said,” It does, but we don’t have much choice. We don’t have the resources to mine it efficiently, assuming we could even find a deposit, and we don’t want to risk the decepticons coming and fighting us for the amount we _can_ mine.”

“So you plan to board the warship where all the decepticons are able to respond and attack you.”

“Precisely. We have bots trained in espionage, and it would be much easier to hide during _that_ task than while mining.”

“To think I’d be assisting in the recovery of energon but by such different means,” Starscream mused. Seeing Ratchet’s questioning gaze, he expounded,” I was Air Commander of the Energon Seekers before Megatron personally requested my services.”

“Unfortunately, we don’t have the resources to start up operation in a new Energon Seekers unit,” Ratchet said.

“Yes, well, it’s in the past anyways,” Starscream quickly dismissed. “To locate the Nemesis, I’ll need assistance. I can’t move my left servo well enough to control a console.”

“Of course, though my apologies if my ancient decepticon isn’t up to speed. It might be a long search.” He knew the reason that despite having had the seeker’s assistance in the past why they still couldn’t locate the ship themselves. The algorithms and codes were all written in an ancient decepticon dialect. Not only were words and numbers different, but the actual value of numbers were different, making simple tasks extremely difficult.

Starscream smirked and replied,” Don’t worry, you won’t be slowing us down all that considerably. It will be a _long_ process no matter what.”

~~  
~~

It was amazing what motivation could do. What had taken him over two months before, he was now close to accomplishing in three weeks. Of course, having a helping hand and better resources was a factor, but what really pulled such scientific genius was unparalleled desire to impress Arcee and not let the Autobots down so she would be happy. 

While they were hanging out, she would sometimes ask about how his tracking was going, and he would eagerly update her (to which she’d state she was sorry she’d asked after being blown away by technical jargon). 

It was curious. While she always seemed happy that he was progressing so quickly with finding the decepticon warship, sometimes he got the sense she was apprehensive about them actually finding it. It didn’t seem very in character for her to be frightened of being sent on a dangerous mission.

He dismissed it though as his own anxiousness showing itself in his mind. He knew exactly what the consequences were of being found on the Nemesis, both from his experience as Second in Command, and as a mech trying to sneak on and off the ship, and he knew that Arcee was the most logical bot to put on a reconnaissance and recovery mission. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she could do it, but if she should find herself in over her head, then he’d be completely helpless to do anything about it, and that was a constricting feeling.

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” He asked as he realized she was speaking again. 

“If you got your T-Cog back, what’s the first thing you’d do?”

“Oh, no question about it, I would take flight. Let the wind whistle in my wake and and feel the unconfined freedom as I break sound barrier...”

“When you say that, you make flying sound _almost_ pleasurable,” Arcee said before listing,” Except for the whole wheels not touching the ground as you’re miles off the ground, having your tail end on fire, and-”

“Oh and driving is any better,” He challenged with a grin. “Driving on the abrasive ground, always caught up in dust, and barely able to break 100 miles per hour-”

“Warm feel of the tires rolling, feeling the path you’re taking through your treads, and _not_ caught up in some dome of displaced air...”

Two could play at that game, and he began to recount how wonderful flying was. Both of the bots tried to drown the other out with how superior their mode of transportation was, until the femme and mech huffed “Seekers...” and “Grounders...” respectively. A small smile played upon both of their lips.


	12. Chapter 12

“Bumblebee, you ready?” Arcee asked, walking to Ratchet and Starscream who were finishing the coordinates. Her partner eagerly gave the affirmative; the scout was positive their mission would succeed. Glancing to Starscream, she said,” Those coordinates better be right. I don’t like the idea of bridging to a blind area in the sky.”

“I’m sure I’d be even more displeased than you if anything happened, but don’t worry, despite its difficulty in tracking, I’m sure I found the ship. I didn’t mess up.”

“Well Primus knows you’re good at it, so I’m not getting my hopes up,” She replied with a smirk.

Starscream was about to make a comment to the effect of ‘Ha ha, very funny’ but was interrupted by Ratchet. “Okay, now that you’ve got the romantic scrap out of the way, feel ready to actually go through with the mission? I’ve got the coordinates set.”

Arcee stiffened at the remark. Awkwardly placing a servo over the seekers for a brief moment, that was probably the closest to a public hug as she’d get in a very long time, she quickly transformed and rolled over to the ground bridge where Bumblebee already waited for deployment.

Arcee and Bumblebee silently bridged onto the warship. The femme accessed a map that Starscream had made for them. Since it had been drawn from memory, there was potentially up to three percent error in the image now displaying in her optic. That shouldn’t matter too much though. 

She pointed in the direction they needed to go, and they were off in search of a T-Cog. The two bots were very good at stealth, and except for two near sightings, had no problem making their way through the Nemesis off the radar. When they were approaching the medbay, their happy little easy trip became a whole lot harder.

“Scrap,” Arcee moaned, then froze hoping she wasn’t heard. Not only was Knock Out in the room and performing a check-up. _Soundwave_ was his patient, and according to their map that Starscream had procured, the small medical office was their only way to the storage room that held what they were looking for.

They looked to each other, and Bumblebee flashed his eyes in optical code to ask, _Now what should we do?_

Responding in the same manner, she answered, _I guess waiting is our only option_. Though they couldn’t spare much time for waiting. They only had a little under half an hour before the ship lead them to the periphery of no return. Ratchet and Starscream didn’t have the location of the Nemesis, only where it would be when they sent the bridge. While their comms should work, the cloak on the decepticon warship was impossible to break. 

Waiting out of sight for Soundwave’s examination to finish burned into almost twenty minutes, but finally the silent surveillance officer was stalking down the hallway, and Knock Out was working on his console. Catching Bumblebee’s optics, Arcee quickly conveyed, _Now or Never_.

He nodded and they prepared themselves for the job at hand. Arcee lunged herself at Knock Out and grabbed one of the loose tools on his desk. Holding it to his chest as she stood behind him, she gritted out,” I’ll do a little surgery of my own if you let anyone know of our presence, pretty bot.”

Knock Out raised his servos in surrender, turning his head slightly to see Bumblebee entering his storage room. “And to what do I owe this pleasant surprise, mein lieber?” 

Pressing the sharp tool against his freshly waxed chest plate, she goaded,” Keep talking.”

“I’ll do more than that,” Knock Out scoffed, swiftly backhanding the femme that imprisoned him with his own surgical tool. The sharp tool gouged his beautiful chest, catching and plunging into his left headlight, as Arcee was sent sprawling to the floor. “You don’t want to know the punishment for not alerting the guards,” He said with an edge on his voice as he angrily ripped the instrument out of his chest and apoplectically tossed it to the ground.

Pressing a button on his medical console, he calmly said,” We have two autobots on board and it seems they seek a marauding mission.” He agilely blocked an incoming kick and reached for his electro staff. No fancy twirls in such a confined space, but the weapon would still be effective.

Arcee took evasive action as his staff ignited in brilliant light. That vile staff was capable of incapacitating _Optimus Prime_ , she’d rather not come into contact with it. A jab here, and one there, she lithely avoided the sparking tip of the scepter, but it only lasted so long. A pained grunt was all that left the femme when the blasted weapon lodged itself in her side.

Shrinking to the floor of the Nemesis, she glared up at Knock Out, her body convulsing with the electrical current overloading her systems. In frustration, she sputtered,“ Y-you fff-f-fraggin...” 

“Well, your feisty spirit always _has_ one of your rather redeeming quali-” Knock Out was interrupted by a bright energon blast from Bumblebee that hit him directly in the faceplate. Recoiling and dropping his weapon, he covered his face and swore in pain and anger that someone would dare mess with such beauty.

The scout stood at the entrance of the storage room, a T-Cog in one servo and his other transformed to a gun and pointing directly at Knock Out. He urgently announced that they had been aboard over half an hour.

“I know, but right now we have to worry about the looming vehicons. Doctor Jerkaft was able to alert the decepticons of our presence,” She replied as she scooped up the dropped electro staff and quickly rammed it in between Knock Out’s shoulder tires. Giving him a little extra help with a complementary kick, he dropped to the floor face down and was left spasming as the autobots made a break for it.

“Ratchet, do you read?” Arcee asked, hoping by the Allspark that their comms worked under the decepticon cloak. A fuzzy transmission came back, but Arcee couldn’t make out its contents. Slaggit, their comms had worked the last time they were aboard the Nemesis! “Ratchet, this is Arcee and Bumblebee reporting in-” She dropped trying to contact base as they came under fire.

A vehicon came close to shooting Arcee in the already damaged side where she was sporting singed metal revealing injured circuitry that compromised her movement already. Bumblebee earnestly grabbed her attention as he tossed her the T-Cog so he had open servos to defend himself against an oncoming foe.

Digits curling around the valuable organ, Arcee gritted her dental plates. They needed a safe way off this ship, and it didn’t look like they were getting a ground bridge anytime soon. They were doomed... Unless... 

“Bee, the ship is cloaked, but outside isn’t. Put this in your trunk and let’s skydive.” They didn’t have an alternative option; the whole ship was on high alert. Her partner gave a simple nod as he held up his servos to receive the precious cargo. Seconds after the T-Cog reached his servos, he was transformed with it secured in his trunk, and seconds after that, the two were peeling through the Nemesis hallways.

Bumblebee brought to Arcee’s attention that just two hundred meters away an airlock was available for their departure, and according to their map, there was not a single passage way before the door from which they could get cut off.

Three percent error could sure be a nightmare.

Five vehicons entered stage left and halted their forward progress. “Scrap,” Arcee whispered harshly. “You just keep the special delivery safe, I’ll take care of these mechs,” she shouted, springing into bot mode and curling her feet against one’s helm and twisting as she tackled another and plunged her forearm blade through his spark chamber. She took a grave kick to her injured side, but it didn’t phase her as she shot another down. Pouncing on another vehicon, she swiftly ripped his chest plating open and shot dead center. Using the last vehicon as a convenient obstacle, she lunged for the airlock while pushing off from him. 

The blue femme reached the airlock only moments before Bumblebee, but was able to open the portal to freedom for him. Following the yellow muscle car, a feeling of unrelenting fear passed through her as she began a free fall for earth. “Please, Ratchet, do you copy?!”

“ _Arcee!_ ”

“We can talk later, Bumblebee and I are free falling from the Nemesis and gaining speed at an alarming rate,” She said after trying to calm herself. This was just a huge reminder of how much she hated flying. “Opening a bridge, preferably _beneath_ us, would be wonderful.”

“ _Attempting to lock onto your coordinates as we speak_ ,” The doctor assured her.

A flash of green was all she was able to see, because as she entered her familiar home, she blacked out upon contact with the very solid ground.

~~  
~~

The first thing Arcee noticed as her optics unshuttered was... “Starscream? You’re walking!” Did her optics deceive her? In front of her was the silver mech she’d come to know very well, back on his feet.

“Barely,” Was all he replied with.

Now that he mentioned it, he _was_ leaning pretty heavily on the wall beside him, but still, that he was able to walk was amazing. He’d been barely able to make a fist just a short while ago; though, her chronometer told her that she’d been out for a day, and one day could make a lot of difference for cybertronians.

“How’s Bumblebee?”

Searching for words, he finally said,” Ehh, he could be doing better, but Ratchet’s not all that worried. He should be fine by tomorrow.” The poor scout had came through the bridge completely inverted, landing on the roof of his alt mode and smashing himself up quite a bit. It was mostly cosmetic though, with a small exception of some stress being put on his something or other (Starscream found it really hard to care about the names of car parts).

After hearing her friend was more or less alright, what she _really_ wanted to ask about was if the cargo her friend had been carrying survived the rough landing. For obvious reasons, she couldn’t really ask Starscream about it however, and settled on asking,” How long have you been able to walk?” It was a startling development, while pleasant, it was so sudden.

“About five hours. Ratchet said he worked double time lately because he got fed up with my moaning and complaining,” Starscream said,” But I honestly wasn’t _that_ bad, was I?”

“You could’ve been worse,” She answered with a coy smile.

“I thought so.”

Getting off the berth, she asked,” Can we go see Bumblebee?” She complained quietly to herself about how sore her joints were. Apparently free falling and then landing on really hard objects put a lot of stress on the chassis...

“Ah, yes,” He said, but didn’t immediately follow Arcee. Seeing her questioning gaze as she halted and waited for him, he averted his gaze and mumbled,” If you could just help me a little...”

The silver mech was obviously embarrassed, and Arcee noticed as he tried to move slightly, in quite a bit of pain too. He probably overdid walking once he finally got the chance. She knew she would if she’d been confined to a berth for as mind-numbingly long as he had.

The blue femme didn’t say a word as she walked back beside him and let him lean on to her, a heavy servo gripping into her her shoulder. Placing a supportive servo around his waist, they made their way to visit a fellow injured friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original author notes 6/26/12***  
> I loved writing the scene with Knock Out and as far as I'm concerned, added a little something for those K-Cee shippers out there >.> (What do you mean their fight wasn't romantic :O ) ... ... ... Yeah, my definition of romantic is a little skewed... XD  
> And, d'aww, the ending! My spark burns with how cute it is <3  
> (I really have to stop with all the fluffy endings, it will give you guys the wrong idea... I write fluff so rarely! These two just beg me to add some!)  
> Can I hear a w00t for my poor tortured Screamers finally being able to walk?


	13. Chapter 13

“Starscream! What are you doing?!”

Starscream tentatively looked back, the tips of his feet hanging over air. He stood at the very top of the military silo that the autobots called headquarters, dangerously close to teetering off the very tall building for a massive plummet to the harsh, abrasive rock below. Arcee looked so disconcerted... Why was she upset...?

“Starscream, answer me,” Arcee instructed in a low, serious tone. She had noticed Starscream’s absence and tracked him to the roof of their base, and just arrived to see something she found terrifying. The seeker’s arms were held to the sides, and he looked for all intents and purposes like he was contemplating _jumping_. Jumping stories upon stories to the solid earth beneath their base.

“Feeling the breeze,” He answered, his voice holding an odd disconnection from what he was saying. Tilting his head back, he shuttered his optics and leaned forwards a bit, enough to send the femme on high alert and jerk towards him, expecting she’d have to grab the silver mech.

Arcee stared at him with furrowed brows, daring to ask,” You’re not thinking of jumping, are you?”

Opening his optics and looking over the edge of the building, he calmly said,” I could survive the fall...” He received an incredulous stare, but didn’t seem bothered by it at all.

There was something absolutely eerie about how phlegmatically he suggested he could survive, as if his safety wasn’t really a concern. “C-come back over here, Starscream,” Arcee ordered, faltering over her words as she saw him rock on his feet. “I’m not kidding! Get over here!”

“But you don’t understand!” He snapped crossley, twisting his neck so their optics could meet. His optics burned bright with his sudden anger.

The silver mech’s abrupt change in disposition from overly tranquil to indignation was jarring, and Arcee subconsciously took a step backwards. 

“If I only got one leap, I’d wish for a little higher up,” He mumbled to himself as he peered over the precipice again, his voice relaxed once more,” But anything for a taste of flight...” Starscream rocked on his feet again, and Arcee lunged forward, only backing off as he held his hands defensively and stabilized himself on his feet again.

“Please, Ratchet just fixed you up. Let’s not send you right back to medbay,” She reasoned.

“If I can’t fly, who cares about walking anyways?” He asked, straightening his arms again and bending his knees slightly.

“Wait! Starscream, if you love me, you won’t jump!” She screamed. Some coolant had gathered on the rim of her optics, but she couldn’t be bothered to wipe it away.

Legs straightening, Starscream looked back in a daze, and his expression showing how deeply he was contemplating what she had just said. Arcee covered her mouth in astonishment that it wasn’t a clear cut choice. She watched him crumble to his knees and stare out at the open sky like he was making a sadistic choice, or perhaps more accurately, a masochistic one.

Quickly closing the distance between them, she rested her servos on his upper arms and urged him to go back inside with her. “Please, Starscream, let’s just go back in.”

“B-but you don’t understand,” He muttered. “I need flight. I’m going insane.” His optics couldn’t be pried from the open sky and he refused to budge from where he sat. She gave in, sitting beside him with a death grip so he couldn’t think about falling. “Why won’t you let me fly?”

He meant her inability to let him fall to certain offlining. “That’s not flying. That’s falling.”

“Flying is just falling with skill.” He shook his head slowly, and is if just realizing all that had happened, uncomfortably suggested,” Let’s head in.”

~~  
~~

“You didn’t see him; it was fragging eerie!” She whispered fervently. “He looked ready to jump, and I think he would’ve if I hadn’t been there.”

“Hmm, yes. We’ll have to lock the upper doors to the outside,” Ratchet said, not looking away from the console he was working on.

“This isn’t even phasing you. Why aren’t you the least bit concerned about the fact Starscream just tried to commit suicide?”

“His near jump wasn’t a suicidal tendency, though it’s close. Have you ever heard of Sky Hunger?”

Arcee racked her processors for the vaguely familiar term. “Yeah, I think; though, I can’t really say I know what it is.”

“Well, Air Raid once explained it to me.”

Arcee rolled her optics. “Because he’s a reliable source.” That aerialbot was worse than Cliffjumper for getting himself into danger and enjoying every minute of it.

Ratchet finally stopped working on what had been keeping him so busy as he thought back to the day he’d talked to the aerialbot. “You’ve never seen him serious, but he was about Sky Hunger. From what he told me, it’s been used as a decepticon torturing exercise, and for good reason.”

Arcee wondered how bad Sky Hunger had to be for Air Raid to be _serious_ about it. “So what is it?”

“I haven’t got that far yet,” He grumbled. “Air Raid told me all about it while we were back on Cybertron, when I had just determined him too injured for flight for a few orns, and he made an off comment about Sky Hunger. He then explained it in full detail... He said it was like feeling helpless tenfold, and losing your sanity bit by bit. Some mechs can’t deal with losing flight for an orn or two, and others can manage for meta-cycle with little harm done. It’s the ability to fly, which for seekers and later, our aerialbots, that is apparently synonymous with being online.”

“I like some speed, but I don’t think I’d go insane if I couldn’t drive,” Arcee said a little incredulously. 

“You’d be amazed how quickly that belief could change,” Ratchet replied cryptically, thinking back on his days as a field medic, continuously surprised by how important the T-Cog was to the mental health of his patients. “He also said that Sky Hunger was ten times worse than a grounder losing his wheels.”

“But he couldn’t know that, he’d never been a grounder.”

“True, but from what I’ve observed, he was completely accurate,” Ratchet said gravely. One memory that would forever be ingrained in his processor was the night that his medical team had finally identified the problem that was keeping Air Raid decommissioned. The always upbeat and fun-loving aerialbot had begged him to terminate spark-support after hearing that they had changed the suspected healing time from a few orns to half a meta-cycle. Air Raid had gotten better; the very day he flew again, one could hardly tell he was suicidal the day before. “We should be extra careful with him until we decide he deserves the T-Cog.”

Bumblebee quietly announced his presence, standing in the entranceway to the space they occupied. With a sad expression that Miko would have immediately identified as cute, he asked if the autobots could trust him enough now. The scout went on to remind everyone how painful it was for him when he couldn’t transform for only a few days, and that Starscream had saved Miko’s and Arcee’s life. Bumblebee averted his gaze as he admitted Starscream had done some terrible things, including help MECH with the thieving of his own T-COG, but immediately followed with how that was in the past, Starscream had said so himself.

“That’s for Optimus to decide,” Ratchet solemnly said. He was simply the medic, he’d follow orders, not decide whether a mech was worthy of trust or still a danger to the team.

“I feel bad about keeping the T-Cog too, but,” She couldn’t finish her statement. She had an underlying fear that she couldn’t admit. Arcee had a terrible feeling that if they gave Starscream too much rope too quickly, he’d strangle himself and anyone else he needed to, to achieve more power.

~~  
~~

Arcee stood outside of Starscream’s door requesting entrance, but received no answer. “Starscream?” 

She requested entrance again, only to be startled by the silver cybertronian announcing,” I was just returning to my quarters now.”

Whipping her helm in surprise, she automatically quipped,” It’s good to see you on steady footing.”

Starscream’s wings drooped slightly and he averted his gaze. “A-about earlier...” Never had a mech seemed more uncomfortable in his own plating before. “I’m a seeker, and I’m-”

“Suffering from Sky Hunger or something,” Arcee finished for him, her expression doleful as she took in just how ill at ease he seemed.

Arching an orbital ridge, he asked,” You know of Sky Hunger? I was under the impression not many autobots did.”

“I’ve heard of it, though not much,” She admitted. Arcee was conflicted; she wanted to get closer to him so she could extend some sort of soothing gesture, but was too embarrassed to actually do so. He just looked so morose, and if the occasional twitching of his wings was any indication, highly anxious as well.

“Well, I doubt anything you’ve heard quite compares with how capable it is of driving one hysterical,” He commented, his servos fidgeting. “It was affecting me hitherto, but I couldn’t _do_ anything before, a-and I guess...” Shaking his head he stopped his pointless rambling. She could never understand how spark shatteringly excruciating this was.

He realized he must have mumbled something aloud to the effect of what he had been thinking, because she earnestly pleaded,” Then try and make me understand. Better yet, tell me how I can help.”

Trying to formulate a comprehensible relation of how miserable he was, Starscream rolled his shoulders and tried to relax his tense form. “I’m confined, and I- I can _feel_ flight, but it’s a cruel joke, because I can’t really experience it. It’s like getting around without any feet, because you’re still capable, and you can manage, but you’re going insane because you _know_ that you should be able to walk, and piece by piece of your mind is being shredded by the most basic need you know not being fulfilled, and it gets to the point th-that you can’t even function. All you want to do is _fly_. All you want is to follow your most basic instinct and feel like you exist again, because without flight, it’s hard to even acknowledge your own existence. Your identity has been vanquished, and the longer you miss it, the more it seems you’ll never get it back _ever_.” He was about to rattle more meaningless words, they could never truly amount to how he felt, but he felt her servos clasping his own. Gazing down at her sympathetic mien, he finished with a broken voice,” As for help, there is little more that you can do other than what you already are.”

Their chassis made a soft scraping whisper as she quickly brought him into tight hug. “I’m sorry,” She apologised in an almost inaudible tone. As far as he was concerned, she was just being sympathetic, but guilt roiled in her spark. They had a T-Cog, they had the thing that would cure him of this miserable existence, but they were just holding on to it.

~~  
~~

“Optimus, sir, I want to speak to you,” Arcee announced as she found him alone in one of the storage rooms.

“Yes, Arcee, what is it?” He stopped looking for whatever he was after and turned his full attention to her. Arcee didn’t often seek him out to talk about things, and when she did, she was often very passionate about whatever she believed needed to be said.

Not letting her riled up emotions afflict her voice, she evenly said,“ We need to give Starscream the T-Cog. For mental stability before he snaps, before he hurts himself.”

Optimus arched an orbital ridge. “Hurts himself?”

“Ratchet was going to tell you tonight, but I beat him to it, I guess. He nearly jumped today, nearly jumped from the top of our base, because he wanted- no, more like _needed_ a taste of flight. Something called Sky Hunger, I don’t know. All I know is he _needs_ that T-Cog,” Arcee informed him, much more worked up than usual. She still was calm and collected, and talking in a dark and almost apathetic tone, but a mech who had known her as long as Optimus could see right through to the sharp emotions lurching behind her relaxed mask.

Placing a large servo on her shoulder, Optimus told her,” All I do is in the hopes that it is best for my team. If you believe that he is ready and in need of the T-Cog we are holding for him, than I will gladly grant it to him.”

Suddenly the pressure was too much, and her mask fell to surprise. Gazing up at her noble leader, she hesitated before answering. Everything was placed on her shoulders, and while he wasn’t pressing hard, his servo seemed to become heavier as she thought about this. Should Starscream misuse their gift, it would be a direct fault of her own for falsely stating he was deserving of the organ. It was all good to say that someone should get something, but when the power to decide was literally in your servos, and yours alone, it instantly became a much harder decision. 

“I- I think he’s ready. We should give him the T-Cog.” She didn’t want to be what stood in the way of him receiving his much desired gift of flight. The femme just hoped she was making the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author's Notes 7/1/12***  
> A mildly slow chapter, I admit, and very Sky Hunger-centric, but it transitions to the next chapter. Not much to say on this chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

“Alright, you can’t do anything strenuous, but walking around base should fine,” Ratchet said as he finished up wrenching the last few screws of some plating on his abdomen.

Transforming his servos into guns and back, Starscream grinned disbelievingly at them. He'd thought for a while that he'd never get a T-Cog again. Sitting up, he looked at the people who surrounded him, autobot and human alike. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined receiving a replacement T-Cog with the help of Autobots, and neither had he assumed humans to be present in the final picture after being the victim of MECH’s organ theft. Perhaps the sweeter addition to his newly acquired T-Cog was the bright red and shiny autobot sigil that took residence on his chest plate; it was almost as tremendously wonderful as the idea that he was about to take flight again. Almost.

Glancing down at the humans, he said,” Raf, let me show you what true flight is like.” The human had been instrumental to his getting through being paralyzed, and while he would never admit it aloud, he wanted to repay the debt.

Bumblebee was quick to protest that it was dangerous, but Starscream interrupted,” Oh, I’ll be careful. It would just be a small circuit, and I’m well aware of the harmful effects of G forces to human bodies. Trust me on that one.”

The last sentence he tagged on did little to reassure Bee, but Raf broke in,” It’s fine, Bee.” He patted the scout’s shin and smiled up at him. He wasn’t worried about the ex-con harming him, he was sure Starscream had plenty of experience being a jet and Ratchet had fixed Agent Fowler’s jet, so he knew that a human could ride safely without a flight suit. Looking up at the silver cybertronian, he grinned and said,” That’d be awesome.”

With an annoyed sigh, Ratchet warned,” I would highly advise against flight. Like I said, you shouldn’t do anything strenuous-”

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ve heard that kind of speech many times before,” He brushed off, getting to his feet and walking towards the exit of the base. The need for flight nearly consumed his processor to the point that speech was difficult, but it was a small obstacle. The whole group followed, which didn’t really surprise him, and he laughed lightly at the scout’s apprehension.

Doing one of his rare transformations where he folded up into a still jet and remained on the ground using his landing gear for once, he said,” You must bear with me. Taking off from the ground is so slow in comparison to straight to air, but I highly doubt your guardian would allow it any other way.” If he had a choice, he’d just throw the earthling into the air and catch him in his cockpit.

Bumblebee let Raf climb onto his hand and lifted him to the seekers cockpit, once again voicing how he didn’t like this.

“The boy is fine, scout. Though, you do want to buckle up, kid. Aerial stunts are much more enjoyable while still conscious.” He closed the cockpit bubble with a little sadistic glee at the way Bumblebee jumped in alarm at his tagged on words. Messing with the scout was just so much fun.

Raf did as he was told and strapped on the air mask. He knew that it must seem painfully slow to Starscream who was used to just jumping into flight, but he felt adrenaline pumping as they moved forward. It went from lurching speed to very fast within seconds and Starscream made a sharp ascent to the heavens, flatlining and then dipping his nose to gain speed faster. Raf’s head rattled from side to side slightly and he felt dizzy, but the sights to see were amazing, especially with the bubble having no metal blocking his vantage point.

The seeker stabilized the flight so he was parallel with the ground. “Now human, for a brief lesson. Many of the grounded, and idiotic, humans mistake this,” He paused and twisted, keeping his nose pointing the same direction but rotating a full 360°, “for a barrel roll. That is an aileron roll.” While he was thankful for the game that Raf had played with him, the false terminology had bugged the seeker constantly.

Raf was surprised that he didn’t even get a dizzy feeling from it, but didn’t waste time thinking of that. Instead, he listened intently to what Starscream was trying to teach him.

“You need to perform a constant variation in all three axes, often a helical roll along the forward motion, or in layman’s terms, combining a roll and a loop. _This_ is a barrel roll.” He briefly climbed the skies before tilting the lift vector with his ailerons and rolling into the upward pitch. Twirling through the skies, he saw the dear scout trailing them on the ground and groaned,” Your guardian is persistent.”

“He’s just worried,” Raf laughed, having to work hard to get his voice heard.

“Well, let’s just give him a challenge, why don’t we?” Starscream asked, putting little energy into his thrusters and leaving Bee in his afterburner trail. He banked right to arc in a lazy circle to turn back towards the base. Instead of righting himself, he let himself flip upside down and continue his flight inverted. His flight partner laughed at the transposed trajectory and excitedly looked around.

“This is amazing,” Raf yelled, and then added,” But I have to pretend it doesn’t even compete with racing in a camero, alright? I don’t want Bumblebee to get sad.”

“Deception, I like it,” Starscream said with a sneer.

“Not deception,” He countered,” but flying and driving aren’t analogous at all anyways, and I haven’t been spending nearly as much time with Bee as usual.”

The seeker took an aileron twist back into upright position but followed up immediately with a loop. Before finishing the circuit, he continued a descending flight aimed right at the ground. Their speed picked up exponentially as he spiraled and he pulled up at the last second into another loop and barrel roll.

“Okay, I get the point,” Raf laughed,” Flying is awesome.”

“So long as you know, I couldn’t care less what you fabricate to the scout,” He said in a smug tone. With a sigh, he said,” We ought to return before I cause concern.” He slowed his flight and neared Autobot headquarters. As soon as he was close in proximity, he automatically unfolded to robot form, fleetingly forgetting he held a passenger, but quickly caught the falling human in the palm of his servo. He couldn’t recall a time of hitting the ground with his landing gear in so long, it hadn’t even occurred to him.

He set the boy on the ground, whom was quickly greeted by Bumblebee and offered a ride. Central processors spinning, Starscream muttered,” Perhaps the aileron twist into a descending loop, followed by another and a barrel roll was a little much for my first flight after surgery...”

“A little dizzy?” Arcee teased.

“Very,” He admitted, holding his head with one hand. Seeing a blue scanning light pass up and down his body, he asked the medic with annoyance,” What are you doing?”

Ratchet abstractedly replied,” Making sure you haven’t done any damage in your reckless flight. You just got out of surgery and-”

“I understand your concern, but it is completely unnecessary. I am fine,” He interrupted, a little unnerved by the concern, however caustic, in the doctor’s voice.

“Seems like you came just under pushing your limits. You’re lucky,” Ratchet said back, looking at a screen that displayed Starscream was perfectly fine, and not close to overdoing it at all. So he exaggerated a little...

The group began to head back into base, and Arcee hung back so she could speak with Starscream. “I thought you didn’t think much of humankind.” The curiosity in her voice was evident.

“They’ve... grown on me,” Starscream admitted. “Or at least, they’ve literally grown. The dark haired human-”

“Jack.”

With a sigh, Starscream said,” Yes, Jack, I know his name. _Jack_ has grown two inches since Soundwave first took the humans’ pictures.”

Arcee arched an orbital ridge. Someone had to care about something to notice small changes like that. A dark thought threatened that perhaps Starscream, a mech who was very proficient at manipulation, was merely using this to paint himself in a better light. Though, she brushed it off as she decided that he didn’t seem to be faking it. The silver seeker seemed completely truthful, and actually a little embarrassed to admit it.

Tentatively, Arcee reached out her servo to Starscream’s. He gave her a curious gaze and she warned,” Say anything, and you will regret it.”

“Not a word,” He promised.

~~  
~~

That night was the first night in so long that he was able to comfortably fold into his alt mode for recharge. He felt so vivacious and ebullient, rejuvenated and full of life again. It was amazing what just one flight could do for a mech. He still wanted to fly some more tonight, but it was late and the autobots had adapted to human schedules for recharge. That, and he was mildly afraid of incurring the doctor’s wrath if Ratchet should find he was pushing his limits so soon after surgery.

His desire to fly outweighed the fear of some scolding and he unfolded into bot mode. His nice relaxing recharge could wait; the skies called for him.

Silently leaving his quarters and the base, he made it outside. Jumping just high enough so he could feel the drop change to ascension, Starscream twirled as he entered the skies. The seeker felt so free with the Earth’s moonlight gracing his wings and the wind parting for him.

Jack Darby stood just outside the base, hands clutching the handlebars of his pedal bike, gazing upon the newest member of the autobot team. The dim lighting sparkled off his sleek and silver jet form as he soared through the night sky. The seeker would fly out of sight, then come spiraling back into view until he seemed to notice something and circled the base once before landing.

“Saw all that did you,” He said with a scowl. He didn’t like being watched without knowing it, especially when it wouldn’t be getting him anywhere as far as a higher rank.

“Um, yeah, it looked fun,” Jack said.

“It was.” Staring down at the human, he asked,” Isn’t this a late time for humans to be awake?”

“Yeah, it is, but I realized I left my chem book here, and I have a test in chemistry tomorrow. I didn’t really want to bother anyone, so I just pedaled over.” He had a large book held between his arm and chest, and he was getting ready to mount his beat up bike.

While not a particularly long journey for a mech like himself, it had to be quite a jaunt for a puny human like the one before him. “I’d offer you a ride, but something about fighter jet and suburb don’t exactly scream low profile.”

“Probably be a sound violation for curfew too,” Jack said with a smile.

Starscream was adroit at picking up what people wanted, even when they gave no clear indication. Jack wished to fly, but was politely skipping around it, not wanting to ask and inconvenience the seeker. “Arcee would offline me if she found out I flew with you.”

“What? Yeah, oh, I know. I wasn’t suggesting it. Anyways, you probably don’t want to take a bunch of kids for joyrides...”

“Have you ever flown before?”

Jack paused his denial of wanting to fly, and answered,” Once, when I was little, like three, I took an airplane to California.”

Starscream made a sound of disgust and and said,” One of those commercial airplanes, yes? That can hardly be called _flight_.” He watched the fleshing shrug, and as the boy was mounting his bicycle, the seeker contemplated his options.

This small, and in the past he would have said _pathetic_ and _insignificant_ , brave human was undeniably important to Arcee. They hung out together as much, if not more, as he himself got to with the emotionally elusive femme. This very human had most likely supported him when Arcee undoubtedly asked Jack about her relationship. In fact, the seeker was willing to bet the human contributed positive sentiment towards Arcee liking, or at least accepting, himself. The blue femme was hard to sway, and had hated him in the beginning, but she would’ve at least considered what her human had to say.

If all of Starscream’s speculation was true, the silver mech was indebted to yet another human.

“Why don’t you set down your scholarly book and take a... ‘joyride’,” Starscream offered. Not only would all of his previous speculation render him indebted to the fleshling, it also made securing his amiable view of Starscream a top priority.

“R-really?”

“I was speaking English, correct?”

“Uh, yeah. Sweet, thanks!” He dropped his chem book and bicycle with little regard.

“Yes, sure, sure, anytime,” Starscream dismissed as he reached down and plucked the human off the ground. “Do you trust me?” The question was solemn.

Though momentarily panicked as his feet left the ground without warning, Jack calmly looked directly into Starscream’s optics and said,” Yeah, yeah I do.”

Uncertain as to why this filled his spark with so much warmth, Starscream said,” Then try not to flail.” His cockpit wasn’t very roomy, and he didn’t imagine a severed limb went over very well with humans.

“What? Try not to fl- _ail_?” Jack yelped as he was tossed high into the air, but tried his hardest not to flail as he was instructed. Awe struck him as the cybertronian skillfully folded up around him. Jack’s back hit the seat and he was belted in automatically. A feeling of suspension was swiftly dispelled by Starscream’s sudden ascension.

Spiraling heavenward, the seeker sharply twirled so he was on a helical path horizontally. Jack was mildly thankful it didn’t last too long; he could feel yesterday’s breakfast.

Starscream flattened out out a leisurely straight path. “I suppose I’ll have to give the female a ride too, won’t I?”

“Miko? Yeah, she’ll probably be begging you by tomorrow.” Jack held tightly to his safety belts as Starscream did some more aerial stunts. This was better than any roller coaster he’d ever been on.

They didn’t hold much more conversation, Jack was too busy being amazed by the sights and aerial maneuvers, and Starscream was more that happy not having to engage a human in pointless conversation. He didn’t really know what to say to a fleshl- human when not mocking them.

Moisture started to patter on the bubble of his cockpit, and Jack worriedly asked,” Is that rain?”

“This is your planet; you tell me,” Starscream replied snarkily. So what if it was raining. He was an f-16, not a kite, the rain wasn’t going to harm him, or the human.

“I left my chem book by my bike. Outside. That’s going to be a forty-two dollar fine!”

Ah, monetary value being damaged, that was the human’s problem. Banking right, he headed back to the base. As he slowed for a landing and flipped into catching his passenger, he was in for a surprise.

Arcee stood just under the base’s overhang, keeping the prized chemistry book and the boy’s bicycle dry and out of the rain that was picking up pretty quickly. So Jack hadn’t been the only observer.

Starscream awkwardly extended his servo and offered the human to his guardian.

“He can walk, I’m not carting his bike around,” She said in an unusually light tone. “Why don’t I open a bridge for you so you can sneak into bed before your mother realizes you’re missing?”

“That’d be great, thanks,” Jack agreed. Starscream lowered him to the ground and partially dropped him the last three feet.

“You and I have to talk. Keeping Jack up till two AM on a school night?” Arcee accused, crossing her servos and glaring at the silver cybertronian as they followed Jack to the ground bridge.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Starscream protested,” I was just flying and minding my own business, and the human needed his forty-two dollar book!”

“forty-two dollar book...?”

“Chem,” Jack clarified, holding up the book in question.

“I see...” Arcee said as she arched an orbital ridge, a smirk on her faceplate. “Well, I’ll let it go, just this once.”

Watching the boy be sent through the portal the femme opened for him, Starscream smirked and said,” Now about that talk you promised. I have a few topics in mind, though I have to admit, there’s not too many words involved.” Renewed confidence cursed through the seeker, and a high off of flight gave him the courage to attempt the insane.

“Let me guess, _Yes_ , and _Oh Starscream_.”

Suggestively raising his orbital ridges, he added,” And _Oh Primus_ for a particularly interesting topic...”

Arcee laughed at the intrepidity Starscream bore, and shut down the ground bridge. Sauntering over, Arcee placed her servos on his chest plate. His soon found themselves wrapping around her waist as he leaned into a kiss. He was pleasantly surprised when she not only reciprocated, but began massaging her digits over his body to find the ever elusive pleasure nodes.

Gently directing the small, dextrous servos to the overhang of his chest plate and off slightly to the side, he silently encouraged the digits to curl underneath. He moaned softly as she hit a sweet spot. Soon his servos were being lead in a similar fashion to one of her pleasure nodes, and he eagerly did as he was voicelessly commanded. 

In between kissing, he begged,” The wings, please, the wings.” She pulled away from the kiss, and he received a bemused stare. Flustered, he mumbled,” You’re not a seeker, you wouldn’t understand.” His mock pout was quickly wiped away as her servos graced the inner wings and worked magic.

And suddenly it was over.

With a laugh, she was walking away, towards her quarters.

“I- I’ve done some highly immoral things in my life, but that was pure sadism!” He called after her, his wings tingling from those tender touches. “Pure sadism!”

Raising a servo to gently wave, she chuckled,” Goodnight, Starscream.”

Crossing his servos, he mimicked her, then sighed and said,” Goodnight, Arcee... and... sweet dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author's Notes 7/4/12***  
> Wow, I never thought I'd get this far. This whole novel started out as a one shot, when I realized I had a lot more I could do with this couple... and now it's this 0u0
> 
> You see that moment where Starscream referred to Raf by his name without any prodding to do so? Yeah, big steps for the seeker <3 He knows their names, but there's not too many times in this whole fanfic where he refers to them as such on his own initiative.
> 
> I've had half of this chapter written since around the time I submitted Chapter 8... It feels really good to finally post this. XD
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!


	15. Chapter 15

The dark haired human was right.

It was ten in the morning on a saturday (and technically it had already been very early friday when Jack and he spoke). Starscream had come to hate the ‘weekend’, as it left more time for Arcee to hang out with her human friend, and occasionally lead to more talking with the other two humans as well. Today, the female with shocks of pink in her hair. 

“Hey Screamer, wouldja’ take me for a flight? Just a real small one? Please~?”

“Do not call me Screamer, my name is Starscream. As for a flight, I’m sure your guardian would object,” Starscream replied sourly, glaring down at the human.

“Nah, she’ll be in your servos,” Bulkhead clamoured as he approached the seeker. Stepping in close and patting the silver mech on the back, he added quietly,” And I know where you recharge.”

While it was said mostly in jest, Starscream nervously nodded his helm and said,” Of course.” It was his lucky day, wasn’t it? The one guardian who was fine with letting his human charge fly with the ‘scary ex-con’... “Well, erm, I don’t see why not.” With the boisterous bruiser’s words in mind, tossing her and catching her was out of the question, so he merely walked outside and folded up. 

As she was placed in his cockpit, he fastened her in and took off. The poor seeker was not prepared for her high pitched sonar attack. “No yelling, squealing, or whatever you just did qualifies as,” He quickly instructed.

“Ah, c’mon. Just a little bit?” She teased. “Hey, you got radio?” She began pressing buttons which received a rapid reply.

“No pressing buttons either! If I wasn’t tightly controlling this flight, you would have just launched yourself out of the cockpit!”

Crossing her arms, Miko softly grumbled,” Anatawa takusan honsokuga arimasu.”

“Iie, zenzen,” He calmly replied, doing an aeolian roll and earning a giddy shout from his passenger. 

“Nihongo o hanashimasuka...?”

“Of course I speak Japanese,” He scoffed. “It was the fourth Earth language I learned.

“What were the first three?” She asked.

“Chinese, then English and French.”

“Suh-weet!”

“You act like this is an impressive feat, but your planet’s languages are very simplistic. I could probably learn them all in a matter of hours, _if_ it even took that long” He replied impassively.

“It’d be nice to talk in Japanese, sometimes I get a little homesick,” Miko admitted. As much as she would deny missing her parents and Tokyo, she found herself thinking about them a lot. It was mostly the uprooted culture and language, but all of this was easily smothered and temporarily forgotten by hanging out with Bulkhead.

Switching over to the girl’s native tongue and not missing a beat, Starscream asked,” You haven’t just asked if your guardian spoke Japanese?” He did have to admit that he liked the structure of the language. As far as Earth went, it had a very special structure; subject, object, verb. As opposed to the romantic and germanic languages, which ran completely different. Even as a former decepticon, he could admire diversity, though his former decepticon days still left him mildly xenophobic, and it was hard to appreciate the Earth languages as anything but inferior to his own.

“Um, no, I never thought to do so.”

“Perhaps that is for the best. I doubt your friend can learn more than one,” He abstractedly replied, and silently cursed as he realized that probably wasn’t the correct response.

“He could too! He just doesn’t want to!”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Starscream eagerly accepted, glad he had a way to get out of hot water. Taking a severe dip, he accelerated at an alarming rate, then pulled up into loop, twirling a few times before inverting and continuing on upside down. For some reason, humans seemed to like being upside down, and it was turning out to be a crowd pleaser. One that didn’t disappoint; the human eagerly let him know how cool this was. “What _is_ it about inverted flight that excites fleshlin- humans so much?”

Thinking about it, she answered,” I can’t walk on my hands, and generally rolling a vehicle is _bad_ , so I guess it’s just awesome because you usually can’t move around upside down, y’know?”

“You can’t walk on your hands? Shouldn’t that fit well into the parameters of what a human body is capable of?”

“I’m told we can do back flips too, but the only time I’ll ever do one is on a trampoline.”

“Trampoline...?” Quickly cross referencing it with his dictionary, he didn’t even come up with a Japanese word for it. Checking through his english, he came up with ‘trample’... He doubted that was what she intended to convey.

“You know. It’s usually a black circle, and you can bounce _really_ super high on it.”

“I’m afraid I will simply have to take your word on that.”

“You’re missing out,” She said, then laughed as she thought of her autobot friends bouncing on trampolines. Those would have to be very large trampolines. Like, industrial sized, times two.

He didn’t find the conversation very humorous (though he wasn’t privy to her amusing thoughts), but dismissed it as ‘humans were insane’. He did laugh at her panicked grab for her safety belts as he pulled off a few intense aerial maneuvers, one after another. “We should probably head back.” If Bumblebee was any indication, guardians weren’t particularly gracious of him taking his time in returning.

“Aww...”

Tentatively, he offered,” I suppose we could fly again, sometime soon. You know, for language purposes.”

The human grinned and said,“ Thanks, Starscream, I’ll have to take you up on that.”

~~  
~~

“Is Starscream fit for a mission?” Optimus Prime asked his medic.

“Physically, sure, but you’re not thinking of trusting him out on the field are you?” Ratchet had his doubts as to whether Starscream was ready for their confidence that he’d do the right thing. The seeker had been an autobot for a lot less time than he was comfortable with, especially with what the old Second in Command of the decepticons was notorious for. While it had been helpful for the autobot cause, how many times he tried to backstab Megatron didn’t exactly reflect well on him.

“If not now, when are we to start, old friend?”

“You should know my answer.”

Optimus Prime warmly said,” Never isn’t an option, Ratchet.”

With a grumble, Ratchet said,” You’re in for a surprise, ‘never’ wasn’t my answer. _Later_ is all I ask. I believe he’s changing for the better, but I don’t believe he is completely devoted to our cause yet.”

“It would be a simple energon mission. We found a small pocket of it in Ecuador, in the Andean highlands, and we would send him with Arcee.”

“A simple mission that Megatron wouldn’t waste his time with,” Ratchet read into his leader’s plans,” and with a little added incentive to do the right thing.” Optimus nodded, and Ratchet thought aloud,” It may go wrong like I predict, but under those circumstances, he may just be ready. I guess there wouldn’t be much harm in trying.”

“While I would not need it, I am very glad to have your approval, old friend.”

~~  
~~

Starscream followed Arcee’s heels as she stepped out into the mountainous terrain holding a scanner and letting her optics float over their surroundings. The seeker was a little surprised to hear that he would be assisting Arcee on a field mission. He knew at some point that they were supposed to trust him enough for this, but it still slightly amazed the silver mech.

He was going to utilize this opportunity; show off just how beneficial and advantageous trusting him could be. He was going to show his autobot friends that they made the right decision in-

“Looks like we have company,” Arcee said, cutting off his grandiose thoughts. Checking her scanner before stowing it away, she pointed to an out of reach rock face and continued,” I can take care of the vehicons, you just locate the energon. Scanner said it should be in that direction. Report back once you’ve found it.”

Being talked to as an equal still intrigued him; for the longest time he had been stuck in the middle of a huge gap between lower worker (almost slave) force, and highest Lord Megatron. While it bothered him to lack the power to just order a mech around, it was kind of nice to think that he was equally important as everyone on his team. Nodding his helm, he quickly affirmed,“ Understood.”

Jumping into the air and transforming, he quickly flew over the area she had designated and gracefully dropped to the ground. It was higher up than the area that Arcee was now engaging the vehicons in a fight on, and while she would be able travel up to this height if she pushed her engines to the max, it looked like Optimus Prime was correct in saying his flight would be an asset on this energon run.

Starscream brought out his own scanner and began analyzing his surrounding environment. It appeared that there was only a small amount of energon, but it was close to the surface. Before Starscream could confirm this, a large shadow flew over him. Peering up at the blinding, glinting sun, a dark figure caught his optics.

A cybertronian jet. 

_Megatron’s_ alternate form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now having taken over four years of Japanese, I'm glad my painfully simple sentences stood the test of time and acquisition of knowledge.
> 
> ***Original Author's Note 7/8/12***
> 
> Okay, let's all say it together! Cliffhanger!
> 
> ... Yeah, sorry about that XD
> 
> D'aww... Starscream does have a spark! In case you are wondering, I translated the Japanese myself (and for the very curious it says "You have lots of rules" "Not at all" and "You speak Japanese?") Since I know most people don't speak Japanese (and I only have one and a half years of the language under my belt myself) I just continued the next bout of Japanese in English, and let you assume they are speaking another language. XD
> 
> If you are fluent in Japanese, and I have made a mistake, please correct me...
> 
> Oh no, a wild Megatron has appeared...! dun Dun DUN~!


	16. Chapter 16

Starscream readied his blasters as he saw Megatron lit upon earth, the decepticon unfolding into robot form and sending him a smile. Out of habit, Starscream quickly began running all the past offences he’d committed against Megatron in the last while, the largest by far being his leaving the decepticons and sharing knowledge with both MECH and Autobots. He quailed as the leader of the decepticons approached.

Firing at Megatron, he wasn’t at all surprised when the other didn’t flinch and merely raised his cannon and shot at his old Second In Command. Dodging, Starscream prepared to launch a missile but Megatron’s laugh stopped him.

“I shall not mince my words, Starscream. Having been allied with the Autobots has made you an invaluable asset,” Megatron said, his war torn voice giving his words a sense of complete truth. The gravity of his sentence came off as sincere; he wasn’t proclaiming to want Starscream to return to his side out of favor, or because he was unwilling to give up on a comrade. Letting Starscream remain aligned with the autobots could be dangerous. He just wanted Starscream for the autobot intelligence he had, and Megatron didn’t bother hiding it.

“How touching, I missed you too,” Starscream spat back, letting his gaze slip only for a moment to Arcee.

“With the knowledge of the enemy that you possess-”

“They’re _your_ enemies, my allies,” Starscream retorted.

“Your fit for Second in Command,” Megatron finished, his words dangerously truthful.

As that remark fell upon Starscream’s audio receptors, he winced and muttered,” You’re lying.” He was an autobot now; he had the shield to prove it. He was loyal to Optimus Prime. He was.

Despite his frantic protests running through his processors, Starscream let himself think of what Megatron had said. _Fit to become Second in Command?_ His old master would grant him power again? He would return to a position of control rather than be a mere foot soldier of the autobots?

“Are you so certain I’m lying?” Drawing out his question, he requested,” Think about it.”

Starscream swore quietly; he _was_ thinking about it. Why was Megatron offering him his old post again? Why did it sound so appealing? He was happy with the autobots, happy to finally be getting somewhere with Arcee. He was happy... If he was so happy, why did he always feel that despite their progressive trust of him, they would never truly trust him enough to give him an ounce of power?

Here Megatron was offering him to become his right hand mech again. Sure it was only because he had knowledge of the autobots, and they would never actually trust each other, but he didn’t need trust if he was already with authoritative strength. He would have respect, mass numbers of mechs bowing at his request, mechs going out of their way to please him!

Taking a tentative step towards Megatron, he lowered his guns and asked,” My lord, when you say fit for Second in Command...”

“I mean it, _Lieutenant Commander_ Starscream,” Megatron said with a heinous purr.

“It does sound good; the title is rather fitting,” Starscream admitted with a sheepish laugh. A little information for his old post? He could easily manage that. Who would it hurt? Not him, and that was all that should ever matter.

The shock of blue he knew to be Arcee kept grabbing his attention as she flipped through her battle with some vehicons.

He had to keep his own welfare at the center of his focus, he knew. Self preservation and letting himself gain every advantage offered to him overruled a... simple crush. Starscream scowled. Why was he even wasting his time? Megatron was not a patient mech! He had to act quickly before the deal expired. “I know all of the autobot security codes,” He said as he continued his approach of his master, feeling the need to prove his usefulness. “And I know their base’s location.”

“Good,” Megatron whispered in contentment.

Arcee blocked an incoming strike and grumbled. Starscream should be back already! All he was sent to do was find the energon deposit they came for. She gasped as her optics caught him walking towards Megatron. A quick slice to her abdomen sent her dropping to the ground; she was in a battle, she couldn’t afford to lose her focus! The physical pain didn’t even match the fear coursing through her though. Why was Starscream willfully walking to Megatron’s side? From the quick glance she had gotten, he hadn’t had any weapons drawn at all!

With an angered growl, she swung her leg around into a forward sweep, and took the vehicon’s balance. As the purple mech fell to the ground, she assisted in bringing him faster, and slicing his throat when he reached the destination. Sparking electricity crawled across her arm, but she didn’t waste any time in turning to gut the other vehicon. If Starscream was doing what she thought he was, then she had no time to spare.

Once the vehicons were taken care of, she transformed and raced for Starscream. Calling his name loudly, she screamed,” What are you doing?!”

Starscream was only meters away from Megatron as he heard Arcee, and guiltily looked back to her. He had failed her, but he had benefited himself, Starscream reminded himself; though, doubt further seeded into his spark. This shouldn’t be a hard decision. Join Megatron, gain power.

Megatron raised his arm cannon as Arcee flipped into robot mode, aiming it right for her spark.

“W-wait, don’t fire at her,” Starscream quickly urged, holding up his claws and sidestepping so he was in between the two.

“You have feelings for an autobot?” Megatron taunted with a hint of amusement.

“O-of course not, my lord, b-but...”

_My lord_... The simple words constricted Arcee’s spark in torturous contortions. Raising a servo to her helm, she quickly hailed the base and said,” Optimus, send full backup. Megatron present.”

“ _Acknowledged_ ,” her comm crackled back.

As she finished her statement, Megatron sighed and said,” Sparing the weak only lets them plead for help.” Contacting base and requesting a ground bridge, he shoved Starscream out of his way and fired his cannon, hitting Arcee square in the chest.

“ _Arcee!_ ” Starscream shrieked, reaching out to her. He saw the green portal swirl into existence and Megatron beckoning him to follow, to follow and reclaim his rightful rank of Lieutenant Commander of the decepticons.

“Starscream, let us return to the Nemesis!”

Megatron was already heading into the bridge as Starscream whipped his head to look at the portal and his master. No, his previous master. He couldn’t join them after Arcee had just been severely wounded; the cons would just scrap him after they got what they wanted anyways. Who was he kidding?

Arcee’s frame fell to the ground, sharp metal slicing through the soft ground and mud sliding into her joints and open wound. Gritting her dental plates, she raised her upper body with one arm, supporting herself on her elbow. She wasn’t letting Starscream get away. Shakily raising her free arm, she aimed her blaster for his side where the chest plate hung over the rest of the body. If she could get the right angle, she knew she’d hit a weak spot, a _sensitive_ spot.

Arcee’s vision was degrading in quality at an alarming rate, but the femme managed to fire two full power shots before slinking back the ground and curling up in pain. It was strange. As she aimed at Starscream, he had seemed to be standing still compared to Megatron’s slow stalk to the ground bridge and her falling gaze. With shuttering eyes gaining tears, she realized why. _He had been turning back to return to my side_.

Megatron didn’t waste any further time on his prior right hand mech; the information was valuable, but not worth extensive effort. Starscream was too incompetent anyways, he assured himself; any information he received would be wrong. The leader of the decepticons disappeared into his green portal, leaving behind a rattling laugh to echo back at the autobots.

As Bumblebee came running through the autobot portal that had just spiralled open seconds later, he was in time to witness Starscream dropping to his knees, clutching his side, and staring disbelievingly. The wound under his servo was severe enough, melted metal mixed with flowing energon stuck to the seeker’s encasing claws.

Bumblebee was haunted by the expression Starscream wore as he looked straight at the scout before slumping forwards and faceplanting into the ground. Energon chilled, the spooked scout uneasily assessed the situation and worriedly called out both of their names. He ran to Arcee and saw the large hole in her chest plate as he turned her over. Bumblebee looked back and forth between the two and asked what happened.

“I... I shot him. Twice... I didn’t want to lose him,” Arcee mumbled, dazed and confused as she stared up at the scout.

Alarm rang through the bot, but he didn’t allow himself the time to think over it. He needed to get them to Ratchet. Seeing Bulkhead entering the scene, he called out for Bulkhead to get Starscream and that both of their teammates needed emergency medical care.

“Woah, what happened,” Bulkhead asked, quickly running to Starscream’s side. The seeker was writhing and too overwhelmed with pain to give an answer and merely groaned.

The silver seeker cried out in agony as Bulkhead picked him up, and began clawing blindly at the autobot. His side. His side! His side was on fire!

“Starscream, I’m just trying to get you back to base,” Bulkhead assured the other, wincing as Starscream’s frantic tearing cut right through his paint job and to the metal and beneath. He tried to readjust the seeker in his arms so as to lessen the pain in Starscream’s side, but found no matter what he did, he was going to be clawed at. Sighing and making a quick dash for it, he headed back through their ground bridge.

“I couldn’t get an answer, I don’t know what went down, but both him and ‘Cee are hurt pretty badly.”

Bumblebee was coming through the portal as he finished his sentence, backing up exactly what his partner had just relayed.

Ratchet evaluated both patients as they were rushed to med bay, and headed for Starscream first.

“Ratchet, Arcee’s got a hole through her chest,” Bulkhead protested as he saw the doctor start to treat Starscream.

“Yes, she does,” He agreed,” But her injury was a broad shot and meant to inflict a wide surface area of pain, it’s not as threatening as Starscream’s.” Maneuvering the now unconscious seeker’s arm and examining the deep wound, Ratchet continued,” His attacker knew exactly where to hit, and did a precise shot. Not only did it pierce a cluster of nodes, which while painful is relatively harmless medically, they pierced several...” He continued in medical terms that Bulkhead didn’t understand, but the mech did get the gist. It was very serious. “It should be easily taken care of though, if I just...” He stopped explaining in favor of doing.

“You said his attacker. You mean Megs, right?” Bulkhead said, confused as to why the medic was avoiding using his name.

With a pause, Ratchet shook his head and gave a negative hum. The energon residue in the injury was pure; it didn’t have a trace of dark energon in it.

Bumblebee gazed down and quietly repeated what Arcee had said.

“Shot him? She shot him?” Bulkhead asked. “Why?”

“We’ll have to wait to ask,” Ratchet said as he prepared himself to treat Arcee.

Compared to other surgeries he had done lately, both of their injuries were rather low key, and within an hour, he had both of them fixed up. Recuperation would take a bit longer though, and Ratchet left them after hooking them both up to an energon line and a few cords that would take stress off their bodily functions.

~~  
~~

As Arcee came to, she knew exactly where she was and the condition she was in. She didn’t care if she needed time to heal though. There was something a lot more pressing than her beauty sleep, and she quickly disengaged spark support and the fuel line. Springing to her feet, she stormed over to the inert body healing on the other side of the room.

“Starscream!” She grabbed his shoulders and shook him roughly. “Starscream! Wake up, now!” She slid her fingers in between the seeker’s neck and chest cavity. Wrenching him up close to her faceplate and holding him there, she growled his name once more.

Red optics unshuttered and stared in panic at her.

“You aft! You fragging jerkaft! You promised me never again! You promised me!” Fear shivered through her sniveling victim. With a vitriolic tone, she angrily accused,” You were going to divulge everything about us! And for what? Megatron was going to throw you a bone and let you be his lap dog again?!” She drove her servos down and slammed Starscream back into the berth.

His whimpering only heightened as she kept him pinned there and asked,” Well? What do you have to say?”

Grabbing her servo that pressed unyieldingly with both of his own, he protested,” But I was turning back to you! I- I could never stay loyal to that sordid and amoral beast- Augh!” He wailed as she thrashed him against the table again. “P-p-please! Forgive me! I know what I’ve done wrong. I wish to-”

His futile begging was cut short with only her glare. In a dangerous whisper, she said,” Not only did you destroy my trust of you by going back on your word, you betrayed me. You betrayed all the autobots! We took you in, and slaggit! Some of us were, no, _all of us_ , we were even starting to like you! And then you betray us? Frag you!”

He fell silent as he stared up to her, coolant gathering in his optics.

“Why?” She asked softly, her harsh, angry stance relaxing into one of melancholy. She still held him at the cusp of his chest plate and neck, but her hold had loosened. “Why would you abandon me... us?”

“U-us? No! I never abandoned us! I was confused, but I never abandoned us. As soon as he shot you, I couldn’t follow him!” As soon as Megatron had injured Arcee, Starscream had found his position as Lieutenant Commander not worth it.

“Who cares about _us_ if I can’t trust you’ll be a faithful autobot? Our team comes first! They’re my family, I can’t let them down, not for anyone!”

“Arcee, I love you!”

“Yeah? Well, it’s not requitted anymore.”

The broken expression was coupled with his body going numb, his servos fell loosely back by his side and he stared up in emotional agony.

“Arcee, what are you doing?” Optimus Prime called as he and Ratchet came running into the med bay.

“Arcee, please, unhand him,” Ratchet requested, surprise striking him as he found both bots in solemn tears.

“I don’t want to hold onto a traitor any longer anyways,” She said as released him. “He was going to go back to Megatron’s side! He was going to sell us out.” She quickly wiped away her tears in embarrassment, and stormed out of the room.

Starscream shuttered his eyes and grimaced. How was he going to ever win back anyone’s trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Notes 7/10/12***  
> Yeah.... Not exactly a shining moment for Starscream... D: Sorry Screamers ^^;
> 
> A shorter chapter, but the next one is almost done ^u^


	17. Chapter 17

Arcee stalked out of med bay as she finished her explanation of what Starscream had done. She saw Optimus in her peripheral vision, but didn’t care if he was following her. The femme just wanted to be away from the hopelessly broken expression Starscream had worn as she gave her final view on their relationship. _Yeah? Well it’s not requitted anymore._ Had she meant it? Or had she just been angry? The words were harsh, but they had every right to be, she decided.

“Arcee,” Prime said, following behind her.

“Excuse me, sir, but I’m not really in the mood to talk.”

“I know.”

Arcee sighed, and stopped walking. “But you’re going to say that I need to talk to someone right now.”

“I didn’t need to say it,” Optimus said with warm, sad smile.

“Well not much needs to be said. He double crossed us, and I hate him.” He killed Cliff, then he had the gall to join the autobots, only to betray them the first chance he got!

“I’m not so sure that is completely true.”

Turning around to glare at Optimus, she quickly protested,” But he killed one of our own. He joined us only to be willing to betray us! He caused this.” She pointed the the wound on her chest. Ratchet had fixed it up, but it would take personal time to buff it and remove the black ring that clearly showed Megatron had shot her point blank.

“Did you not tell Bumblebee that you shot him because you didn’t want to lose him?”

It was true. She hadn’t wanted Starscream to go through with the betrayal. She hadn’t wanted to give him the chance to ruin everything. She hadn’t wanted him to pass the moral event horizon and go to a place she couldn’t bring him back from. “Y-yeah, but I was delirious. I’d just been shot at very close range by Megatron’s cannon.”

“If you truly love him-”

“L-love?” She averted her gaze and asked,” Who said anything about love?”

“Arcee, it’s easy to admit love to a bot when everything is going well,” Optimus said painfully. “But that’s not when you need to show them love the most. When they’ve done everything wrong, when they feel like they can’t go on, or that they’ve failed one too many times at doing the right thing and fear that they could never possibly redeem themselves... That’s when a mech needs to know they’re loved the most.”

Optimus spoke from the spark, he knew exactly what she was feeling and could identify with her pain and confusion. “You may find that if you don’t offer your spark early on, they won’t deserve it much longer. Still... one can always hope, and should always try.”

“Sir...?” Her questioning air soon ceased as she came to realization. “You’re speaking of Megatron...” He didn’t need to answer, his shuttered optics spoke volumes. “I- I’m sorry, sir. It was out of line to-”

Shaking his head, the leader of the autobots assured her,” It is fine. I ask only that you consider what I have said and will say. Starscream is currently fighting millennia of beliefs and morals that have been burned into his spark through the mistreatment one suffers as a decepticon. He is fighting all he knows and understands, and we must help him along this path.”

She hadn’t honestly thought of it like that before. She hadn’t thought of _any_ of it like Optimus just presented it. To show love most to someone when they hurt you... And how she expected Starscream to just begin following their way of life when he’d gone through so much of his life learning never to trust another. She was going to change that, Arcee decided.

“Thanks for the talk, I guess I needed it,” She conceded softly.

~~  
~~

“I really messed up this time,” Starscream said softly as Ratchet kneeled and examined his handiwork from yesterday to ensure she hadn’t broken anything. He cringed at the prodding, but tried to ignore it.

“Yes, you did.”

“I- I truly tried to convince myself not to go with him. I knew I should stay with the autobots, but the power...” Holding his helm in his servos, the silver seeker asked,” I ruined everything I had in a matter of seconds. How could anyone ever forgive me?” He was ashamed of how his voice warbled, but the fear and pain of just moments ago still trembled through his systems.

With a sigh, Ratchet answered,” Somehow.”

_Somehow?_ They could actually forgive him after all he’d done? He gazed to the doctor, only to find the piercing blue optics staring back at him.

The seeker’s expression held confusion, it was clear that he didn’t follow. “Starscream, of course we’ll find it within ourselves to forgive you. You’re not just apart of the autobot ranks; you’re family. Everybody makes mistakes, and so long as they learn from them, we have to forgive them.”

That statement went unparalleled with any ideal of the decepticons. Mistakes weren’t forgiven, they were punished until the poor bot who made a mistake understood never to repeat the same mistake again out of fear... Weren’t they? How could the autobots just forgive him? It didn’t quite make sense, but Starscream took the knowledge to spark and accepted it.

“Th-thank you,” It was all he could think to say; he betrayed them, and they openly accepted what happened and forgave him?

“You don’t need to thank us verbally,” Ratchet said,” Thank us by changing your spark and becoming the mech we know you can be.” All finished up with the small examination, Ratchet stood to both feet and began to leave the room. “I need to check Arcee, make sure she didn’t over exert herself.”

Receiving the barest of acknowledgements, Ratchet walked until he reached the egress, and paused. “Starscream.” The silver cybertronian turned his head slightly to view the doctor. “Remember this; ambition in itself is not evil. Ambition without cause or moral barrier is something to be avoided at all costs. One loses himself in a blind struggle for power, and that is the power that corrupts absolutely.”

~~  
~~

“Starscream?” Arcee called as nobody answered her request to enter the room. “Listen, I came to talk to you...” Optimus’s words still rattled through her processors, and guilt pierced her spark. _Yeah? Well, it’s not requitted anymore._ Why did she have to say that?

Still standing outside of Starscream’s personal quarters, she crossed her arms impatiently. If he was playing the silent treatment, he was not helping his cause in winning her affections. “Frag it, Starscream, I’m coming in.” Her nimble fingers made quick work of manually overriding the door to allow her access.

Looking in before tentatively entering, Arcee swiftly noted how bleak his room was. Unlike standard issue of most of the quarters in the base, it had not been outfitted with a console of any kind. In fact, it was practically just a large empty room where one could stretch out with a wingspan of around 10 meters. The only pop of color in the whole room was the single handmade poppy that hung as a centerpiece on the wall parallel with the door.

Her gaze had trouble breaking from the little flower, but eventually she laid optics on her goal; a silver jet sprawled out in front of her. Shuffling into the room, she made her way to the jet engine and rapped her knuckles lightly against the body of the aircraft, just behind the cockpit. “Wake up, sleeping beauty.”

She was expecting a snarky remark or for him to taunt her that she found him attractive, but he stayed silent. Propping a servo on her hip, she stared expectantly that he would react in some fashion, but the mech might as well been just a plain human aircraft. A little miffed, Arcee exhaled and reminded herself why she was here in the first place.

“I came because I wanted to tell you something, but...” She shook her head before she made an excuse to leave. “... and, I think you’ll be glad to hear it.” Sick of awkwardly standing there, she sat down and rested her back in the crook between his nose and wing. “Good thing I have this large, inanimate object to lean on.”

Still, no response, not even acknowledgement of her presence.

“I’m sorry. What I said was rash, I didn’t mean it,” She started with, not sure how to proceed since she’d anticipated dialogue, not a monologue. “I mean, despite what I’d like to say, I don’t think I could ever actually hate you... completely... and as much as I’m embarrassed to admit it, I kind of... care about you too much.”

Once she started, she found his prone, taciturn self not even phasing her anymore, and kept on talking. “I shot you earlier because I was afraid of losing you. I knew that you were about to go somewhere I couldn’t follow. I wouldn’t be able to bring you back. So... sorry about that. I guess what I’m trying to get across is...” It was moments like these that she wished she was better in communicating how she felt. “I’m glad you’re an autobot, and that you’re here, where you belong.”

Rising to her feet, she walked to the exit, not daring to look back. Tears had found their way to her optics, and she was mildly self-conscious and humiliated with how frequently she’d been seen crying as of recent. The not looking back plan was thrown for a loop as she heard Starscream transform behind her.

“You really mean that? I belong here?”

His low voice was so much softer than usual, and Arcee was surprised at just how warmer he sounded. Facing him, she quietly nodded, then added verbally,” More than you could ever know.”

“Th-thank you- I’m s-sorry... I shouldn’t of... I d-don’t know _why_ I...” The seeker gave up, feeling defeated by the simple action of expressing oneself. He approached her and extended his servos to hold hers, but she jerked away.

“D-don’t touch me. I’m still pissed at you,” She said, then shook her head, rolled her optics, and pulled him into a quick hug. He just looked so pathetic when he was sad.

“Oh, so I can’t touch you, but you can touch me,” He said with furrowed orbital ridges, but his mock anger was thrown off by the smile tugging at his mouth.

“Pretty much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author Notes 7/14/12***  
> Ares and Mars, they're one and the same... That might have to become a saying of mine now... Many people though that I was going to have Starscream get a new name back in Chapter 6, (I even had some really good suggestions thrown my way :3) but nope. I was going as basic as faction. ^^;
> 
> He'll wait for you 'Cee, just please don't take you time.... 
> 
> This chapter has a huuuge allusion to a play, an America Classic, that I've previously mentioned in this fanfic... Kudos to you if you figure it out! You get a high five if you do :3


	18. Chapter 18

“I can’t believe that jerk tried to betray us, actually I can. I knew he’d double cross us from the beginning,” Bulkhead gritted out bitterly.

“Be calm, Bulkhead,” Optimus urged,” We must discuss what to do with him rationally.”

“Scrap, I _knew_ I shouldn’t have said he was ready for his T-Cog. This is all my fault, ” Arce muttered, insecurely crossing her arms. She couldn’t bare to look up to the optics of her team. She had failed them and Starscream.

“As for blame, I take all of it,” Prime disagreed. “I should have known Megatron would lay in wait to attempt to snare Starscream.”

Bumblebee insisted they couldn’t have known the leader of the decepticons would join the mission for a simple energon mission.

“Who cares about who takes the blame. What we need to focus on is what we do now,” Ratchet dismissed. Things had gone rather poorly as he expected; they didn’t have time to waste 

~~  
~~

Sitting idly in a random storage room out of the way of the other autobots, Starscream sullenly reflected on recent events. It had been only days since his near betrayal, and it sure didn’t seem like he’d be forgiven by the others like Ratchet said. They were more resentful around him than when he had initially joined the autobots. 

They didn’t treat him poorly like he’d expected from prior experience of mangling relationships (though he had to remind himself he was no longer in the presence of decepticons), but the warmth he’d been growing accustomed to had ceased. Arcee kept more distance, and though she seemed to be making a conscious effort not to hate him, it was thoroughly sparkbreaking. Prime’s trust in him obviously wavered, but for a baffling reason, Starscream found himself actually hurt by this. Bulkhead and Bumblebee were curt when dealing with him, the large brute more out of necessity so he didn’t clock Starscream over the helm, and the scout because it hurt to think his confidence in the seeker had been so trampled on. Ratchet was the only one to remain largely the same towards him; though, that meant just as grumpy and cynical.

“Baka~!”

Starscream jumped at the accusation, immediately switching his processor over to Japanese. “I am not an idiot!”

“Fine. Moron.” Miko came into the room with crossed arms and an angry glare. “How are you supposed to get the girl _now_?”

“Get the girl...?” Thinking about the concept for a second before catching on, he quickly retorted,” I’m doing just fine. I just, er, took a detour.”

Putting her hands on her hips, Miko gave the most sarcastic ‘uh huh’ of all time. “Admit it, you’re totally an idiot and need my help to win Arcee over.”

“I admit nothing to a _human_. Especially on the matters of intelligence, when I clearly overwhelm yours, or on the matter of dealing with femmes. I’ve been online much longer than you and-”

“Soooo just screwed up.”

With a pout, Starscream scoffed,” I would just _love_ to hear what the feeble mind of a human is capable of. Please help me, oh wise fleshling, enlighten me.”

Quirking her eyebrows at the sarcasm, Miko crossed her arms again and shrugged. “Fine, I’ll just leave. I mean, I _am_ a female and know what they like, but hey, mister high and mighty doesn’t need advice when it comes to the ladies. He only royally pissed off the femme he’s been pining over for like ever.”

“Wh-what? Hey! How do you know I’ve been pining- er, interested i-in her f-for...” Flustered, he cut off and sighed, considering his options. “Alight, human, you may tell me what you have in mind.”

“Rule one, you’ve got to either refer to me by name, or call me Goddess of Rock,” The girl with shocks of pink in her hair informed him, holding up one finger. Raising a second, she continued,” Number two, Ya’ gotta’ take me for another flight-”

“That will be a little difficult with me being on house arrest and all,” Starscream pointed out flatly.

“Yeah, I’m like a master of sneaking out of stuff. No one will ever know,” Miko dismissed.

“Can we agree on me calling you ‘girl’? I’m not much in the business of referring to... humans by their names.” He’d very nearly implied he wasn’t used to calling insignificant beings by name, but thankfully had caught himself in time.

“If I can call you Screamer.”

The seeker gritted his dental plates in annoyance. This human did have to be commended on her ability not to get killed by those she pissed off. “No, my name is Starscream, and I refuse to call you or any other _fleshling_ by name unless completely necessary.”

“I have more power power than you realize, big guy,” She said casually with a shrug. “Say I leave this room crying, whaddya’ think Bulk’s response would be?”

With a grimace, Starscream gestured with his serov in sweeping motion for her to begin. “Where should we start with this advice, Nakadai?”

“No need for formalities, Screamer, please, it’s Miko.”

Growling, Starscream bargained,” Swear to never call me Screamer again, and I will grant you the simple pleasure of a first name basis.” 

“Gotcha’,” She said with a thumbs up, before grinning and adding on,” Star.”

“You infuriating aaughh-” She gave him a look before he could use a derogatory name for human, and he lamely finished,” Miko...”

“So, let’s start with making her feel appreciated. Compliment her. I mean the standard is complimenting a girl on her new shoes...”

“We don’t wear shoes, and I sure hope Ratchet doesn’t need to replace her stabilizing servos anytime soon,” Starscream replied nonchalantly. The poor medic needed a break.

“Okay, poor example, but you know what I mean.”

“I have complimented her before,” He told her. It was true... Just quite a long time ago, and during his speech about why he had a crush on her.

“Really? What did you say?” 

Through gritted dental plates, he insisted,” Next piece of advice.” It was embarrassing, and he wasn’t going to share it with a fleshling.

Frowning at his painfully obvious dodge of conversation, Miko chose another helpful piece of advice. " 'Kay then, why don't you do something nice for her? Something romantic. Like when it's raining, holding an umbrella over the two of you! Oh, that would be so cute!" Receiving a flat glare, she put a finger to her chin and admitted," I didn't really think that one through."

"Do you have anything useful to tell me, or are you just squandering my time for the Pit of it?"

With sidelong glance, she quietly scoffed," Like you had anything better to do." Starscream growled in displeasure and she glanced back to him and sheepishly smiled. "You could always give her something thoughtful. Like flowers or-"

"I don't want to do anything that could remind her of Cliffjumper. They were lovers before," He cleared his vocalizer uncomfortably before finishing," I... offlined him..."

As if suddenly remembering that this was Starscream, who'd once killed autobots for a living, Miko took an uncertain step backwards. "Dude! You killed her boyfriend and then took his place? That's cooooold..." Her voice didn't betray the abrupt unease she felt, but her body language probably screamed it.

"It wasn't on purpose, I mean the killing was, but not for that reason!" He insisted quickly. "I do not need your opinions nor am I in need of your help," He snarled, readying to leave the female's presence. So much for Forgive and Forget.

"Oh yeah? What base have ya' got to?"

"Base? I think autobot base is a pretty fragging good base to get to in this situation," He replied, not catching the subtext of her question. This made the human bust out in laughter, only further frustrating the seeker. "What is your malfunction?"

Waving her hand dismissively, she tried to squeak out," No problem here." but was snickering too hard, tears actually coming to her eyes.

Knowing he had become the butt of a joke, but not understanding how, he crossly informed her," I have better places to be." This was a lie, but he got up to his feet to return to his personal quarters none the less.

As he left the room, Miko called after him," So are you gonna' take me for a flight tonight? Tomorrow night...?"

"You haven't helped me at all," He protested with an incredulous stare.

"But you promised."

"I never gave my word," He said with an idle shrug as he continued to trudge to his quarters. As expected, she began to follow.

"You agreed to my terms."

Growling with frustration, he grumbled," Fine. In one orn."

Shriveling her nose as the strange term, she accused," You made that word up. Seriously, when we gonna' fly?"

"I didn't make it up; ask your dear guardian. I give you my word, I'll fly with you in one orn," The seeker said, opening his chamber's door and slipping inside, quickly letting the door shut before the human could say anymore.

Standing in silent peace, Starscream grinned. While the silver mech would never admit it, he rather enjoyed the female human's company. She could get under his plating and annoy him like no other, and the cybertronian severely missed that. They inevitably bickered, and her hyper approach to life in general reminded him of Skywarp, if slightly less malicious and destructive.

~~  
~~

The two hung out in Arcee's quarters, though not curled up together on the berth like they had began to become accustomed to. Arcee was perched up on the berth, and Starscream sat on the ground at her bedside, leaning against the metal divan.

"Oh, by the way, I'll be sneaking out of base with Nakadai in one orn," Starscream notified the femme with a nonchalant air.

Arching an orbital ridge, Arcee commented," Telling me made the impossible task of not getting caught a whole lot harder." Thinking about his comment a second longer, she asked," Did you just call Miko by her name without being prompted?"

"Er, yes. It was one of the conditions. The other was taking her flying again."

"Conditions for...?"

"A-advice... It's really not important. I just wanted you to know so when everyone inevitably finds me missing and flying her about, I'm not pummeled by Bulkhead upon my return," He explained. They might think he was taking her as a hostage, or as a gift to Megatron. The seeker really wasn't in the mood for the wrecker's misinterpretation of his intentions ending his life anytime soon. "She made me promise a flight, and I supplied an orn as the wait time for it."

"Huh, I would have probably said,' Almost two weeks'. It's amazing how little time it takes for you to get accustomed to the measurements of time on a planet. I'm more inclined to say an hour than a groon, and I've been here so little compared to my whole life as a cybertronian."

"I know what you mean. When I was surveying the... erm, conquering of Gesh, I was there little more than a stellar cycle, but I would definitely refer to my time being closer to three shtlambves, a unit of theirs." He tilted his helm back as he thought back to Gesh, a relatively minor planet the decepticons had conquered for energy early on in their quest for power. "On Gesh, they had absolutely no measurement of distance; everything was measured by time at a standard speed. As you can imagine their units of time were extremely precise and ran smaller than a nano-klick to larger than a vorn, and everywhere in between."

"Sounds interesting," She commented. She noted he seemed pretty interested in the little planet of Gesh himself.

"Very intriguing at least. I probably would have been able to appreciate it more if Warp hadn't been ribbing me the whole time for being fascinated with the culture." As a scientist, he'd been interested in many subjects, but showing interest in a 'lower life form' had become unpopular among the decepticons, and Starscream had eagerly dropped his fascination of other cultures if it meant crawling the decepticon ranks quicker.

"Warp?" Arcee vaguely recognised it as being the nickname of one of Starscream's trine.

"Skywarp..." Starscream said, almost with a surprised voice. "I haven't talked about Skywarp, barring when I shared who Fallstreak was to you, in... a very long time." He hadn't talked of him, not completely because he didn't want to remember the dire fate of his brother, but because he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to utter the name freely for so long; too much guilt and depression weighing his trinemate's name down.

"Vorns?"

"... Much longer," Starscream corrected. It had to have been at least one thousand years. How in the Pit had he managed to casually bring up Warp in conversation? It felt kind of good to finally feel able to vocalize his brother's name again.

He could hear her twist around on the berth and it was followed by her arms draping around his neck in a loose hold, and their faceplates being rather close for the new norm that had been established after Megatron shot her.

Arcee could tell by how he told her it had been much longer that it wasn't a simple case of not bringing up dead mechs because it hurt too much to miss them, but also because he must've felt profusely guilty about how Skywarp offlined. She knew what it was like to lose the other two pieces of oneself; she often found herself feeling her offline sisters absence. It was a dull, excruciating agony that hung limply around what should have been happy memories or memories in the making.

Raising a servo to hers, he gratefully clasped it as he further thought of his trinemates. The guilt he felt for Skywarp's offlining was nowhere as insurmountable as the guilt he had for Thundercracker's, and he wasn't sure he could even say his blue trinemate's name in another million years.

~~  
~~

Ratchet had been right, Starscream decided only a week later. While things were nowhere near to how they had been, he already felt like a part of the autobots again, if slightly like the scrappy teammate that they let tag along out of pity. He was still restricted to staying in the base, but the restraint seemed closer to being relinquished everyday.

Starscream wasn't completely sure he wanted to be trusted like that again. What if he broke their trust again? He wouldn't be able to survive that, and he knew just how fickle he could be when presented power. Still, the seeker was anxious to be able to fly again, and he was sure in a field mission that he'd be able to prove to everyone how much he'd grown. Sure, he'd taken a detour, and the repercussions would probably haunt him for decacyles, but if their faith was slowly restoring itself, then Starscream was going to seize the chance to prove himself.

He had to do this for the team that had taken him in despite his numerous transgressions against them. He had to do this for Ratchet who had given him support and guidance, Bumblebee who was earnest in befriending him, Bulkhead who placed his trust in him (and had managed not to offline him), and Optimus Prime for continuing to believe that he could change. Most of all though, he was compelled to do what was right for Arcee.

It was a double-edged sword.

As much as he was fueled by the power of love, it hindered him.

The problem was, as the idea of love resurfaced passed the status of 'foolish idealistic sentiment', he had to think about other emotions he hadn't needed, been allowed to express, or bothered to deal with in vorns. 

Starscream glared down at his servo as he opened and closed a fist, flexing his servo so it displayed its terrific design to allow smooth punctures through a chassis. Those sharp claws gained a bluish hue in his processors as he thought of the energon they once were filled with.

Glancing up to the poppy hanging on the wall, he grimaced. Not only had this servo terminated the spark of his trinemate, but they had also brought the end to Arcee's late partner. The silver mech wondered if Arcee ever hesitated before allowing his touch, thinking of how the very servo that was affectionately holding her was the one responsible for Cliffjumper's offlining. 

Did she wonder how he had gone about killing her friend, or did she try vehemently to shove those questions to the back of her processor?

The dark thoughts were dropped as he heard his door chirping to request entry. Arcee's voice wasn't far behind," Hey, I just got back from picking Jack up from school." She was asking if he wanted to hang out. The blue femme never outwardly asked if he wanted her company, probably because she was too proud to admit she wanted his company.

Standing up from the berth he was perched on, he walked over and manually opened the door. Before Starscream could get in a word, his helm was being seized and pulled towards hers into a passionate kiss. When she pulled away, he still couldn't say a word, too confused as to what just happened. His blank stare pretty much summed up his thoughts though. That was the very first kiss they'd shared since the incident. 

"I'm sick of hating you and being all distant, so just promise me you won't do anything stupid, okay?"

He nodded before adding," Of course! I deeply regret all that has happened because of-" 

Stroking his wing briefly, she suggested," Shut up." Her opposable digit danced across his inner wing. 

For some reason, she had his full and willing compliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author Notes 8/2/12***
> 
> FINALLY.
> 
> I got the chapter together. I've been writing so much for this story, but it was all for future chapters, and I just couldn't for the life of me catch up with myself! :|
> 
> Still haven't fully caught up, but at least I got the present rolling again ^^; Hope you're enjoying the fanfic so far!
> 
> Yeah, as for mood whiplashes, your neck may get sore from the surplus of them... :3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dark, and it's subject material is suggestive and outright horrific. I'm well aware that not all my readers will appreciate the contents of this chapter (warning, it contains nonconsensual slash), and I'll have a summary in the author's notes below so that this chapter can be skipped without you missing out on the story progression.

As Arcee was walking through the halls, she saw Starscream busy at work coding on a console. He didn't hear her yet she realized, and with light steps, she made it behind him and reached for his wings.

His wings tensed, beneath her digits, and Arcee retracted her servo from the taut sinews of his back. She’d meant to give a pleasant surprise, but from how erect and on edge he suddenly was, she highly doubted she succeeded. “Starscream...?”

“Pl-please,” He paused then tried again, hoping his voice wouldn’t be as hoarse and high-pictched,” Please don’t approach me from behind...” His servos clenched onto the console he’d been working at, leaving small indent. Shuttering his optics, he tried to chase away unwanted memories with thoughts of the wonderful femme behind him.

Confused, Arcee mumbled,” Sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“N-no, it’s fine,” He quickly assured the blue femme, turning around to face her, he attempted to smile. All that came was a grimace, and he apologised,” I’m sorry, I just don’t like being touched without my knowledge.”

There was obviously more, Arcee could see right through his meager excuse. It was almost like he was momentarily _terrified_. Making a slow reach for his arm so she could gauge if the contact was alright, she stroked it comfortingly and asked,” What is it? I know there’s more. You can tell me anything.”

He shied away and averted his gaze. “You really don’t want to know.”

“Please, I want to help you, but if I don’t know what’s wrong...” His expression looked so broken, and his voice was so soft and pleading, Arcee’s spark ached.

He shook his helm slowly, almost in denial, and fervently whispered,” I don’t want to tell you. You don’t want you to know. It’s shameful, it’s _sick_ a-and _wrong_. Please don’t ask me to tell you. Please don’t, please.”

“Alright, I won’t ask,” She promised, bringing him into a hug which he uncertainly accepted. “But you can tell me if you ever feel ready,” She added softly. His servos curling around her slender frame tightened, and he hummed in acknowledgement.

~~  
~~

“Did Starscream seem flustered today, or was it just me?” Bulkhead casually asked as he lifted a heavy object out of their way. Ratchet decided that he and Arcee had nothing better to do, and that they should take inventory of what was laying around in the storage rooms.

“When did you see him last?”

Turning to Arcee, Bulkhead answered,” About an hour ago.”

“Still? That was six hours ago!” Realizing that this earned her a confused glance, she explained,” I don’t know what I did wrong, but I upset him earlier. He wouldn’t tell me what was amiss.”

“Nothing wrong with being a little mysterious and moody I guess, but six hours seems a little extreme,” Bulkhead said, grunting as he lifted another heavy piece of metal. “Ugh, this place is a mess. Did we just shove all the scraplet devoured stuff back here?”

“Now that you mention it, I can’t remember what we did with all the scrap the scraplets made.” Seeing nothing of value in the smaller storage room, she offered,” What do you say we just write this room off as a scrapheap and go to the next one?”

“Agreed, I haven’t seen a single useful thing in here yet.”

As they made their way to the adjacent store room, Arcee sighed and said,” I should probably talk to him.”

“You do that, I can take care of this myself,” Bulkhead said with a warm laugh and cordial handwave,” I can finish up no problem.”

“You sure, Bulk?”

“Think nothing of it.”

With a smile, Arcee handed him the console pad to make notes in and said,” Thanks, I owe ya’ one.”

~~  
~~

“You’ve come to talk to me about earlier, yes?” Starscream guessed darkly as he allowed the femme into his quarters. His morose tone of voice reflected exactly how enthusiastic he was to share what it was all about; he’d rather fight off a couple dozen scraplets. 

His chambers were dimly lit and Arcee’s optics had to adjust to see her sullen lover. Trying to pick up what she should say, she uncertainly glanced around her surroundings, still only finding the single poppy as the only decoration. “Well, I came to say sorry first. I honestly have no clue what I did wrong.”

Raising a servo to dismiss her statement, he muttered,” You did nothing wrong.” The seeker crossed his servos behind his back and turned away from her. How did he explain without going into too much horrific detail? Shuttering his optics and letting his wings droop, he ambivalently began,” Just a sour past coming back biting. That seems to be one of my potent qualities; the past has _always_ had a way of punishing me for vorns to come.”

“When I was only a sparkling, my sisters and I were inseparable. In fact, that never changed, until the war began. We all had different approaches to coping with it. I had already been a spy on Kaon, so I was ready for it, but Chromia toughened so much, it was like losing a sister. Elita One saddled on as many risks as possible to gain respect and kind of... I don’t know, prove herself as a leader. All three of us were severed from each other physically and emotionally. When we finally regrouped on Earth a few years ago, I was beyond joyed, but it wasn’t the same. We still loved and cared about each other, but... It was spark wrenching to see them taken from me again. Taken for good,” Arcee finished softly, letting her cold mask leave her always guarded self. “I’ve told you something personal, now you owe me,” She said, thinking back to the night they had first really shared any history of themselves with each other.

“I didn’t ask you to,” He hissed, turning to glare at her. Holding his servos in front of himself, each tightening into shaking fists, he continued vitriolically,“ I’m not talking of the war starting, or my trinemates offlining. Not even the cybonic plague compares!” Seeing her step back and into a defensive stance, he tried to calm himself down and mumbled,” You don’t understand.”

“ _Make_ me understand!”

Gritting his dental plates and staring at her with a hurt and angry expression, he yielded and said,” You have to promise me.”

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me you won’t... th-think of me differently... _look_ at me differently...”

Stepping forward and clasping his still shaking fists, she gazed into his optics solemnly and promised,” Of course, I promise.”

“Say the whole promise,” He uneasily asked of her, averting his gaze and finding himself unable to return it.

“I promise I won’t think of you differently, _or_ look at you differently.”

“Very well,” He murmured to himself and brought her to the berth they had supplied for him while he had no T-Cog. He sat down, and she followed suit, but he distanced himself from her, only keeping their weak hold on each other’s servos for contact.

Arcee waited patiently as he gazed at the floor with unfocused optics, soothingly rubbing circles on his servo with her opposable digit. She couldn’t fathom what could be _so_ tragic that it beat the cybonic plague, which she also knew to be the death of his close friend Fallstreak, and the loss of his trinemates.

“My blind ambition could be the only excuse as to why I suffered through Second in Command of Megatron for so long,” He commenced dourly,” Early on, when he requested my services, I had been Air Commander of the Energon Seekers, and while the idea of Lieutenant Commander seemed rather dull, the chance to lead a much larger and more organized army had its appeal... Any ways, I knew he planned to disband us Energon Seekers one way or another, through violent force if need be.

“Lieutenant Commander is a terrible position. Anyone fails, and you’re their superior to be punished, if the _’glorious’_ and _’infallible’_ Lord Megatron failed, not only was it because of your ‘advice’ despite not being present, he was in an even _worse_ mood...

“I-it started out as beatings. Personal time in his torture chambers as... ah, _training_... He was a fragging gladiator, I a simple seeker proficient at leading small groups in finding energon. It was a curb stomp battle if I was lucky. I wasn’t given the opportunity to improve any skills either, for who can learn to defend themselves when they’ve already scrapped so badly they’re just an immobile target?!

“He grew tired of only humiliating me through pain and recovery in the medbay as the meta-cycles wore on... And...” He broke off to let his gaze focus on Arcee. Her optics were locked in on their servos, the femme still rubbing invisible circles on his palm. “A-and...” His voice was shrill and hoarse again, and he tried to force his vocalizer to remain smooth and deep.

“And he moved on. He still broke me down physically, so I couldn’t resist him. While I was barely conscious he would start- You promise me you won’t...?”

“I won’t think differently of you, I won’t look at you differently, I _promise_ ,” She assured him softly but firmly.

“The first time, he only let his servos rub up and down me, searching and pressing the nodes he found. S-so forcefully it only hurt. It hurt so bad, but I couldn’t help but...” Shaking his helm, Starscream mumbled something indecipherable before continuing,” and it stopped. He didn’t request my... ‘services’ as he phrased it, for almost half a meta-cycle. 

“I was ashamed; I hadn’t been able to push him away, and no amount of screaming had stopped him, but I was relieved. Skywarp and Thundercracker hadn’t even taunted me about it as they had usually about my previous embarrassing sessions when I would come away from Megatron barely functioning. I was so relieved everything had stopped, so relieved...

“Then... I-I was forced into... d-discarding my own trinemates...” He paused painfully, letting his gaze swing back to Arcee who had one silent tear roll down her cheek. “It became standard procedure for Megatron on a bad day to come up behind me during what ever I was doing, and pull me away by the wings, contorting the sensitive metal beneath his servos, and, well... I’m sure you can imagine what came next...

“The sick and twisted part, was he would convince me it was all my fault, and that I deserved it. That I practically begged for it and _needed_ it. After vorns of having been frequently beaten senseless by the mech, I came to believe him. I wanted to prove to him that I wasn’t useless, for him to appreciate me, and... At the same time I just wanted him dead for all he had done to me and my trine...” 

He had almost begun to want Megatron to love him so it wouldn’t all hurt so much, and had begun feeling that every time his master didn’t offline him like he promised, that it was a sign he didn’t hate Starscream, that he did truly love him. The problem with his old master was that, he could be kind and caring when he wanted to; while rare, it came off as so genuine. 

Perhaps that was how Megatron had truly felt. Starscream would never know; by the time he knew the mech, the once proud gladiator had become too twisted. That wasn’t to say Starscream hadn’t been twisted and abused into a psychological mess. For many vorns he had attempted to win Megatron’s affections in the hopes Megatron would finally be pleased with the Lieutenant Commander he had personally chose and would finally quit the abuse.

The curious love dynamic that had plagued most of his attempts to overthrow his old master shamed Starscream, and he couldn’t bring himself to admit that one had ever existed.

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, raising her optics to his own.

“You promised, you promised me you wouldn’t-”

“I’m not looking at you differently, I’m just sad,” she insisted, trying to keep her voice from warbling. “Primus,” She whispered as he brought one servo to her mouth. “I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry to have burdened you...” 

“No, I’m glad you told me,” She said, shaking her helm. “I meant it when I said you could tell me anything.” Clearing the distance he had made between them, she enveloped him in a crushing embrace. Never had a returned hug felt so grateful.

~~  
~~

_Starscream shrieked, both in ecstasy and excruciating pain. “Pl-please, stop! Please, I will never-”_

_“Betray me again,” Megatron finished, his lip curling in a smirk. His claws ripped through Starscream in more ways than one, and while one servo deftly punctured his precious seeker’s wing, the other tugged on vital cords in the abdomen._

_“Please,” Starscream wailed, trying to squirm away from the pain, only to feel the cords pulled through his abdominal casing drawn taut, and stopped to remain lifelessly still. “I am your humble servant. I listen to your every command and follow them in hopes of bringing you glory and-” he choked on sounds of pain._

_“Enough of your worthless grovelling,” Megatron commanded._

_“Y-yes, my lord,” Starscream squeaked before crying out in another wave of dreadfully unwanted rapture._

_“You think I’m cruel, but who lost Skyfire, never to find him again?”_

_“I-I did, my lord.”_

_“Who let Skywarp offline at the servos of the autobots?”_

_“Me, my lord,” Starscream whimpered, trying conceal the coolant that was gathering in his optics._

_“Who offlined Thundercracker?”_

_“It w-was me, my lord...” It wasn’t fair! Megatron had sent Thundercracker to kill him; he had to defend himself, and in the act of doing so, had stabbed him dead. His tears could no longer be kept to himself, and he grunted in pain as Megatron tugged on the cords that were held outside of his chassis._

_“My dear Starscream, who lead the science experiment that offlined our tragically missed Fallstreak in a terrible, horrifically painful way?” When he saw the seeker turn and look away, shuttering his optics, he growled while clenching the other’s chin with his servo, and wrenched the mech’s helm to look straight at him. “Well, Starscream?”_

_“_ Me _! It’s all me, my lord. They’re all offline because of me. Please forgive me for losing such fine seekers who served the decepticons well-” His whole body was bashed against the floor, and Megatron finally let go. Curling up against the corner, he trembled and tried to cover himself the best he could with only one functioning arm._

_“I’m saving you from yourself, Starscream. You offline everyone you care about.”_

__Then I have nothing to fear for my own life, and you’d already be offline _, Starscream thought as he blearily gazed up at his tormenter._

_“You know I would never let anyone harm you, don’t you? I would offline anyone who tried to harm you,” Megatron cooed as he kneeled down beside Starscream and tenderly rubbed his dear seeker’s injured wings._

_“I know, my lord.”_

_Gingerly lifting his Second in Commands chin, which was slightly ridiculous since energon was spilled everywhere and there was no point in gentleness now, he smirked and leaned in for a ruthless kiss._

_Starscream shuttered his optics and tried to keep his tears to himself as he reciprocated the tender kiss, the other mech's sharp dental plating tearing past his lips._

_Agony roiled through his bearings, how utterly broken down his chassis and inner workings were was appalling. Despite this, Starscream unshuttered his optics and looked into the merciless gaze of his master and could swear he saw affection there. If Megatron wanted him offline, he'd already have offlined him, right?_

_That meant he chose to keep him online!_

_Chose to keep him online because he loved him._

_The mighty Lord of the Decepticons and former gladiator, Megatron, cared for him? "I'm not worthy of your affection," Starscream hissed in pain as Megatron broke the kiss. Sparks of anguish shocked him into whimpering as his wing was grabbed too tightly._

_"I'm so sorry-"_

_"Be quiet, Starscream," Megatron commanded, his servo digging into Starscream's open abdomen to find a usually inaccessible node. "If I only gave my love to those who were worthy, I would be a very lonely mech. I've given myself to you because I want to." This proclamation was followed by throes of rapture coupled with insurmountable pain._

_"Please..." Starscream whined in between moans. It hurt too much. Megatron not being a natural seeker had never been more obvious. Seekers didn't hold other's wings like that. It didn't feel good, it just hurt-_

_His crimson optics met the other's and Starscream gritted his dental plates as he tried not to wail at the incessant pangs of excruciating agony. Megatron knew._

_His master was fully aware just how much this hurt._

_And he was enjoying every cycle of it._

~~  
~~

Starscream startled awake in his quarters, his jet form partially transforming before returning to full jet mode, almost like a bird ruffling its feathers.

"Starscream?"

He nearly jumped out of his plating as he realized Arcee was sitting against the wall to his right. "Wh-what are you doing here?!" The seeker was even more uncomfortable as he thought of her comment from long ago of him talking during recharge. What if he had said anything...? Dread filled his circuits.

"Remember? You asked me to stay with you tonight."

He had...? Right... He had. After admitting his every last embarrassing and traumatizing detail of his life to her, he'd implored her to spend the night as moral support. Unfortunately, as he thought back to the scene, he hadn't asked it much better than that either. 

Wonderful.

This was just like five kinds of embarrassing, uncomfortable, and so much more.

"Well, I should be fine now," He quickly informed her, that being probably the farthest from the truth as possible. "Er, thank you."

"Are you sure?" She asked as she got to her feet. She didn't believe it for a cycle.

"I'm positive, you've been a wonderful help, now please, leave me," he fluidly and hurriedly responded.

Crossing her servos and making a 'hmmpf' sound, she dryly said," And goodnight to you, too." She spent the last few hours sitting there and being his 'moral support' and she gets rushed out like an unwanted guest?

Casting a gloomy glance to the floor, she admitted to herself that if she had a memory cycle of her sisters dying, she'd probably act much the same way. She wouldn't want another to see her in a moment of weakness, and he had already exposed himself so much that day. 

Without another word from either bot, the femme left the mech to his lonesome and the mech tried desperately to think of anything else but his old master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author's Note 8/7/2012***
> 
> ;.; Primus... What have I done...? I'm sorry! :C But what he's been through had to be examined! This is my actual head canon for the Prime universe, so any flames in the comment section will be ignored. Please don't hate me. The next chapter will be out as soon as possible, I promise!
> 
> Chapter Synopsis:  
> Arcee approaches Starscream from behind and evokes a reaction of what could almost be described as fear. When asked what's wrong, he protests that Arcee doesn't want to hear it, and that it's sick and wrong. She promises not to inquire further, but let's him know that she'll listen if he ever wants to tell.
> 
> Later, Arcee and Bulkhead are working together to sort and list what's in some of the back storage rooms that have kind of been abandoned. Bulkhead asks Arcee if she noticed Starscream seemed a little flustered when he last spoke to him. She finds out that six hours later, Starscream still is disconcerted from what happened, and decides she should talk to him. Bulkhead tells her that he can take care of the rest of the work and she thanks him before leaving to talk to the seeker.
> 
> Starscream darkly greets her as she comes to his personal quarters and he assures her that she did nothing wrong, it's just his past biting him. Arcee remembers back to the night that he had lowered autobot communications barrier and they exchanged depressing back stories, and proceeds to share how the war changed her sisters and how when she finally got to see them again, they were stolen from her by death. Insisting that he now has to share something personal, he snaps that he didn't ask her to and that she doesn't understand.
> 
> She asks him to make her understand, and he relents and agrees to tell her, but only under the condition that she doesn't look at or think of him differently. He explains how being Lieutenant Commander is a terrible position because no matter who fails Megtron (including the mech himself) he is always at fault and was throughly beat for it.
> 
> He says that as time wore on, Megatron grew bored with humiliating Starscream through pain and while he still would break him down physically, moved on to rape.
> 
> During one of Starscream's missions, his team was attacked by Omega Supreame (this being their first encounter with the autobot super weapon) and almost all of his attack force was wiped out in the battle, including his brother Skywarp.
> 
> It became commonplace for Megatron to pull him away from whatever he was doing by pulling his wings and engaging the seeker in unwanted actions. He notes that Megatron would convince him that this was his fault and that after vorns of dealing with it, he'd come to believe him. 
> 
> Pretty soon after that, Megatron sent Thundercracker to kill Starscream, and the mech knew that if they both returned, they'd both be terminated, so in hopes of proving Starscream's worthiness, ran himself through Starscream's servo.
> 
> Starscream looks back to Arcee and insists that she promised she wouldn't look at him differently, and she assures him she's not, she's just sad.
> 
> In a memory cycle, Starscrem relives a day of his life set sometime after losing Skyfire and the death of Skywarp, Thundercracker, and Fallstreak. Megatron is in the process of beating him down and generally messing Starscream's mind and physically/sexually abusing him.
> 
> Starscream wakes up to Arcee sitting in his quarters and embarrassedly asks what she's doing there. She reminds him that he asked her to stay, and he remembers with even more embarrassment. Humiliated, he brusquely asks her to leave. She takes offense, but acknowledges that if she had a memory cycle of her sisters offlining, then she wouldn't want another to witness her in her moment of weakness either and leaves with nothing to say.


	20. Chapter 20

_Thundercracker?! What was his trinemate doing here?_

_“Starscream, I’ve been sent to terminate you, and I’m afraid my allegiance is with Megatron,” The blue mech bellowed for any potentially eavesdropping audio receptors. The cybertronian jet made a thunderous boom as he passed over his brother._

_Sensors disoriented, Starscream glared incredulously up at his trinemate. “What is the meaning of this, Thundercraker?” He noticed that while his sensors were buzzing with false information, the sonic strike had not been nearly as accurate or intense as it should have been. Thundercracker was a pro with his specialized move, Starscream shouldn’t still be able to clearly make out the approaching jet._

_There was an approaching jet... It was blue and coming right for him... Thundercracker!_

_He’d momentarily forgotten his brother was trying to snuff his spark._

_Leaping out of the way with an assist from his thrusters, Starscream aimed his missiles at his brother. He couldn’t bring himself to make a clean shot, and flinched at the last second of firing so he ended up barely nicking the upper wing of his trinemate._

_Spinning into robot form and landing directly in front of Starscream, Thundercracker urgently whispered,” This has to be done. If one of us isn’t offlined by the end of this fight, he’ll have both of our sparks.”_

_Terror entered Starscream’s mien and he despondently asked,” How could you expect...?! We’re trinemates!!” With Skywarp gone, they needed each other even more than ever._

_“You better succeed in taking down Megatron. That jerkaft is why we’re not complete anymore. I’m sorry, Starscream.”_

_Starscream braced himself for the finishing blow. Then his processors spun. “Wh-what do you mean_ I _better take him down if you’re going to offline... m-me?” With horror he felt his claws slicing through all of his brother’s vital components._

_Energon sprayed in his faceplate and and his claw tips could be seen on the other side of his trinemate’s chassis. “Wh-why? TC! Why?! Thundercracker...”_

_Bright blue liquid bubbling out of his mouth, Thundercracker smiled and collapsed into his trinemate’s servos, helm resting against Starscream’s shoulder plate and spilling energon into Starscream’s chest cavity._

_“Slaggit, Thundercracker!” Withdrawing his energon ladened servo, he grabbed both of his dying brother’s arms and shook him. “You can’t leave_ me _alone! You glitch! You fragging selfish glitch!” His desperate scream fell upon deaf audio receptors, and he sunk to the ground and drew the offline mech into a tight embrace. Thundercracker should have taken his brother’s life, not his own. Starscream didn’t want to live without his trinemates. It was too empty._

_Looking into dimmed red optics that didn’t even reflect all that Thundercracker stood for and believed, Starscream shrieked,” I will_ OFFLINE _you, Megatron! I swear it upon my fallen trinemates, I will offline you so slowly, all you will think you’ve ever known is pain!”_

~~  
~~

“I need to fly,” He informed Arcee on his way for the silo’s entrance.

“What? You’re not allowed to leave base.” She abandoned her original destination, and began following Starscream down the halls. The femme wasn’t about to let him do anything more stupid to get himself in even deeper scrap.

“I don’t care. I need to fly.”

Grabbing his arm, she gasped in surprise as he jerked away without a second thought and continued to stalk forwards to the easiest exit.

“Slaggit, Starscream! Stop right there and tell me what is so fragging important you’re willing to forget about us?”

“I _KILLED_ him!”

Arcee stopped walking and her expression froze in surprise. “C-Cliff...?”

“Thundercracker!” He cried out, and followed up with,” And for as useless as I was in his joor of need, Skywarp too! They’re offline because of me, and I need to fly.” His feet slowed to a stop and his wings drooped. Averting his gaze and trying to hide his expression, Starscream whimpered,” Just let me fly.”

The tragic conversation they had shared blared through the femme’s processors,’ _As if he hadn’t done enough, he then forced me into... d-discarding my own trinemates.._ ’ and she gazed at the floor in empathetic agony. Losing two thirds of oneself, and in such a tragic way... With a pained nod, she murmured,” Okay. Just be back soon.”

Looking back with impassive optics, the silver mech nodded in gratitude and continued his agonizing trudge for flight.

~~  
~~

Arcee sat in the main room, waiting impatiently but composed for the return of Starscream. It had already been six hours, and she was beginning to fear that Starscream wouldn't make good on her request. Her spark skipped a pulse as her audio receptors picked up his transformation just outside of the base. Soon his thin frame was walking in and his orbital ridges displayed confusion at her eager waiting for him.

"To what do I owe this warm reception?" He asked as she quickly closed the distance between them.

"Primus, Starscream, I thought you weren't coming back! I was already in enough trouble for letting you leave."

"Your faith in me is overwhelming," He said with a deadpan expression.

Servos on hips, she bit back," Because you've done so much to earn it."

With a sheepish chuckle, he agreed," My track record isn't exactly shining, is it?"

Arcee took a second to glare at him then sighed and asked," Do you feel better?"

Starscream averted his gaze as his wings drooped slightly. "I... I'll be fine," He assured her.

"We both know that's not exactly true," She said, letting a servo rest over her spark. "It's impossible to forget a fallen friend or trinemate." While she and her sisters had never referred to themselves as such, that was essentially what they were. A trine was a whole thing composed of three parts.

With a pained expression, Starscream nodded. She of course meant her sisters, but maybe even more obviously meant Cliffjumper. "We both do, don't we?" She had lost the previously thought of mech and her first partner, Tailgate. He'd lost Fallstreak and his trine. They both were abnormally and tragically gifted at losing those they cared about most.

"A little too well," She mumbled before shaking her helm and saying," You're going to need to speak to Optimus. Apparently you're little fly over of Earth caused a political conflict; You managed to fly right over a neutral country's military base and they are not happy. They're blaming China and Russia."

Flatly scowling, he said," You can't be serious."

"Fowler's cleaning it up right now," She informed him," Luckily, they didn't catch any solid evidence, but it still created a stir in the news."

"Just my luck," He muttered.

"Could have been worse," She said almost to herself, thinking of what had been running through her processors not minutes earlier. Her relief that he'd come back at all was overwhelming; it was hard to conceal. She wasn't one to be quick to jump to conclusions, but after having shutting Starscream down as an autobot, she was mildly afraid he'd seek power elsewhere and she'd given him the chance to do so. The looming thought that she'd lose yet another mech she cared about...

Scrutinizing her, he hesitated, then said," You know I won't leave you, don't you?" It was nearly a desperate question, asked in deep voice as if to expound how deep the question hit his spark.

"You better not," She said through gritted dental plates, propping a servo on her hip and feigning anger. "It'd be the last mistake you ever made."

Gazing down at the floor, he thought over her statement. He wouldn't be able to live through screwing up his last chance for happiness. "I promise you, it would be." Looking up as she crossed her servos crossly, he asked flatly,” What now?”

"I told you not to do that! Remember?! Stop being so truthful when you say stuff like that." Pulling him into a kiss, she muttered softly," I'm trying to hate you here."

"I'm glad one of us is failing." He expected a smack, but she just looked up at him with sad optics.

Arcee walked away from his grasp and put some distance between them. Turning slightly to make optic-contact, she said," Like I was saying before, you should talk to Optimus."

Starscream internally cursed his choice of wording and nodded. "I guess I'll go do that now." He didn't get a response and sighed as he left to talk to their leader.

As he left her, he realized what he wanted. 

_Who cares about us if I can't trust you'll be a faithful autobot? Our team comes first!_ If he... He could... The seeker had been working on _that project_ for quite a while...

With a new reason to see Optimus, he quickened his pace. 

~~  
~~

"Prime," Starscream called, entering the room that held the autobot leader and him alone. "I wish to propose a plan."

Optimus stopped what he was doing and turned to give the other his undivided attention. "Yes, Starscream? What is this plan of yours?"

Starscream was a little surprised it went so easily. Apparently Optimus had been meaning to talk to him about his absence, but he seemed just fine with talking about the seeker's own topic. The silver mech decided he might as well forge on, and came to a personable distance between them before stopping his bold walk.

The seeker's wings sunk a little before he opened with," Due to my previous lifestyle, and er- recent events, it really wouldn't be that out of character for me to switch sides, and I think we could use that to our advantage." Looking up to his relatively new leader's eyes, he saw no anger and felt a little more confident and continued," If during the battle, I would have the chance to bring you injured to Megatron, he would be pleased enough with the reward to let me join him again. To ensure your safety- well, relative safety, I would request to hand you over to regain my post of second in command, but with the... treat of torturing you... first before Megatron got his servos on you... While on the Nemesis, I would go as if to torture you but instead free you and have you hold off Megatron while I took care of this." The silver bot held out his servo that held a small disc, only about as big as Starscream's palm and explained," It's a virus that I've been working on since leaving the decepticons. Originally, I only intended it to get revenge on Megatron, but now I wish to put it to your, to... our purpose."

Optimus Prime had patiently allowed the other to brief him on the whole strategy before saying," Starscream, there is one thing wrong in what you have said. While in your character earlier in your life, even very recently, I do not believe you to be traitorous anymore. While the other autobots may not have had the chance to see it yet, I trust you to have turned a new leaf and grown as a better mech. I have full confidence in your trustworthiness. While you still may have your faults, so does every mech and femme that ever has experienced life." Placing a large hand on his latest recruit's shoulder, he added," I am proud to say you are an autobot."

"Wha- what, I d-didn't..." Starscream stared up into Prime's truthful, blue optics and tried to construct something to say. He'd never expected those words, or anything like them. He was proud? Starscream averted his gaze and felt his air intakes work a little harder to keep his systems at a level temperature. The heavy servo should have weighed him down, but he felt lighter than he could ever remember.

"This seems a little far fetched; however, are you sure it would work?" He retracted his arm and went back to typing something into the main computer. His battle weary mind already calculated how many ways it could go right, or dreadfully wrong.

Starscream immediately formulated defensive words to guard his plan, but found nothing accusing in how Optimus asked and simply expounded," One learns how his master of four million meta-cycles will react. If you can get us separated from the others and close enough to Megatron, I assure you. It will work. I will pretend to know and exploit your weak spots, something only learned through a trustful cooperation, and 'gift' you to Megatron. He will be thrilled.

“Once we part and you engage Megatron in a fight, take it outside as soon as possible. The virus will explode the Nemesis, and you don't want to be inside when it does."

"And what of you?"

"I'll know when it's activated, I'll know when to escape. Megatron has a fairly large flying mod, you should have no problem catching a lift from him once there is no longer a ship beneath your feet. Just keep your fight melee if possible so you're ready."

Shifting his chest plate out of the way to make a compartment between it and his side armour, Starscream secured the disc for safe keeping and asked," Are we to go through with this plan?"

"You do not wish to advise the other team members? Their knowledge of the ruse would greatly assist in separat-"

"And give Megatron too many liars to read. He'd catch on in a spark pulse."

"Very well," The Prime agreed. "I await the plan in action, we will enact it the very first opportunity we get. Be ready."

"Oh, I'm always ready," He assured the mech, before lightly bowing to take leave. Feeling he was properly excused before his leader, the mech went to find Miko, and tell her their planned flight was tonight. It hadn't been an orn yet, but with his plan in action, he wanted to fulfil the promise as early as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Origianl Author's Note 12/6/2012***  
> I finally got the next chapter out, sorry for the four month hiatus u.u; Good news is, with another short break (this time hopefully only three or four weeks) I should be a little less stressed and over worked. I should actually have a few hours in the day to do other things than work and school :dance:
> 
> I just hope that the wait hasn't overinflated how EPIC this chapter would be... because it's really just a connector to the next chapter that will be much more dramatic and filled with action. 
> 
> I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for pulling out the TC memory, it tugged my chordae tendineae too...
> 
> This is submitted on the last day of my childhood. Tomorrow (which, now looking at the clock, I realize is in less than 45 mins.... u.u; ) is my birthday, and I turn 18. Whoo!
> 
> ***2/1/2016***  
> Guess that four month hiatus wasn't so bad in retrospect *cough*sorry-about-the-three-year-hiatus*cough*


	21. Chapter 21

Heavy gunfire lit up the air as the autobots found themselves surrounded by not only vehicons, but Dreadwing and Megatron as well. Starscream locked optics with Optimus Prime, and both knew the plan was on. Racing forward together, they left the group and headed straight for Megatron, who prepared a shot from his cannon at their approach.

Once they were satisfyingly apart from the rest of the autobots, Starscream lunged to his side and struck some random parts of Prime, trying not to laugh at how the other tumbled to his knees from hits that literally did no damage. The semi was a gifted thespian. “Lord Megatron, I present you Optimus Prime, leader of the accursed Autobots,” Starscream cried out, ‘securing’ his ‘catch’.

The seeker could hear sounds of disbelief from his, dare he say friends, behind him and glanced back. All of their expressions held disbelief and anger, but Arcee caught his optics the most. She looked utterly broken and thoroughly furious at what appeared to be his second betrayal. He turned back to Megatron, plastering on the most self-proud expression he could, as he bowed his head.

“I have conditions, or course, master, but you couldn’t ask for a more rewarding present!”

“Starscream, you never cease to amaze me with how fickle your loyalty is,” Megatron laughed before requesting a ground bridge. He didn’t want to waste time with securing the hostage, so giving up this fight to the vehicons, even when they would surely fail, was a consequence he was willing to take. “Dreadwing, assist our ally Starscream on hauling Prime to the Nemesis.”

“Starscream, we trusted you...! How...?”

Optimus’s words almost caught Starscream off guard, but the seeker easily spun,” How could you really be fooled by my plot of joining you? All I wanted was power, and I knew that you wrapped up in a bow would be a good first step to reclaiming it.”

“How could you do this to us?” Bulkhead called angrily.

Starscream painfully cried out,” With pleasure!” as he hefted Prime through the green portal with Dreadwing. He had known that the others would hate him, and hadn’t been foolish enough to believe it wouldn’t hurt... but the words cut him deeper than any sabre ever could.

As he was pulling his comrade onto the Nemesis, Megatron joined them through the ground bridge before it cut out.

“I believe I have a pretty good idea of your demands, and I’m willing to accommodate the application for second in command,” Megatron said,” but you better be careful what else you ask for after the treachery you have wreaked upon our side.”

With a bow, Starscream said,” Why, master, the only other thing I request is one hour of torturing this jerkaft before you get your servos on him. You would not believe the humiliation he let me suffer as I infiltrated the autobots.”

With a thoughtful grin, Megatron said,” I’ll give you half an hour at the most. I want him fresh for my turn.” He would humor the traitorous wretch for this one request, but only because he didn’t plan on letting Starscream live past today. The seeker had crossed him one too many times, and he didn’t intend to let him get away with that. He would pay with his spark, but Megatron would afford him the luxury of one last gift since Starscream had given him such a nice one.

“Your kindness is too much, master.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

He watched the leader of the decepticons stalk off. "Neither would I," Starscream whispered with a hint of a sadistic smirk. Finally he would have his revenge, but his smile fell as he realized the revenge didn't matter anymore. Optimus laid there, trying to seem as useless as possible, and Starscream grabbed the forearm and twisted it behind his back and lifted up so he could walk him to a room. Remembering to keep up appearances, he growled," C'mon Prime, I haven't all day.”

Dreadwing followed as the pair began to walk along with the pair on their way to the torturing chamber and commented,” He seems too compliant.”

“I crippled his systems. The mech was a fool to confide his sensitive areas,” Starscream said, trying to add a convincing snicker. He was actually pretty pleased with his laugh, which boosted his confidence in his acting. “But he’s probably planning something, so keep a close eye on him.”

“Of course.”

The two walked Optimus Prime through the Nemesis, and Starscream was glad that Dreadwing kept silence and went along with his recently received power. That made this whole procedure so much easier. When they reached the torture chambers, Starscream turned to the decepticon and smirked, asking,” Could you ask Knock Out to start setting up for his newest patient? When I’m done with him, he may need critical care if he’s to be played with by Megatron.”

A deep scowl tore through Dreadwing’s expression at being asked to do something so menial, but he merely asked,” Do you really think it wise to leave only yourself with Optimus Prime?”

“Oh, I’m not concerned.”

With a nod, he departed, willing to follow this traitor only because Megatron decreed it and he would follow his master’s every command. Starscream led his partner into the chamber and whispered low,” Soundwave won’t be listening if Megatron doesn’t suspect me.” Saying those words were hard to say with a serious tone. After all, it was that eavesdropping jerkaft that had caused so very many problems for Starscream in his pursuit of power. However, if Soundwave believed what he said, it would be helpful to throw Megatron off his game. He stared directly into Prime’s optics, passing along exactly what his internal monologue had confirmed. The other knew exactly what he planned, so he began feeding the false plan,“ I need you to head to Megatron’s quarters while I head to the bridge. You ready?”

“Yes, I believe only them having many guards stationed on the bridge could hinder our strategy.”

The seeker’s optics lit up with amusement at the other playing right along with. “Alright, I think it’s time we go.”

Opening the door, he took off for his duty, leaving the Prime to his own devices. All he needed to do was distract Megatron, and the silver bot was sure his leader could manage the task. He headed for a main terminal and opened his side to attain the very important disc. Pressing a few indentations, it unfolded into spiked hardware that contained numerous cables that could plug to the computer. Knowing time was of the essence, he immediately started maneuvering through security and trying to open his program he’d carefully constructed with the Nemesis in mind.

“What are you-”

Starscream turned his head and shot down the vehicon before it had the time to discern he was an enemy. He couldn’t waste time. As he typed the required sequences, many things rushed through his central processor, among them, the poem by Langston Hughes that Arcee’s human had to analyze so long ago. “ _What happens to a dream deferred?_ ” The seeker whispered to himself, looking around.

“ _Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?_ ” He had tried so long, put so much effort towards becoming the leader of the decepticons. Was it all worth it? With a dry chuckle, he whispered,” Wonderful, I’m reciting _human poetry_ now...” What choice words would Airachnid have for that?

Still, the mech felt compelled and continued,“ _Or fester like a sore-- and then run?_ ” He had suffered so much pain because of his insatiable lust for power and willingness to do anything to achieve it, and now he was going to throw everything away for the autobots. 

“ _Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?_ ” His claws continued inputting data and clearing codes. In order for this to work, it had to manually be set into motion. He couldn’t save himself, but he’d be able to take out the Decepticon’s base. Maybe that could make up for everything he’d done, redeem himself slightly.

His wings drooped as he thought over his life and wondered if anyone would truly miss him. Would Arcee? “Maybe it just sags like a heavy load,” He said in a louder register, feeling dreadfully cold at seeing the screen light up with his virus at work. 

Arcee had told him that day when he suffered Airachnid’s wrath that he wasn’t allowed to die, and she’d seemed to truly be upset as he faded out. She had laid beside him through the night he awoke, and had confided that she had feelings for him-- but after all he had done, would his passing really leave that big of an impact?

With the final sequence completely typed in, Starscream finished Langston’s poem,” _Or does it explode?_ ” It wasn’t the perfect metaphor, since as he entered the data, the whole of the Nemesis was caught in an implosion.

~~  
~~

Optimus Prime realized what was happening as a severe force pulled him towards the lower region of the ship. Fortunately for him, he was close enough to Megatron to grab onto the other’s alt mode as the leader of the decepticons attempted to flee his imploding ship.

“Let go of me!” He cried out angrily as he felt the weight of his enemy pull him back. He couldn’t support both of them in this horrendous vacuum, not that he wished to anyways. The mysterious implosion lasted little to no time, but his ship was no longer beneath him and Optimus wasn’t letting go.

Prime dragged them both down until he was low enough in altitude that he felt comfortable to drop to the ground. It was a long fall, but his pneumatic shocks took the brunt of it and he rolled into a transformation so he could continue driving and come to a stop at his own choosing.

“Optimus!” Bulkhead called out as the red and blue semi came into view. “We thought you were done for!” He received an elbow from Arcee and he muttered,” Jus’ sayin’...”

“Where is Starscream? Has he landed yet?”

Bumblebee beeped questioningly, wondering why they should care about the traitor.

Optimus Prime quickly explained,” It was a ruse; we used it to distract Megatron as he used a device of his making to explode-” Gazing up at the ship, a large portion of it compressed into a wrinkled ball of heavy metal, he corrected himself,” implode the Nemesis.” Several small explosions sounded in the background as the warship descended.

“H-He didn’t betray us...?” Arcee asked with poorly concealed joy. Something catching her eye, she pointed to the sky and shouted,” Look! I think we just found him!”

Starscream whistled through the air, descending with little control. He was in his jet mode, but with how warped all of his limbs and wings had become from the implosion, he could do little but marginally steer himself. After the Nemesis imploded, numerous small explosions had ejected the seekers body, and gravity won, dragging Starscream towards the Earth. He was beyond confused however... The implosion was supposed to have left the whole of the Nemesis in a twisted piece no more voluminous than a third its original size, but as he looked up, he saw a mostly functioning ship.

Bulkhead leapt into action, chasing down where the seeker should about land. How close to the edge of a cliff it was left the bot on edge. “I gotcha’!” He shouted up at his friend, reaching for the other as he quickly approached the ground.

Starscream tried to lift up as he saw the incoming cliff, trying to slow down enough that he could better swerve away from the incoming gorge. Instead, he began spinning completely out of control. 

He cursed as he missed the cliff and now was going to fall a near mile further at an alarming speed-

Large servos gripped his tail wings in a way reminiscent of how Megatron had once stopped him from fleeing in an attempt to spare his life. Though this time, it was to keep him from plummeting and _save_ his life. His plating violently scraped against itself and the ground as Bulkhead swung him down into the ground behind him. “Ugh, sorry for the rough landing, Screamers,” The bot said as he looked back at the seeker he just saved, but in doing so, smashed like a wrecking ball.

“I-if I’m still functioning, I must have failed,” The jet concluded with a glitching vocalizer, it having suffered mild damage in the sequence of events. “The Nemesis... still...”

“This little trick of Optimus and yours almos’ got ya’ killed,” The olive bot said, clumsily shifting around to get a better look at the other. He wasn’t a medic or anything, but the seeker did not look to be in very good shape.

“The plan never was for me to make it out online; it was to make a difference and take out the Decpticon headquarters...”

Disconcerted by the other’s words, he tried to overlook the silver bot’s apparent suicidal tendencies, and asked,” Can you transform?”

“I don’t think I should find out,” He bitterly laughed in pain.

“Up ya’ go, we’re getting back to base,” Bulkhead grunted as he hefted the jet up and onto his shoulder. “For such a skinny guy, you got weight.” Despite saying this, the bot didn’t even seem encumbered as he walked back towards the other autobots who were on their way towards him.

“A little over nine thousand kilograms, though I think I lost quite a bit of that in the last little while...”

That received a laugh and cordial,” Yeah, pretty sure you’re right.”

“You idiot!” A very distinct voice rang out,” How could you lie to us? And then try to blow yourself up?” Her anger caught up in her vocalizer as she saw him being lugged around on Bulk’s shoulders rather than walking. “Starscream...?”

With a laugh, Bulkhead assured her,” He’s fine, just got a few dings in’m.” The larger autobot didn’t want to see more of Arcee’s shocked and broken gaze, and Starscream’s vocalizer already sounded better.

“Yes, because a few dings is all you receive from surviving an implosion,” Starscream said with a deadpan voice.

Bumblebee cheerfully assured Starscream that Ratchet wouldn’t have any problems with taking out even _severe_ dings, and Starscream couldn’t help but feel a little warmth at the other trying to make him feel better. However, instead of warm words in return, he simply grumbled in response.

“Ratchet, requesting a ground bridge at my coordinates,” Optimus Prime alerted their science officer. It didn’t take long for the group to be heading through the green portal, Bulkhead still carrying Starscream over his shoulder.

Giving the group a speculative glance, he asked,” Didn’t go as planned, I take it?” Optimus had warped metal that couldn’t be achieved through just fighting, and the seeker remained in jet form having to be towed around by Bulkhead. Something went awry.

“No, it went spectacularly,” Starscream snapped. “I don’t know that I can transform without causing internal injury, and I _really_ don’t feel like any more bedrest.” He’d had enough serious injuries this metacycle to last him a vorn.

With a snort at the other’s short temper, Ratchet started scanning his recurring patient and sighed in relief. “With a little help, you should be able to transform just fine, and we can straighten out the warped plating easily enough.” He tagged on something about the seeker being a wimp, but denied it when questioned.

The next hour was devoted to Ratchet working with Starscream and unfolding mechanism by mechanism, a slow process that required simple but indefatigable helping correct each piece before allowing his patient to extend more.

Arcee came by Starscream as Ratchet went to attend to Optimus whom had much less serious warping. Crossing her servos, she bluntly said,” What you did was stupid.” He looked up from his seat on the medical table.

Furrowing his orbital ridges, he muttered,” You’re welcome. I incapacitated their warship.”

“But nearly at the cost of your life! It wasn’t a necessary action, we could sabotage them in much safer ways, with _everyone_ working together,” She gritted out.

“What do you _want_? First you say that I’m abandoning you if I don’t put our team first, then I sacrifice myself to do a wonderful service for them and you’re still not happy!”

Arcee stood there quietly and averted her gaze. “I want you to be a good autobot, but I don’t want you to be a glorious, _offline_ autobot,” She finally whispered.

Wincing as he thought of this, Starscream quickly tried to apologize, but was cut off by Arcee,“ You don’t have to say sorry, just try not to be a lugnut in the future.” 

Her tone was lighter again, and Starscream smiled weakly. “I’ll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author Notes 1/8/13***
> 
> After long wait, I finally have another chapter up ^^; This one is extra long, (though that's only by my standards, it's only 2.8K words XD) Langston Hughes really inspires me and his poem featured fits Starscream so well. The poor mech has been trying to achieve one single dream for millennia and it's become evident that he will never accomplish his dream ever. This is also a call back to Chapter 6 and the fact that I started this fanfic in Advanced American History and Literature, specifically during our Raisin in the Sun unit. Hope you enjoy this chapter. The story has been taking forever to work on because I've been trying to tie it to canon without copying canon. I'm pretty pleased with how it's laying out (I've started the framework for the next few chapters already).


	22. Chapter 22

“Optimus, my scanners are picking up quite abnormal subterranean frequencies,” Ratchet informed his leader as he began typing a little more aggressively to keep up with the new burst of data.

“Well, that sounds ominous,” Bulkhead bemoaned.

“I believe that’s the most sophisticated word I’ve ever heard you use,” Starscream snarked, receiving glares from multiple bots.

“Have you deciphered what the cause is?” Optimus asked, not wasting time with the seeker’s petty disparaging. 

Pausing as he swiftly finished typing up a set of commands, coordinates appeared on screen. “Negative, but the location seems rather inauspicious indeed.”

“Where I so heroically saved you,” Starscream whispered towards Arcee.

“You mean, where you failed to take out Airachnid?” She replied with quirked orbital ridges.

“You didn’t do much better, you were suspended upside down, bound with webs.”

Clearing his vocalizer to clear the nothing fight, Ratchet expounded,” I was referring to the place we came across an insecticon. One of considerable skill that almost took out Megatron.”

Remembering the part where he was almost insecticon food that night, Starscream decided to just leave this conversation to the other bots for now. His whole embarrassing plea for help was running through his processor and he was sure that it was the cause of the slightly smug look in Bulkhead’s optics. Guess the wrecker got the last laugh for the moment.

“We should check out the site, it is possible that Airachnid unearthed more than just one insecticon,” Prime decided. “Open the ground bridge with those coordinates. Autobots, transform and roll out.”

Starscream started to follow, but Bulkhead looked back and said,” Sorry Screamers, but last time I checked, you _fly_ out.”

Starscream had some choice words for the large bot, but a look from Prime told him that he was meant to stay behind. Weighing how effective trying to fight house arrest would be and how much he actually wanted to see Airachnid again, let alone an _insecticon_ , he merely sighed and returned to Ratchet’s side.

It was a while before anything exciting happened, but it was a show stopper once something did.

Communications were up and Starscream heard incessant buzzing. “That can’t be what it sounds like,” He said with a grimace. 

“If you’re thinking an army of insecticons, you’d be right,” Arcee reported back. 

In the background of her transmission, a menacing voice emanated,” Arise, my armada, and attack!”

“An armada of like-minded individuals,” Starscream pondered,” That would be a treat to play with.”

Ratchet scoffed at this, but otherwise ignored the absurd idea. Who wanted more than one Starscream? “They’re moving fast,” The medic observed.

“Well, if I had my own personal army and someone had been gracious enough crash the Nemesis for me, I’d plan to assassinate Megatron,” Starscream thought aloud.

“It seems to be their intent,” Optimus affirmed. “This also leaves us opportunity to take out Airachnid.”

Starscream smiled at this idea. His two most hated foes offlined in one day... It was a glorious day to be online.

“Time to chat later,” Arcee said quickly, the sounds of her transforming interfering with the clarity of her voice. “In pursuit of a pest that needs stomping!”

Starscream and Ratchet watched the proceeding battle as only scientists could. No video, just data that streamed endlessly telling how many insecticons returned to the autobots and what levels of blaster fire had been aimed in what approximate direction.

Of course, some more concrete information would be appreciated. “In all my years, I never thought I would actually miss Soundwave,” Starscream grumbled.

Neither mech spoke much as they continued to monitor their comrades in battle. The silver bot’s optics were drawn to the portion of the screen showing Arcee’s progression of events. His vital components just behind his chest plate burned as he remembered their last encounter with the spider and the seeker shifted uncomfortably under the attention he received from the doctor.

“She’s a capable fighter, and has the rest of Team Prime to fall back on,” Ratchet said quietly as he busied himself with sorting through some of the more garbled information. 

Starscream awkwardly agreed, but found the statement rather appreciated.

“Optimus, how are you holding out?” Ratchet asked, more for the sake of doing so than actual need.

“We’ve taken out two so far, but some followed Arcee and Airachnid. We’re sending Bulkhead to deal with them,” He informed. 

Starscream was grateful for the update, but he wished he could be there- well rather, see the events roll before him. He bore no interest in meeting Airachnid in another fight, but he did wish he could watch out for Arcee and monitor her well being more personally than just the data would allow.

In the field of action, Arcee gracefully dodged the insecticons tailing her, even managing to take one out in the process. The amused joy that came from Arcee as she watched it crash into its master was hard to contain. 

The blue femme looked back behind her as she heard Bulk’s approach. “Already took care of the insecticons, just need to finish off the slagging queen.” Pointing to the burrowed hole in the earth, she finished,” Get Bumblebee, I’ll need someone to help bring back the pieces.” It was much too small an entrance for Bulkhead or Optimus Prime, and Arcee was fine with that. This was going to be their final one on one, and she was going to finally exact revenge against her foe.

~~  
~~

Starscream and Ratchet stood waiting by the ground bridge, expecting Airachnid as Arcee had reported: in a stasis pod. Starscream was mildly excited to see the spider captured, frozen in time and utterly horrified. He knew he wasn’t supposed to revel in his dark desires and dreams anymore, but this was just so satisfyingly wonderful.

After most of the group had dispersed, Starscream stood in front of the stasis pod and laughed at her horrified expression. Tapping on the glass with his knuckle, he exclaimed,” I don’t know how you managed, but I’m glad you didn’t finish her off then and there. How I relish to see her pain frozen in eternal stasis.” 

Arcee came up to join him and said,” You could at least try to hide your enjoyment.”

“Like you’re doing any better. I haven’t seen you smile that freely in orns.”

Arcee rolled her optics and dismissed it with the wave of a servo. She quirked her orbital ridges in surprise as his slender digits caught her servo and pulled her close. The blue femme rested her free servo around his waist, looking up with mild curiosity. 

Clearing his vocalizer and using his deep, quiet voice, Starscream inquired,“ Just to get this clear, it’s alright when you risk your life to go up against a femme fatale known for vivisection by yourself, but I’m not supposed to risk my life?”

Sending a sideways glare towards the seeker, she deadpanned,” Pretty much.”

“Ah, good, just so I completely understood the situation,” He said with mock enlightenment. “Double standards can be so confusing.”

“It’s different anyways,” She insisted,” Bee was coming in behind me shortly. You were just trying to blow yourself up.”

“Implode, actually, but I had the help of Prime, if you want to look at it that way.”

Breaking away from his grasp, Arcee spat,” That’s not at all the same, and you know it!”

“Do I sense some unresolved anger?” He egged, unable to resist his natural urge to spur on verbal sparring.

“Yes, you do,” She snapped. “I’m still furious, you jerkaft! I thought I lost you, _again_.” Staring at him for a few seconds, her anger faded and she admitted,” Just please promise me that you won’t senselessly get yourself offlined.”

“Fine, but the same goes for you.”

She nodded, and in the mutually assured non-destruction, drew close once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Original Author Notes 12/29/15***
> 
> Well, that was a longer wait than I expected...
> 
> Hope you guys all enjoy the new chapter, more is on the way! ... Even if it takes me another three years u.u; (though, seriously, I really believe I can get another chapter put together soon).
> 
> Starscream's presence has completely derailed this story from cannon, and I consider this the final breach that completely separates continuities. After the next chapter, there will be no connection (other than the occasional throw away quip or amusing parallel) to continuing cannon (though, as I have a tendency to do, there will surely be small recalls to aligned continuity and other cannons that I feel I can seamlessly fit in). This chapter and the next one are kind of bridges to that full escape of cannon, but don't worry, I'm not planning some off the wall, crazy and non sequitur plot to seize this story. I plainly don't want to stay trapped in the show's shadow and feel compelled to mimic every episode.
> 
> My interest in covering Project Iacon and having to basically rewrite every episode to allow for Starscream's change in team is not very big. With the big set of four relics and the very fast paced progression of events from there (not to mention largely important actions on Starscream's neutral part), I can't easily walk alongside cannon like I may have been able to earlier in the series without actually covering every item and who retrieves it. When I began writing this story, I could not foresee the search-and-find intensive plot lines that were just around the corner, or the addition of a new character. So, this story all takes place shortly before they would start finding Iacon Relics like mad, which also means before Smokescreen joins the team (though I do wish I could sneak him in just for his line about " that stiletto-heeled freak" and capture Screamer's reaction XD
> 
> I'd already scripted a plan of events though, so having the series finish before I could doesn't really change anything. This story is drawing to a close soon, and it covers topics I was and am interested in covering in ways I thought would be intriguing back in 2012 before the conclusion of the second season.
> 
> Sorry for the long author's note. I figured I owed all you faithful readers a full update on where this story was heading since I kept you waiting so long. I'm so thankful for everyone being so patient, and I really hope this new chapter is an enjoyable read!


	23. Chapter 23

All were clustered in the main area as Ratchet called attention to a sudden spike in energy readings.

“This seems to be-”

“D-Dark energon, I can _feel_ it,” Starscream sputtered, consumed by an overwhelming wave of unsuspected power. It felt like forever since he last used it, but even now the thirst for more coursed through him. The traces of it in his system cried out to it, to the source of where he could get more.

“It seems to be coming from near where we crashed the Nemesis.”

“ _I_ crashed the Nemesis,” Starscream muttered. He smiled sheepishly as he received a few unimpressed glares at his bragging.

“Nonetheless, we should act quickly if we wish to use our advantage of their weakened state,” Optimus said, holding the Spark Extractor that he and Ratchet had just retrieved. Their leader held a darker air about him; the thought of what he must do to end the war clearly weighing down on him. The small disc in his servo was a terrifying weapon, and Starscream had personally seen it in action.

“Perhaps I should sit this one out,” Starscream suggested. 

“A little chicken are we,” Bulkhead egged with a good natured, if smug, smile.

“No! But I do want dark energon, which is currently emanating from that ship!” The power from dabbling with dark energon was like an addictive drug, and with the whole of the warship radiating not so subtle traces of dark energon, exhilaration pushed Starscream to retrieve some. He was flight capable again, and he was was well versed in sneaking onto his old ship. In fact the hardest part, locating the ship, was already done for him so that all he would have to- 

Wings shifting on edge, Starscream reminded himself that wasn’t supposed to desire it anymore.

“Wise choice,” Prime said, thankfully cutting off the seeker’s thought process. Though he could not identify with the intense desire for such a vile substance, he understood the other was trying to make the sound decision. “Stay with Ratchet and our human friends.”

“Hold on Prime!” Fowler called out. He seemed to have some belief that he belonged by the autobots in this battle since it may well be the very last one. His assertion was well received and the silver seeker watched as Fowler and the autobots went off to finish this war, while he stayed behind to do nothing. 

It was only minutes into the showdown that Starscream’s optics widened in surprise. “Those stasis beams haven’t worked since before I bought our ship.”

“Stasis beams?” Ratchet echoed, watching the data pour in as his friends began to fall victim to said weapon. “Optimus, the warship is equipped stasis beams, you have to retreat.”

Oh Primus, it was too late, Starscream realized.

Ratchet eyed Starscream and guessed,” You know exactly what’s going on, don’t you?”

“He… he was declared processor-defunct,” Starscream mumbled to himself.

Ratchet’s optics widened as he caught exactly what the ex-con meant. “He- Who is waking up right now?” 

Starscream mumbled profanity to himself as he ignored Ratchet and began quickly typing inquiries at the console he currently manned. Sure enough, each autobot sent over was being stasis locked one by one. “We need to get them out of there,” Starscream insisted. “They can’t win against-”

“ _Who?!_ ”

“Trypticon,” Starscream answered with his high-pitched rasp of answering under fire. “A great decepticon of long past, who was refitted to be a starship after his falling.”

“You bought a refitted soldier,” Ratchet flatly echoed, as if asking for confirmation. 

“It’s not like the autobots never relied on deactivated soldiers. Didn’t you yourself work with Omega Supreme after the great war?”

Ratchet grumbled,” That was different. I couldn’t heal his injuries. I had to get him out of there.” After a moment’s thought, he asked,” How would you even know of that? You weren’t there.”

“No,” Starscream agreed in full voice, before breaking to a quiet mutter,” Skywarp was…”

“Oh, Starscream, I didn't know,” Ratchet darkly responded. He knew only three seekers even made it out online. He distinctly remembered Skywarp wasn’t one of them.

“Past wars aren’t our concern right now,” Starscream anxiously dismissed. An uncomfortable chill ran through his spark. He hadn’t meant to bring up Skywarp, especially to a bot who had been part of his offlining, however removed.

As perfectly fit for Starscream's world falling out of his understanding, the humans won the victory in the end of the day. For Starscream, it was a hollow victory. Now he was a known as a dealer in offline bots, which was perhaps more accurate than they needed to know, and forced to think about refitted soldiers and what they could do.

~~  
~~

_“Skywarp," Starscream scoffed as he received a transmission," This had better be important."_

_"You know me, Scream, always thinking all seriously about the mission," came his brother's crazed cackle, but it was off . Too sharp._

_"Warp, shouldn't you be focusing on that mission instead of annoying me? We're in the middle of a war. You're stationed in a great battle now." Starscream sighed as he relaxedly quit out of the report he was working on. He needed more seekers. He needed more bodies to send to the war they were losing on Cybertron... but he should deal with his idiot brother first. Skywarp was an asset when he had his processor in the right gear, but he could get distracted pretty easily._

_A sharp hiss called Starscream's attention, and he quizzically inquired," You're not seriously calling me from the battlefield, are you? Where are your commanding officers?"_

_"That's ah, that's why I'm calling, brother. They brought some kind of superweapon out to play. I've never seen anything like it. It's crazy strong."_

_A large explosion crackled on the other side._

_Starscream didn't hear anything for a moment and called out," Skywarp?"_

_It took another four cycles before he answered, but Skywarp finally spoke," Still here."_

_"Fragging glitch, you had me going for a cycle there," Starscream snarled. He hated worrying about his trinemates._

_"Take more than a simple 'splosion to take me out, but uh, I'm pretty close. There's not too many of us left."_

_"And what do you expect me do about it," Starscream complained. Despite his words, he was already connecting to surveillance to see what information he could bring up._

_"I was hoping you could give me some orders. I'm not really good at this stuff solo, you know? And my surperiors are already offlined," Skywarp shakily informed his trinemate._

_Starscream's spark went cold. This wasn't like Skywarp. He shouldn't be making sense, asking for direction, he didn't sound like himself. He sounded scared. "I- I can't bring anything up. The surveillance drones were brought down, Skywarp. I can't help you. I can't see what's going on, and I'm on the other side of the world."_

_"Well, we're launching our last barrage against the super weapon. I think his name is Omega Supreme. Maybe you could find intelligence on him."_

_"Right, sure. I'll check," Starscream said defeatedly. He typed in the name to the database, but predictably got no entries. Their intelligence scavenging was hitting a dry spell right now. "I don't have anything on the mech. The autobots must have just brought him off the line."_

_With a grunt as he presumably dodged the suddenly loud blaster fire, Skywarp cursed," Frag, I expected as much."_

_Starscream waited on edge for more words from his trinemate, and sighed with relief when Skywarp loudly cheered," You'd be so proud, Scream! I totally just stratgied a strike with the others."_

_Chuckling softly, Starscream gently corrected," Strategized, Skywarp."_

_"Yeah, Skywarp totally just strategized," he boasted._

_"Never thought I'd see the day," Starscream bemused._

_"Me neither- oh, slaggit-"_

_Starscream flinched as a loud puncturing sound scratched through the transceiver. Harsh hisses rhythmically came over the line, and Starscream once again inquired," Skywarp...?"_

_A dry chuckle answered him. "I think we took his stabilizing servos and flight completely out... but... I guess we should have focused... on his heat first."_

_"What's your condition?" Starscream asked a little frantically._

_"I don't think I'll be flying back," Skywarp said rather decidedly._

_"Slag, I should be out there!"_

_"Lord Megatron said he needed you by his side, you couldn't be two places at once," Skywarp dismissed._

_It only upset Starscream further. Skywarp wasn't supposed to be making sense. "Skywarp... do you want me to patch Thundercracker in?" He had the technology before him to link such far reaches for commlinks._

_"Ah, no, I owe TC like, thirty-two energon cubes," Skywarp moaned. A sharp hiss broke his sentence midway through._

_"I hardly think TC would begrudge you that circumstances being what they are," Starscream glumly pointed out, bringing up the necessary applications to get a three-part conversation spanning the solar system. Being stationed at the communications tower of Kaon had its perks._

_"Yeah, you're right. Be nice.. to talk to that glitch."_

_"You're the fragging glitch," Starscream weakly insisted. He punched in the command to contact Thundercracker._

_The other laughed heartily until it caused him to cough violently. "Glad you still got the gears for name calling."_

_"Starscream," Thundercracker's voice rang out quizzically._

_"Hey, TC," Skywarp greeted. His voice sounded softer, it was losing its edge._

_"Warp, to what do I owe this call from you two? I have work to do."_

_Starscream mulled over how to respond, and was glad when Skywarp took that weight off his wings._

_Skywarp laughed weakly, then informed Thundercracker," I'm not doing so hot, TC. I don't think I'll... be able to pay you off like- like I promised." A sharp exhale tore through him._

_"That's not surprising, Warp," their blue trinemate responded without missing a beat, but Starscream could hear his plain voice was forced._

_"Slag..."_

_"What is it, Warp?" Thundercracker quickly asked._

_"The super weapon... He's folding up! We should have disengaged him too bad for that," Skywarp quickly relayed, then added," Seems there's a medic... Red 'n white, talked to him."_

_Starscream could hear the ominous sound rise on the other end of the comm. "What's the weapon doing now?"_

_"Fraggin pit, he's flying again... No way! We totally took out- it's not natural."_

_Thundercracker was asking more questions, but Starscream couldn't focus on the conversation. Skywarp sounded so faint now. It was all his fault, Starscream reasoned. He should have made more effort to keep his trine all together when Megatron split them onto different forces. Starscream's wings hung low as he folded against his workstation in despair._

_"... He's flying again, but I don't think Omega Supreme is online."_

_"Use your head, Skywarp, how would that even be possible," Thundercracker berated his trinemate._

_"He's not banking right, guys... I swear... he can't be in control of himself. Someone who doesn't know how to fly is taking the helm," Skywarp insisted._

_Called back by science he knew about, Starscream bleakly looked at his screen as he prepared a response. "He could have been put into stasis lock," Starscream offered. "You said there was a medic right? Your strike may have left him processor-defunct. He might just be a flight-capable ship now. Wouldn't be the first time the great and mighty were reduced to simple transport."_

_Thundercracker made a sound of disgust. "I suppose. Those autobots are ruthless. Can you imagine being made to fly lifelessly with a crew directing you?"_

_"One would have to be desperate to resort to such ghoulery," Starscream agreed. "It's been a long war," he tagged on as he remembered he'd been looking into refitted soldiers for his armada to travel in. Starscream hesitated as he didn't hear more from Skywarp. He wished could see what's going on._

_"Oh, primus... f-f-frag!" Skywarp shouted out with more gusto than he'd managed since his weezing began. "It's firing. It's... striking down the few left in the skies... Coming for m- well… slag."_

_A large blast sounded, and Starscream waited desperately for Skywarp to confirm he was still online. Sharp wheezing from his air intakes was all that Starscream was rewarded with as he waited longer and longer. It had to be four cycles before he whimpered," ... Skywarp, you can call off the joke now. We know you have to still be online..."_

_"He's not going to reply, Starscream," Thundercracker darkly decided. "I- I'm sorry. I can't."_

_Starscream watched the screen show Thundercracker taking his comm offline. The sharp hisses continued for cycles, and Starscream held on hoping idiotically like his patience would be rewarded. He should have spoke up that this wasn't what Skywarp was good at when Megatron assigned him there, but Starscream was too afraid to rock the boat and encourage any doubt that he and his brothers were anything but the most useful. His trinemate's reputation would affect his own, and he hadn't wanted to let that get in the way... but now..._

_The pained hissing drew silent only moments before the comm fizzed out. Starscream drew the logical conclusion. When he went to survey the battlefield later, he knew he would have to mark Skywarp offline in the report._

~~  
~~

Arcee stretched in her quarters, still sore from the extended stay in her falling position. Ratchet assured her that it would fade soon, but she rolled her optics at that. Medics all said the same thing.

The chime at her door drew her attention, and she casually called,” Come in.”

She wasn’t surprised when Starscream was her caller and she patted her berth for him to come join her. “What is it,” she asked as she noticed how he entered. He seemed moody, kind of down. She was getting used his many downcast tempers.

“I…” He hung onto the word and sighed. “Nevermind it, I don’t feel like talking,” decided, shaking his helm slowly.

“Sure,” she agreed. “I’m just stretching. Though a nice ride would probably help. Interested?”

Starscream enjoyed the idea of joining her, but a very practical problem occurred to him. “What’s the fastest you can drive?”

“Around a hundred miles an hour,” she replied,” Wasting energon, I could probably push it to one-ten, one-twenty if I really tried.” It was hard to pack a lot of speed in an engine so small.

“Well if we flew into the wind, I could probably go slow enough you could keep up,” Starscream mused.

Sitting up and looking at him with a playful expression, Arcee asked,“ Is that a challenge?”

In a rush, Arcee got up and took his servo before racing through the halls to the base’s main entrance. It was a little ridiculous. She felt a bit like a fool running through base like a sparkling servo in servo with her… she couldn’t finish that thought all the way through.

Starscream went along with it, trying to bring himself into the moment. He should be happy, getting to be with the love of his life was more than he deserved. For her benefit, he faked it at least.

Arcee was no fool, but she didn’t know how to handle his pain so she continued like there was none. Maybe she could fake it until they made it true. She slowed down to enjoy the moment as they stepped out into the sunny day. Deserts were sparse, and Jasper’s flat rock made for pleasant driving. Local gorges would make for a fun track, and they were farther from the city which would provide Starscream discretion with the locals.

“Follow me,” she said as she jumped forwards into transformation. 

Starscream watched her drive off, letting her gain a few miles before taking off himself. Making sure he wouldn't stall himself, he went the slowest he could. It worked surprisingly well, and Starscream rocked back and forth in the wind as he began to genuinely enjoy himself. The sun was warm on his wings and it was easy sailing on the brisk winds.

The blue motorcycle lead him across the desert, and he watched as the terrain became bumpy to the point she was bobbing in and out of sight as she jumped natural ramps. Flying was clearly superior… but that did look quite fun.

“Enjoying the view?” Arcee asked coyly over their comm. With all of the maneuvers, she was slowing down a bit, and she could see he was overtaking her. Determined not to fall behind, she revved and cut out some jumps to push her engine harder.

“Hard not to,” he replied smartly, weaving even more widely to allow her to keep lead easier.

She was never a sore sight, and the rock face a couple miles ahead of them was actually quite beautiful. The striation could be vaguely picked out with his best lens, even from so far back. 

Arcee loved coming out to this remote area when she needed to clear her head. One could see for miles, and few humans other than solitary hikers that minded their own business ventured here. She couldn't fathom why; the view was the prettiest she'd seen on this planet. From up on the cliff looking back, the cracked earth she now rode on reminded her of Cybertron. It was too consistently red and orange, no natural silvers to found, but it could almost pass for the sea of rust on a particularly rusty day.

As her wheels began ascending the broken plateau that had an easy trail up, Arcee confided softly,” I love this pace.” She otherwise stayed quiet, enjoying the peace

Arcee unfolded at the top, resting her legs over the edge. Starscream flew past overhead and looped back before dropping beside her. She looked up at him, waiting for him to sit beside her so she could lay against him. When he did, she rested her helm against his chestplate serenely. The sun was falling in the sky, descending slowly but surely. It would set in two hours, and she considered staying out here to watch.

“I can see why you do,” he rumbled. He sighed and waited for her to ask more. The seeker wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed she kept her silence.

The tranquility was broken minutes later when she pushed away and stretched out with a loud moan. “Stasis kills,” she complained. 

“It really does,” he agreed, though with much different sentiment and history.

Laying back spread eagle, Arcee mused,” If only we'd been aware of those beams, maybe we could've prepared.”

“Like I was supposed to know they'd ever work again,” Starscream scoffed.

“I'm surprised the decepticons never tried to repair them. They could've been quite the asset.”

With an annoyed look towards her, Starscream muttered,” I was the only one who knew they existed, but we didn't have the resources to ever bring them online.”

“Or Trypticon,” she tagged on, voice light like she wasn’t ruffling his feathers.

“Really?” He snarled. “This is how we're going to have this conversation?”

Arcee sat up and bowed her helm. “You're right, I'm sorry.”

Exhaling sharply, Starscream gritted out,” Yes, I bought a refitted soldier. I let a fallen mech become little more than a ship. I know how barbaric that reads, but this is war, and you don’t know everything. He was as loyal to the decepticon cause as our dear Soundwave.” He stumbled over the phrasing, so used to having to hide his contempt for the surveillance officer that he was used to talking about as a ally. It was also not exactly true. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the cause, but his fierce loyalty laid with Megatron.

“Loyalty is one thing, but being kept in stasis for millennia for transport? Who would consent to that?”

“Eh, by the time I'd been introduced, he couldn't exactly consent. The armada needed a ship to travel the galaxy though, and he'd already been locked after being declared defunct.” He shuttered his optics as he groaned. It all sounded so bad. “He was barely sentient before, though!” Just a science ship that had a little too much science and mishaps brought its way.

Arcee looked at him incredulously. How could that seriously be his moral argument? “Starscream…”

“I've done a lot of awful things,” he angrily blurted. “I believe more than few of you have described me in the past as a creep or monster! I've killed in cold energon, I've dealt in refitted soldiers, I've tortured and desecrated the dead- I've been fighting a war and grasping for power for millennia, and I had few qualms to work with as a decepticon.”

Roughly getting to his stabilizing servos, he shouted,” You are painfully aware how monstrous I am! I fail to see how any of this comes as a surprise!” With a sour scoff, Starscream leapt backwards and let himself fall before folding and using full thruster to spiral away.

“Starscream, come back here,” she yelled over the comm. She furiously pursued him when he ignored her. She already lost ground having to take the trail down to lower ground, and he wasn't working to keep himself slow, so she had to press every ounce of speed she had to just keep him in sight.

Arcee followed him long enough that the environment morphed into rolling hills and what could almost pass for a bare forest. The grounder quickly flipped on her holographic rider as she came across a road with light traffic. “Whoops,” she muttered, hoping she wouldn't have to explain later.

She watched Starscream land up ahead and relaxed her speed to a more reasonable 85 miles per hour. The drive took Arcee ten more minutes and she ran through what she could possibly say. What she wanted to say… She didn't want to escalate anything, but she knew she could be more than a little blunt.

She quieted her motor as she approached and she actually came to stop and walked the rest of the way when she saw his crouched form. She could tell by his shifting that he heard her coming, but he didn't turn to look at her. Arcee came within half a meter of touching him before thinking better of it and formally announcing her presence. “Starscream, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up like that.”

He dolefully shrugged.

The femme reached to touch his lower arm in plain sight before working her way up to his shoulders. Her servos walked up his arms slowly, reassuringly squeezing along the way.

He sank into her grasp and asked in a broken whisper,” How can any of you even look at me?”

“It was hard at first.” Arcee wasn't one to pull punches.

“... I'm sick of this.”

“What?”

“Having to think of everything I've done- I- I'm a horrible person. I feel guilty all the time, and I have to-” he shook his helm and tried to bring his voice to a less shrieky volume. “I can't deal with all of this… all these things I was able to ignore for so long. I don't want to miss my trinemates. I don't want to regret my choices from millennia ago. I don't want to be angry at myself all the time for what crosses my mind and what I've let be done to me and by me. And I just want to shut it all off. I'm so tired of it. It drains me. I just want it to stop.”

Arcee stayed silent for a bit, just rubbing under his pauldrons and thinking about what she wanted to say and how she should phrase it. The femme wished she could put this off to someone else. The only advice she was good at giving was stuff that came from others.

Advice that she got from others…

The femme cleared her vocalizer gently, and said,” This is when you need our support the most. If it was hard to look at you at first… it was worth it. As you've said, you have millennia behind you as a very different mech…” She crossed in front of him and kneeled. Tapping his autobot crest, she continued,” but you've changed. It's going to be hard, and painful, and it will probably not seem worth it some days, but I'm so proud of you.”

Starscream eyed her warily before facing down to her servo on his chestplate. “You mean that?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t lie to you. Sometimes I say the wrong things, and I know I can be a little too frank, but I will never lie to you. You can trust me, all of us.”

“It’s a little odd, don’t you think?”

Arcee quirked her orbital ridge. “What?”

His optics met hers and he shrugged uneasily.“Being able to, well it sounds silly when I say it aloud, but being able to just rely on everyone all the time with no incentive holding it all in place?”

“We have incentive,” Arcee contradicted, then expounded,” Family. Family motivates us.”

Starscream briefly thought back to Skywarp and Thundercracker. It never mattered how much they had bothered or hurt each other; they’d always help each other and make amends later. Always, until they couldn’t. “I miss that.”

“You have it right now,” she pointed out.

“You’re right,” he said with a small smile,” I suppose I do.”

Standing and offering a servo up, Arcee said,“ If we head back now, we could still watch the sunset from the cliff.”

He nodded wordlessly, overcome with gratitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of moved around events, the revitalized Trypticon has little time to decode Project Iacon. Starscream, however, had plenty of time to remember more of his past. 
> 
> Last chapter was a tad short, but this chapter hopefully makes up for it. I believe at a little over 4,200 words, this is the longest chapter I have ever posted for any story. Hopefully I haven't lost too much of my previous readership, though after a three year pause that's too be expected ^^; ... Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter! It was was really nerve wracking posting it. I was worried about a cold reception after I kept everyone so long. Thank you again to those who welcomed me back ♥


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: Abuse: Physical/Injury**

“Get Jack out of here,” Arcee urged, already shooting back at the vehicons that were beginning to circle them.

Sighing, Starscream snarled,” I’ve turned into a great rescue bot.” First Nakadai, now Arcee’s pet- friend! whatever… He didn’t get a reply, and so got right to the saving bit. Jack looked to the seeker and visibly steeled himself for a swift departure. The kid was a fast learner.

As Starscream seamlessly took off with his passenger, he asked,” Any idea where I should take you?” He didn’t much care, but he didn’t want to be corrected later.

“I was probably going to head home soon, anyways,” Jack sighed,” So somewhere just outside of Jasper’s fine. I can walk home.”

With dry laugh, Starscream asked.“ You’re not setting me up to get in trouble, are you?” He couldn’t imagine that abandoning the human would go well for him in the Autobot’s optics should any harm come to him.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Starscream had to take the human at his word. He’d been an overwhelmingly positive influence on the seeker’s life thus far.

He came in low, just outside the city. Well, just outside the city for Starscream. Sizing up Jack’s leg size and normal speed while walking, he did the math and concluded it would take the human a little over twenty minutes get home. Starscream couldn’t afford to get too close though. Jets were loud, robots stood out… It would be a mess to get caught. 

Humming to himself at the distance, Starscream looked to Jack and asked,“ You sure you don’t just want a ground bri-” His words died as a familiar sound crackled forth and purple soldiers walked through. “Ugh, what do you want? Have the vehicons always been this persistent? They never seemed so efficient under _my_ control.”

“No comment,” Jack called back as he immediately began running for cover.

“Yes, go! Go run and-” Starscream dodged a sudden shot and brought focus to the fight. It wasn’t a particularly grand fight, three on one didn’t mean much when they were such subpar fighters as the army Starscream once ruled. It also didn’t hurt that he had a personal understanding of their martial training and could easily guess all their next moves. 

The seeker would go so far as to say predictable- until everything was not.

Blocking one’s punch and twisting with the foe to redirect it at another, Starscream grinned at how he could practically toy with them. The third con went unaccounted for though, he realized with a flash of apprehension. The vehicon was breaking formation; Starscream no longer had a script to work off of.

Feeling a jab in his side, Starscream looked with abject horror at what had stuck him. “W-what are you doing?” He screeched, optics narrowing in on an energon tube being emptied into his systems. 

Starscream tried to push away, but focusing on the injection made him lose track of the other two and they held him in place.

“Starscream,” Jack called, coming into view and clearly distressed.

No, the boy couldn’t be brought into this, Starscream realized and quickly shouted,” Stay where you are, I’m fine!” It dawned on him as he said this, that he actually meant it. Perhaps he wasn’t fine, but he really didn’t want the other to risk himself just because of this little mishap.

As the tube emptied, Starscream blacked out. He couldn’t have been out long, he was still being held up and close to the vehicon playing doctor. With a jerk forwards, Starscream finally got leverage. He shoved the administering vehicon away, and expertly swept the captor on his left to the ground. Pushing off of his hull, Starscream gave himself a bit of boost with his thruster to flip over the other and push him to the ground to reunite with his friend.

“Woah, I haven’t felt this… _vital_ in stellar cycles... Vorns!” Starscream exclaimed, clenching his claws into fists. Now that his energon was starting to pump, he felt _good_. Strong. Powerful. Nothing could stand in the way of his might. He chuckled with the high of how great he felt as turned to the vehicon that had dared inject him with some mystery serum.

“I may have to thank you for what you did, but unfortunately for you, I have orders to keep a certain fleshling out of your reach,” Starscream sighed. The vehicon visibly flinched away as Starscream reached forwards, but the seeker had no trouble speeding his lunge up to catch the opponent by the neck. 

“No, please, we won’t attack any furth-”

“No,” Starscream said clearly, drawing out the word softly. “You won’t.”

He squeezed his servo tightly, feeling metal warp under his grip. It was foreign but satisfying to wield this kind of power nonchalantly. He now knew what it was like to be a hulking brute capable of crushing those less powerful than himself. It felt amazing. Intoxicating.

He crumpled the neck slowly, letting the vehicon scream in pain.

“Starscream, stop!”

The seeker looked down at the human with disdain. 

“They’ve surrendered. You don’t need to hurt them!” He insisted.

“I’m doing more than that, human,” Starscream calmly replied as he finally crushed the vehicon to the point of offlining. The chassis went limp in his servo and he tossed it to the side. Sneering, Starscream returned his attention to the fallen bots. “Care to apprehend me again? I’ll do more than a fancy flip.”

Small digital tones got the seeker’s attention, and he looked back to the human. “What? What are you doing?” He narrowed his optics as he saw the fleshling had out his cellular device.

“I’m calling base,” Jack answered as he put the phone up to his ear. “We need to go back _now_.”

“Go back,” Starscream echoed incredulously. “But I’ve never felt more online. It would be a shame to waste this time cooped up in base.” He absently shot blaster fire through the spark chamber of the vehicon coming up behind him. “My back was turned, that was rude,” Starscream complained, twisting and finishing the job with his spear-like claws.

Jack insisted,” We need to go back.”

“Run home all you like, but I will go nowhere I don’t please,” Starscream hissed.

“Hey, Ratchet, I need-”

“Drop the call,” Starscream warned, pointing his blaster at Jack. “Try not to make it suspicious.”

Jack’s face drained of color as he looked up to the charged energy blast aimed his way. “W-wait, never mind. I’m fine. Just making sure my reception’s good.” His voice betrayed uncertainty.

Ratchet humphed over the line. “ _I believe there is a meter of some sort for that, isn’t there?_ ”

“Right, right. My mistake,” Jack apologized quickly, snapping his phone shut after Starscream motioned to hurry it up. “Maybe we could head back after a short flight. See how the breeze is,” Jack cautiously suggested. He was ignored.

Hearing the sound of Transformation, Starscream sighed and watched the car hurry away. He quickly disposed of it with one of his missiles, not in the mood for survivors. Offline mechs told no tales.

“H-he was running away!” Jack protested.

“Was being the operative word,” Starscream said with a satisfied smirk. 

Biting his tongue to keep from saying something rash, Jack insisted lightly,“ I think you’ve been given synthetic energon, Starscream. We need to get you back to base.” His voice kept steady despite his mind already running through how Ratchet reacted, and how Starscream’s base nature was already a lot more aggressive.

“I already told you, I don’t intend to go,” Starscream coldly responded. “In fact, I see little reason to return at all. With this power, the strength running through my veins, I could… I could do anything. No one could stop me.” He smiled widely and took a step towards Jack. “I have no equal at this juncture. I could take on Megatron…! Gladiator of Kaon be damned!”

“Starscre-”

Reaching low, Starscream swatted Jack and sent his body flying a few meters. The human screamed out as he landed on his arm. “I tire of your kind, always having to suck up to you weak _pests_ to appease your masters. What kind of bots keep pets that are so squishy?” Laughing as he squatted down and batted Jack back to his other servo, Starscream continued,” With this miracle, I don’t need the autobots. I could stand alone, never having to speak to you worthless little vermin again.”

“What happened to the power of friendship,” Jack weakly joked, holding his chest to aid in breathing. He laid in the rising dust, making a conscious effort not to move the arm he landed on. Spiking pain coursed through it, as well as the rest of of body. He cried out as he was flicked into lying on his back.

“You think you’re so funny,” Starscream sneered, placing his servo over the human so that a claw rest on either side of Jack’s head. He applied pressure, just enough to keep the human in place and gasping in pain.

In between coughing, Jack said,” It’s just the synth-en. It will wear off.” The servo pressed ever so slightly harder, and Jack swore he could hear cracking. “Don’t do something you’ll regret. C’mon, Starscream, use your head.”

“Pleading for your little life? How _pathetic_.” 

“Nope, for yours, buddy. When this stuff wears off, you’ll be just as vulnerable as you were before you joined - _us!_ ” He screamed out the last word as Starscream began to increase the pressure on his chest. Face going red as he failed to get good breaths, he hoarsely squeaked,“ They’re never going to send a medkit again if you leave like this.”

Some pressure was relieved and Jack breathed in so hard it hurt. Heavy gasps plagued him as he tried to get out the rest of his speech. “That stuff they… they pumped into you. You’ll feel great… powerful… but it won’t last. Not like… not like the autobots… not like family…”

He looked up wearily to the seeker, eyes squinting at the bright green optics that bore down on him.

“I- I am at my all time best. I don’t need family. I haven’t for millennia,” Starscream bit out with frustration. “No… don’t look at me like that. Stop it!” The raw compassion on the other’s face sickened him. He didn’t need others to care about him. It wasn’t natural. People only cared when there was something to gain. 

“Let’s go home,” he said slowly, his breathing finally starting to even. Still it was painful. “Ratchet can take care this… We’ll take care of you.”

Something dark and moving fast caught the corner of Starscream’s vision and he looked agitatedly around. Assured that no more vehicons were around, he returned his attention to Jack and snarled,“ I don’t need to be taken care of. I could bench Prime in this state! You foolish, piteous-”

“Friend,” Jack supplied.

The single word hit Starscream like he thought nothing could. As if suddenly revulsed, Starscream removed his servo and looked at it. “What have I done? Jack…”

Wet coughs racked Jack as he curled up on his side again. “I’m calling a ground bridge,” he ground out in between viscous hacking.

Starscream sat back, a horrified expression drawn across his faceplate. “I- I am so sorry, Jack,” he muttered as he continued to stare at the instrument that almost killed his human ally. He curled the digits; they felt foreign, not his own. “It just- It just all rushed to my helm. If you could feel this energy... I feel like all my systems are off the charts with their efficiency.” Starscream was ignored as he tried to reason. The same movement caught his optic again and he looked around unnerved. Perhaps it was the rush of this chemical enhancement trying to keep him battle ready.

“No- no, not just checking reception this time,” Jack said to his phone. “We need a ground bridge.” With a cough and forced laugh, he assured,” No, I’m fine.”

Starscream waited for the other to hang up and watched to see if he could even stand up. “I damaged you so thoroughly. When the others see that I’ve-”

“-saved me from vehicons, they’ll be quite proud,” Jack finished.

“How can you… I nearly killed you!” Starscream couldn’t understand. Some human wasn’t allowed to be so selfless. Not when all the bots over millennia had taught him that everyone acted for themselves.

“You’re not yourself,” he dismissed, trying to sit up. It clearly hurt him, but soon he was working on getting to his feet. “Just, please, don’t ever do this again.” He seemed oblivious to the already forming splotches of color on his face, and the cut across his brow that bled steadily.

“I won’t,” the seeker promised. He gently offered a slender digit to the human to help him up. This level of feeling… awful? was so unfamiliar. He’d never felt so truly regretful for something that wasn’t coming back to bite.

As Jack pulled himself up, he seemed to catch a second wind. He could almost walk by himself, but Starscream ended up plucking the human off the ground. “Walking may hurt your injuries,” he excused. “And it looked so painful.”

The human didn’t pull any punches. “It was. I’m going to have bruises for a week.”

That simple exchange was spark crushing, and Starscream hesitated as he saw the ground bridge spiral forth. “I can’t go back. Not after what I’ve done.” Unnatural fear spiked in his processor as fates worse than death began to suggest themselves to him. “They’ll know. They’ll have my spark. Th-they’ll-”

“Worry if we don’t get over there,” Jack reasoned with a maturity that surprised the mech. This human had always had a pretty good head on his shoulders, but Starscream was impressed by how put together he was after something so brutal.

“I am indebted to you,” Starscream softly informed him, holding the human close and looking into his hurting but confident mein. 

“No, you’re not. Family doesn’t keep score, just supports each other,” Jack refuted absently. Like a calm after a storm, obvious wear brandished itself on his features but he didn’t seem to notice. Wiping sweat from his brow, he looked at his blood smeared hand with subdued shock. 

Starscream marched silently into the portal and came to see a full house. His typical calm that let him lie for any unaccounted events was dust in the wind, and he frantically looked back between everyone trying to figure out if they knew. 

“Jack!” Arcee called immediately as she saw his beat up face.

“I- I couldn’t,” Starscream falteringly began, but Jack came to the rescue.

“They injected him with something, I’m pretty sure it was synth-en, and he fell unconscious. My leap for cover was a little miscalculated. I had quite a time running from the vehicons before he came too and took them out.”

This caught Ratchet’s attention and he began running scans right away. “You’re right, Jack, it’s definitely synth-en, though slightly modified.”

Arcee took Jack out of Starscream’s servos and set him on the ground gently. “We should get you to a hospital.”

“What, this?” Jack asked, pointing to his forehead. “It’s just a scratch. I’m fine, just tired.”

“Still will probably fuel aggression… Hmm, and perhaps lend to heightened paranoia ,” Ratchet concluded, focused on his own task.

“Paranoia?” Starscream echoed, and whined,” This is humiliating.” Now that the initial rush was coming down, he felt less confident and more vulnerable.

“Everyone’s been compromised from a mission at one point or another,” Arcee sympathized. Jack leaned against her leg with a sigh of exhaustion, and his guardian looked down with concern. “Jack, you should really go get medical care.” She seemed obviously concerned by his uncharacteristic behavior.

With a hoarse cough, Jack shook his head and said,” Yeah, no, I’m good. Great. Seriously.” 

This earned raised optical ridges from their allies, and Starscream looked pitifully to the human.

Placing a hand on his chest for support, Jack assured everyone,” It was just a hard run. I… think I’m going to head home and rest up.”

This was accepted and soon he was being bridged home, much to Starscream’s relief. Everything else around him was starting to become too much; he didn’t need the additional stress of Jack potentially spilling how he was a horrible mech that should never be trusted again.

“Are you experiencing hallucinations of any sort?”

Starscream ignored it altogether, until he realized everyone else looked to the doctor and seemed to hear what he said. “Oh, sorry. Erm, yes, I believe so. I was ignoring you since you’ve been talking this whole time, but no one else was reacting.”

“I see,” Ratchet noted along with everything else in his log at his workstation.

“This embarrassing,” Starscream complained,” Can I be left alone until this predicament expires?”

Bulkhead rested a hand Starscream’s shoulder pauldron and said,“ I dunno, Screamers. Doesn’t seem like a good idea to leave you alone right now.”

Ratchet hummed in agreement and added,” I concur.”

Starscream’s wings drooped and he retorted,” Well you’re the only one that really needs to be here. Can’t I get a little privacy with my physician?” Ratchet was going to flush his energon lines of this awful substance, right? Bulkhead and Bumblebee had no reason to be here, and he didn’t want Arcee to see him like this. It was hard to look her in optics right now. Meeting Prime’s optics just made him feel even worse, a sudden feeling of having failed him resounding through his processors.

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Arcee joked,” What, got enough of me already?”

Optimus Prime ushered everyone to a different area of base, and Starscream once again found himself uncomfortably grateful to the mech.

“So what was I saying?” Ratchet asked curiously, a bit of amusement showing. He clearly didn’t have a problem with Starscream suffering through an apparently harmless, embarrassing time. “Take a seat,” he offered offhandedly as he began to pull up charts on his medical systems.

Starscream squirmed at the question. It was nothing embarrassing that he heard, but just admitting anything was shameful. “Patient doctor confidentiality, right?”

Ratchet humorously humphed at the notion. “Who would I tell?”

“I don’t know… Just about any other autobot,” Starscream snapped before snapping his helm at something moving in the corner of his optic. He uneasily sat on the berth as he’d been instructed.

“I’ll try to restrain myself from spilling all the juicy details,” Ratchet said facetiously, looking over to the blank wall Starscream suddenly became interested in.

“It was mostly just snippets and phrases I’ve heard you say in the past, nothing that stuck out,” Starscream answered unfocusedly.

Ratchet continued his documentation and idly commented,”That could be worrisome.” Perhaps if they stuck out more it would be easier to separate the hallucinations from reality. “Anyone else?”

“No, but I’m just starting to hear things. Maybe others would have followed soon,” he replied. Or maybe the voices in his head just like the Doctor in particular. Black and purple streaks were in the corner of Starscream’s vision as he looked around. It was the same fleeting movement he’d been seeing all along, but now it was so much clearer. 

“Possibly, but I’m guessing you don’t want me to bring the others in to find out, hmm?”

“No, that....” Starscream didn’t finish his train of thought as he felt indignation rise in his spark. Suddenly everything was crystal clear. “You!” He hissed as he glared at the medic.

“Levels of aggression should be expected to rise,” Ratchet noted,” That was the most noticeable side effect.”

“You killed my brother!” Starscream accused.

“I- w-what? Where is this coming from?”

“A medic talked to Omega Supreme before he was flight capable again.”

With a snort, Ratchet argued,“ You can’t be insinuating I was the _only_ autobot medic during the War for Cybertron.”

Starscream shook his head, taking umbrage at Ratchet’s flippant tone. Anger hissed through his air intakes, and he continued to glare at his doctor.

“Red and white, a red and white medic,” Starscream recalled. “And I poured over all the intel we ever collected from the Great War. You were there. _You!_ You, my good doctor, killed Skywarp!” Getting to his stabilizing servos, Starscream took several threatening steps towards Ratchet.

“Woah now, Starscream,” Ratchet nervously said, raising his servos is protest. “No need to jump to conclu-” His vocalizer ran silent as Starscream raised a missile menacingly.

Flexing his digits, promising how easy it would be to just click the launch detonator into action, Starscream growled low and hostilely,” Choose your words wisely.” The rush that command gave him only fueled Starscream into goading further,” Really, I’d love to hear your distraught plea. I hope it echoes the pain of my fallen trinemate’s last words.”

“Think, Starscream. What good will this do? What do you expect to gain?”

With an outraged scream, he lunged forwards and pushed Ratchet to the ground. “I want my brother back!” 

The doctor hit the ground roughly, metal scraping in unpleasant shrieks. Groaning, it took him a second to sit up, but he did so without apparent distress at his predicament. Ratchet’s lack of fear frustrated Starscream. He should be quaking in his chassis! Just looking at him sitting solemnly, so calm as if he knew something Starscream didn’t- it made the seeker’s energon boil.

With an enigmatic sigh, Ratchet replied,” I’m so sorry, Starscream. I can’t breathe life anymore than you can. I wish I could. We’ve all lost so many dear bots.”

“Sh-shut up!” Starscream hoarsely ordered, stepping closer and holding up a fist. Looking down at his teammate, Starscream’s servo began to tremble- through anger or fear at what he might do, Starscream wasn’t sure.

With a doleful hum to his voice, Ratchet softly requested,” Why don’t you let me flush out the synth-en?”

Starscream stared at Ratchet with mixed emotions. 

Moving along the conversation, Ratchet dispassionately huffed,” I could use a servo up.” He held his servo out like he knew how Starscream would respond. The gruff doctor didn’t even seem concerned.

With a disgruntled scoff, the seeker growled,” You have some nerve.” Hefting the doctor back up, Starscream couldn’t help but endure sharply contrasted thoughts. He felt like he was betraying his trinemate’s memory… but he was helping up a friend.

“Goes hand in hand with my delightful bedside manner,” Ratchet joked meagerly, referring to Starscream’s throwaway line.

Starscream reluctantly let the doctor proceed, feeling noticeably weaker as the synthetic energon left his system. It all felt wrong. He was willingly letting the doctor drain him of power- the very doctor that could be blamed for his brother’s death no less! 

A little startled by the herd trampling into medbay, Starscream looked up bleakly as the rest of the autobots came in, guns blazing.

Bulkhead was already asking as he entered,” Problem?” They had all obviously lept to the conclusion that their beloved doctor was in danger with the sound of Starscream’s yelling.

“Just a small quarrel,” Ratchet assured. He nodded towards Starscream, ignoring the expression of gratitude, and continued apathetically,” I’m sure you all remember how easy inciting arguments was.”

“Among other things,” Arcee muttered with a look of disgust.

“Yes, well, we’ll all just be happier when this formula is fixed,” Ratchet sighed. He bore an expression of guilt that piqued Starscream’s interest.

Arching an orbital ridge, Starscream asked,“ This isn’t your first encounter with this… synth-en you called it...? Is it?” Taking the silence as agreement, Starscream muttered to himself,” Just what were the decepticons up to after my absence?”

“Actually, I’m afraid it was me who created this synth-en,” Ratchet cleared up. “They’ve merely tweaked the recipe.”

“Yeah, we got a incomplete formula from a data cylinder,” Bulkhead informed Starscream.

“ _You_ made this substance,” Starscream said with intrigue.

“Yes,” Ratchet admitted,” The results of which were a failure on my part.”

“Mistakes are made,” Optimus said with his dignified voice,” but when they are learned from, they are nothing to be ashamed of.”

The scout interjected that he was just glad no one did anything overly reckless this time. he tagged on that this stuff’s bad effects only seemed to grow with time, so the sooner it was gone the better.

“Yes, well, I didn’t have a long time exposed. I guess we can all be thankful for that,” Starscream mumbled. He guiltily thought how it took him seconds to be the chemical’s plaything.

The scout tilted his head questioningly and asked why the decepticons would want to inject Starscream.

Bulkhead suggested,“ They needed a guinea pig?”

“You think they couldn’t spare one vehicon for such vital testing,” Starscream scoffed.

“Create dissension in the ranks?” Arcee offered.

“Thin out the ranks,” Ratchet amended in a whisper.

With a sidelong glare, Starscream agreed,” That would be just their style.”

“Regardless their goals or intentions, we can be glad that their objective has been discontinued,” Optimus weighed in. His contribution capped the conversation, to which Starscream appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... mild cold blooded torture anyone? This chapter was mostly completed early on while season two was finishing up, back when I thought they'd never touch on synth-en being in Knock Out's possession. I wanted so badly to see what would come of further testing. I was quite happy with _Thirst_ 's portrayal, though I already had plans for my canon divergent setting- plus Starscream wasn't there to mess things up, so now he's here to be messed up u.u;
> 
> Sorry, Jack.


	25. Chapter 25

“Ms Darby? What are you doing here at base? Jack hasn’t been here all day,” Ratchet questioned as he saw the nurse stroll in.

“Oh, I know. I just thought I'd stop by and see what’s new,” she dismissed with a warm smile. “I heard there’s a new autobot.”

“Well, he’s new to our side, yes,” the doctor confirmed. “I don’t believe you ever met him.”

“If the kids are going to be spending a lot of time with this new autobot, I’d like to at least exchange introductions.”

Looking down from his work, Ratchet shrugged and said,” By all means.” It seemed being an autobot these days meant dealing with all of the humans. Starscream would have to put up with the excitable mother too. “You’ll probably find him in bay four right now.”

“Thanks, doctor,” she called back as she immediately started walking. She flashed him a light hearted smile on her way out.

“Whatever,” he sighed, mumbling something about how humans were everywhere underfoot these days.

The base was large for human strides. It took her several minutes to even get to the cross section that lead to the various bays. She knew her away around now. Left lead to storage, right to nearly empty bays that each held only a single artifact, and down the middle to the bays she was now after.

The large “4” was bold and stood out easily, a good fifteen feet off the ground. Sighing as she continued her clipped walk, briskly walking in high heels, she made fast time and got to the bay Starscream was supposedly in. A good mother learned all about the friends her boy was spending time with, whether or not she’d gotten to meet them. She knew a lot about him, or at least certain parameters.

When she finally reached the egress to bay 4, she sighed and took a breather as she leaned against the wall. “Don’t have to go running tonight,” she murmured under her breath, stretching a leg and mildly regretting wearing heels.

Pulling herself together, she put on a pleasant smile and entered the bay. “Hello there, I don’t believe we’ve met,” she greeted.

Starscream looked back with surprise and looked at her with a look of caution. “You’re… the mother that has been documented with the various children,” he said as he tried to recall how he would recognize a human that he had never met.

“Kept tabs on us,” she noted with a raised eyebrow. “Name’s June Darby, I’m Jack’s mother.”

“Oh, it’s uh, very nice to meet you,” Starscream said, though it was was obvious he didn’t mean it. 

“Uh huh, likewise,” June deadpanned, before reverting to her amiable tune and suggested,” Why don’t we get to know each other a bit?” He looked away, and her mother senses told her he was rolling his eyes.

“It couldn’t hurt,” he said bitterly.

“Us fleshies not your cup of tea,” she guessed.

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” Starscream quickly insisted,” I just, er, have little practice communicating with your species. I meant no offense.”

She didn’t buy it, but it also was not her concern. “Mind raising me up to your level? I hate having a heart to heart at such distance,” June requested, rubbing her neck sorely to bring attention to how uncomfortable craning her neck the whole time would be. She unflinchingly let the other pluck her off the ground, despite really not caring for heights or trusting his graceful claws.

Once she was sitting in a decorative alcove at his shoulder height, she asked,” So, new to the autobots, huh?”

“I’ve been here a few deca-cycles, but I haven’t been the most mobile until now,” he dryly answered. He clearly held little interest in the conversation and was only holding it appease her.

“Mind if I look at your hand,” she asked, projecting as innocent of curiosity as she could.

Resting against the wall beside her, he sighed and held his servo up for her to examine. She bravely took hold of two of his digits and pushed and pulled them to examine the flexibility. With an impressed sound, she commented,” You’re hands are so big.”

With a curious gaze her way, Starscream said,“ They’re actually quite slender even for bots smaller than myself.”

She scrutinized the distance between each digit, noting how clear the separations in articulation were. Offhandedly, June remarked,” You’re not organic, so you’re probably not very aware of it, but our injuries tell quite a story.”

“I beg your pardon,” Starscream bidded, leaning so he could more directly look at her. He watched as she seemed to measure his servo and squinted at her trying to figure out her game.

“The way we bruise, for instance, can pretty accurately tell us how it was inflicted. Puncture, localized pressure, impact… prolonged stress…” She continued cryptically,” And other injuries like inflamed muscles and displaced tissue or bone can reinforce assessments or lead to more in depth observations.”

Pulling his servo from her, Starscream uneasily asked,” What are you saying?”

With a glare that made Starscream take a step away, June dangerously whispered,” I’m no forensic scientist, but I am a nurse and I have seen a lot in my time.” She got to her feet and crossed her arms, continuing to stare at the mech before her.

“You clearly have something to say. Out with it, woma-”

“You will address me as Nurse or Ms. Darby or by ma’am,” she interjected sharply. “He won’t admit anything, and is trying to claim he had a bad fall in P.E., but I know better.”

The silver mech clearly became increasingly uncomfortable as she spoke, his wings drooping as he fidgeted under her gaze.

“I had to bring him to the hospital. Thank heavens I got out of work early, he should have been admitted right away. Do you know how hurt he is?” When Starscream didn’t answer, she repeated,” Well, do you?!”

Shaking his head slowly and dazedly walking away, Starscream’s vocalizer could only bring forth verbalized pauses and fillers.

“Do not walk away from me,” She ordered with the strictest ‘mom’ voice she could muster under the circumstances. It worked. He turned back to her with wide, guilty optics and she continued,” He had to be intubated for the air building in his chest. He has a pulmonary contusion and jugular distension, among several fractured ribs. He almost had flail chest for crying out loud!” Angry tears gathered in her eyes and threatened to fall.

Walking back closer, he came to a stop directly in front of her, his faceplate within her reach. With searching eyes, he pitifully said,” Your biology is so different than our own. I don’t know what any of that means.”

“He could have died!” She screamed, sinking to the ground. “My little boy could have died because his involvement with you robots,” she sniffled further as she rubbed away tears.

“I- I do not have the words to properly apologize,” Starscream said truthfully, his voice low with seriousness. “It’s my fault harm came to him.”

Shaking her head, June specified,” You inflicted the injury. His bruising has the exact same width from between your fingers if I compensate for gravity shifting.”

All Starscream had for that was a simple,“ Yes.”

“Why?” She asked, her voice still strong behind the occasional sob. Her outburst had left her red in the face, but she was starting to visibly pull together from the loosed emotion.

“He could have walked away, left me, but he insisted on getting us both back to base. I was under the affects of what would be very similar to a drug for organics. I was not myself,” Starscream said, about to plead for her belief in the matter, plead on the virtue of bad circumstance getting in his way. He realized he wasn’t dealing with Megatron. He needn’t beg and posture for forgiveness. He had to give the whole, plain truth and accept the consequences.

“The drug elevated my strength and arrogant aggression. I pinned him down after he insisted too many times I return. I was so high on confidence, I was sure I could go it alone. I think I was seriously about to hunt Megatron down, though despite the enhancements to power I would have been a fool to try to take him on with brute strength.

“He talked me down, reminded me what I had here. I probably owe him my life,” Starscream concluded.

“That’s my boy,” June whispered, proud of her son though very upset he risked his own life.

“I can see why so much faith has been put in the boy,” Starscream shared the sentiment.

Looking up to the mech with a scorned expression, June warned,” If you ever harm so much as another hair on any of the children’s heads ever again, I will take you offline. I’m sure you’ve realized how tenacious humans are, and how we are not to be messed with despite our size. Your heart, computer… whatever makes you _you_ ,” she broke off as she gestured towards her chest.

“Spark,” Starscream supplied.

“I will personally take your spark offline and gift the U.S. military a pretty, new f-14-”

“My model was based off the scan of an f-16.”

Giving him a cross look of ‘do you think that really matters right now’, she continued,” I will give them a pretty, new f- _16_ , do I make myself clear?”

Clearing his vocalizer, Starscream averted his optics and quietly said,” Yes, ma’am.”

“I have a son who is in a lot of pain to return to,” she said matter of factly as she stood up and looked to Starscream expectantly. He dutifully lowered her back to the ground. Dabbing at her eyes to make sure her makeup hadn’t run too badly, she bid farewell crossly,” Good day, Starscream. It was nice meeting you.” She began to briskly leave with much the same fervor as she had getting here.

Her clicking steps only stopped when the mech hesitantly asked,” Will you tell the others, Miss Darby?”

Looking back, she honestly answered,” I don’t know yet.” Jack had expressly chosen to handle things one way, but she couldn’t say she completely shared that sentiment.

“Give Jack my best.”

She pursed her lips and looked away as she tried to bat tears away. “Maybe,” she acknowledged before continuing to leave.

Starscream nervously called the autobots together later that night to come clean. His processor screamed that this was lunacy, but his spark compelled him to go through with it anyways. It killed him inside when he saw Arcee wordlessly leave the main room, and only his greatest restraint kept him from chasing after her. The seeker knew when he wasn't wanted.

The scout looked spark-broken, and Starscream found it hard to look any of them in the optics. Bulkhead looked so warily at him, like the seeker was going to snap any second and hunt down the other children- and Starscream couldn't blame him. 

“This is very troubling news, Starscream,” Optimus finally sighed, breaking the shocked silence that had been building to unbearable heights.

“I- I understand if you none of you can trust me anymore,” Starscream acknowledged, servos wringing anxiously.

“Well, you'll certainly be under heavy observation,” Ratchet said, hand waving the expressions he got in return for the comment.

Prime solemnly shuttered his optics and agreed,“ True that we have to watch you in light of this, but it is good that you came to us on your own volition.”

Bulkhead had a look that told Starscream he was in deep scrap, and the silver mech could only imagine how much worse it'd be if they found out on their own.

~~  
~~

Starscream was walking through the halls, just about to step foot into the main area when loud music abruptly began playing and even more abruptly stopped, followed by a loudly exclaimed,” Jack!”

The seeker stopped in his tracks, and waited to hear more. Nakadai had to be on her cellphone, obviously with Jack. Dialing in his hearing to cancel out background noise and focus on the conversation he heard a soft,” _Hey, Miko._ ”

“Where’ve you been, man? I didn't see you at school today.”

“ _Um, well, I'm actually-_ ”he broke off for a dry cough. “ _I'm at the hospital right now._ ”

Starscream heard something fall and could only assume Miko dropped something in surprise. “Dude! You okay?!”

“ _Yeah, well, sort of more or less… I've been better. I just called so you guys knew where I was. I didn't want anyone to worry._.” His voice sounded strained. It was hard to listen to.

“ ‘Preciate the sentiment, dude, but are you sure you're okay? You sound awful!”

Jack sarcastically replied,“ _Great. I'll add that to list of injuries: Awful voice._ ”

“List? Dude, you totally suck at keeping people from worrying,” Miko informed him. WIth a big sigh, she asked,” How long you gonna stay there? When can you come back to base? Should I, like, go visit and bring flowers and stuff?”

“ _I’ll be fine without flowers, but you can visit if you want. Doctor said I’ll be out tomorrow or early the next morning, hopefully. I won’t be at school the rest of the week though._ ”

Starscream bowed his head in shame, tucked away out of sight but still feeling like the light was on him. All the bots knew, and now Nakadai was aware that her friend was injured. It was only a matter of time before everyone knew hated him for what he’d done. The seeker’s wings drooped and he leaned against the wall of the hallway.

“But you’ll be able to hang out at the base right? I mean, what you sprained your ankle or something?”

“ _Well… My mom doesn’t really want me going to the base while Starscream is around…_ ”

“You have got to be kidding me, Jack,” Miko complained,” How is Screamers still new news? You tell your mom everything.”

“ _He, uh, kind of put me here._ ”

“In the hospital? No way!” The horror in her voice was evident, and Starscream hung his head even lower. He perked with interest at her next question. “Does Arcee know? How is she taking it?”

“ _She does, and not exactly well. She’s miffed she can’t visit me._ ”

“I can’t believe-” Her words were cut short as Starscream sulked into the room. She stared at him with wide eyes and tense shoulders. Her whole body was on edge.

Her expression reminded Starscream of back in the collapsed mine, and it hurt him to know it was completely justified. The seeker averted his optics and trudged forth.

“ _... Miko?_ ” Jack’s voice drifted over the mobile device.

“H-hey, Screamers,” she greeted, her voice higher than usual. “Starscream!” She quickly corrected.

Starscream grimaced and continued to the exit. She was afraid of him, Arcee hated him, all the autobots had every reason to never want to see him again. They would be better off if he wasn’t here. Living alone was treacherous, but it was probably the right thing to do and apparently he cared about that now.

“Where are you going?” She asked, having now lowered her phone as she leaned against the railing.

“ _Out_ ,” he snapped, immediately regretting his choice of tone as it left his vocalizer. Though, he reasoned he couldn’t really dig his hole deeper and he deserved as much resentment as he could build.

She called something after him, though he transformed and took off too soon to hear.


End file.
